I wanted to find Frodo's last speech to Sam, the voice-over for the domestic scene, so I tried to see if someone had made a transcript. Haven't found that yet, but I did find this.
quote:MINAS TIRITH FARAMIR: Anything I can do for you, Dad? DENETHOR: Yeah. Go die. FARAMIR: Nice. Real nice. FARAMIR storms out. DENETHOR: Sing me a song, short man. PIPPIN: I really don't feel like it. DENETHOR: Aw, come on! Sing! Here's the karaoke song book - pick something. PIPPIN: Well, if you insist... (clears throat) "You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips...and there's no tenderness like before in your fingertips..."
OUTSIDE MINAS TIRITH FARAMIR leads the charge against the latest forces of Mordor. FARAMIR: Who's your daddy?? HUH?? Who's your- ow. FARAMIR, with arrows sticking through him, falls off horse. PIPPIN (V.O.): "You're trying hard not to show it..." GANDALF and DENETHOR (V.O.): "Bay-beh..." PIPPIN (V.O.): "But bay-beh, baby I know it!..."
quote:TOWER OF CIRITH UNGOL SAM, lost, stops in a stairwell and sings out: SAM: "The stars at night...are clear and bright..." FRODO'S VOICE: (weak) "...deep in the heart of Texas..." SAM: Woohoo! SAM charges that direction and kills an Orc mid-whip. FRODO is lying in a swoon on a heap of rags, half-naked. DROOLING FANGIRLS: Oh, HECK yeah! Come on, sugar, get those hands out of the way. OTHER AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Eww! You're corrupting my immaculate Tolkien experience!
My stars, this is killing me. *snickers*
Posts: 1753 | Registered: Aug 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
If you come upon this thread and don't read the whole thing, you will miss something horribly wonderful.
Posts: 1744 | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged |
quote: GOLLUM falls triumphantly into fiery chasm from whence Ring came, taking FRODO's finger and the Ring with him. SAM hauls FRODO out of the special Place To Throw Stuff Into Lava room. They find temporary refuge from flowing molten rock on a boulder. FRODO: Hey, I can remember the Shire again! Small comfort, considering we seem to have about five minutes to live. SAM: It's a shame. Now I'll never get to marry Rosie Cotton. FRODO: (startled) YOU want to marry a girl? Really? SAM: Aye. Why is that so hard to believe? FRODO: It's just - er - well - you know, I think I must have misinterpreted several things you've said over the past couple decades, Sam. Forgive me. SAM: No matter. Could you hold me in your arms before we die, sir? FRODO: See - like that statement, right there. Oh, who cares... FRODO holds SAM in his arms. They pass out, but GIANT EAGLES rescue them. WISEACRES IN AUDIENCE: So, how come the eagles didn't just pick them up in Rivendell and carry them straight to Mount Doom in the first place? Why did they have to WALK? REST OF AUDIENCE: Shhh.
quote: Arwen: Please don't leave us. We need you here. Aragorn: You like me because I'm a scoundrel. Arwen: I happen to like nice men. Aragorn: I am a nice man. Arwen: No you're not, you're... *smooching* Arwen: I'd rather kiss a hobbit's foot! Aragorn: That can be arranged! *storms off*
posted
Ah! Life is good. This is the same girl that did TTT parody that I've linked to a gazillion times and can't find right now. (It's in the counting down to RotK thread I think...)
quote: MINAS TIRITH FARAMIR: Anything I can do for you, Dad? DENETHOR: Yeah. Go die. FARAMIR: Nice. Real nice. FARAMIR storms out. DENETHOR: Sing me a song, short man. PIPPIN: I really don't feel like it. DENETHOR: Aw, come on! Sing! Here's the karaoke song book - pick something. PIPPIN: Well, if you insist... (clears throat) "You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips...and there's no tenderness like before in your fingertips..."
OUTSIDE MINAS TIRITH FARAMIR leads the charge against the latest forces of Mordor. FARAMIR: Who's your daddy?? HUH?? Who's your- ow. FARAMIR, with arrows sticking through him, falls off horse. PIPPIN (V.O.): "You're trying hard not to show it..." GANDALF and DENETHOR (V.O.): "Bay-beh..." PIPPIN (V.O.): "But bay-beh, baby I know it!..."
MINAS TIRITH PIPPIN breaks down crying. PIPPIN: I'm sorry. That song always gets to me. I miss Merry...
quote: AUDIENCE: (sobbing) I can't believe it's over. What do I have left to live for now? PETER JACKSON: Well, there's the extended version, due out in November. Complete with silly outtakes - I promise! And then someday there's the full-extra-special boxed set of 241 DVD's. And eventually there's that musical they're making... AUDIENCE: November?? (crumples to the ground, weeping) You rip out my heart and tear it to shreds and mash it into the sticky popcorn on the theater floor, and then try to console me with freaking outtakes in freaking November?? I hate you, I hate you...I hate you...(*sniffle*)...Can we come back and see it again tomorrow? PETER JACKSON: Of course you can, precious.
This line almost killed me, I laughed so hard.
quote: FRODO kisses SAM on the forehead. FANATICAL FRODO/SAM SHIPPERS stop sobbing for a moment and perk up. FRODO/SAM SHIPPERS: Oh, hey! I totally need to screencap that and turn it into an LJ icon.
quote: CREEPY CAVE FRODO gets tangled in a gigantic spider-web. FRODO: Egads! Does this mean a gigantic spider lives here? GOLLUM: Ha ha! Smeagol tricked you, ssstupid hobbit! Did Master know "gullible" was not in dictionary? FRODO: Oh, dear. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to send Sam away. AUDIENCE: Duh! SHELOB appears and starts pounding down the tunnel. FRODO lights up the star-glass and gives us an all-too-clear look at her. ARACHNOPHOBES IN AUDIENCE: Oh...dear...God. FRODO cuts himself loose and runs like hell - but, being FRODO, falls down. GOLLUM jumps on him. GOLLUM: Jussst kidding about "ssstupid" comment! Nice master! Hold still so spider can eat you, yes yes. FRODO: I have a different plan, actually. FRODO flings GOLLUM down an abyss. PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE BOOK: You know, it's interesting: even though I've read the book, I have no idea what's going on.
Must . . . add . . . more . . . (wipes tears from eyes while typing from prone floor position)
quote:VICINITY OF CIRITH UNGOL SHELOB is hovering above FRODO, who is oblivious. AUDIENCE: (apparently thinking they're at a horror film) Look up! LOOK UP!! OH MY GOD, LOOK UP!! FRODO gets caught and bitten, and attractively foams at the mouth. SHELOB wraps him up in spider-silk. ARACHNOPHOBES are whimpering somewhere under their theatre seats. SAM shows up and saves day, stabbing SHELOB with borrowed sword. SAM: Whew. All right, Mr. Frodo, I know I've teased you about running from spiders before, but I don't blame you for that one. Er, Mr. Frodo? (prod) Frodo?... FRODO is not looking good. SAM begins weeping and cradling him. SENTIMENTAL BOOK-READERS: Say "Don't go where I can't follow." Say "Don't go where I can't follow." Say "Don't go where I can't follow." SAM: Don't go where I can't follow! SENTIMENTAL BOOK-READERS: Woohoo! All right; I can die happy now. SAM: Uh-oh; Orcs. Got to cut this short. So long, sir. (skitters and hides) ORCS start prodding FRODO. ORC #73: How long has he been dead? ORC #89: Dead? Any COMPLETE IDIOT could tell he's not dead! SAM: What?? ORC #42: Then let's take him upstairs and strip him. We should at least get to keep the change in his pockets. SAM: Are you telling me...I had a chance...to give Mr. Frodo mouth-to-mouth...and I DIDN'T TAKE IT?? SAM flies into a murderous rage, killing about eighty Orcs in the space of half a minute.
I remember whimpering under my theatre seat, precious, yes, I do . . .
quote: AUDIENCE: (sobbing) I can't believe it's over. What do I have left to live for now? PETER JACKSON: Well, there's the extended version, due out in November. Complete with silly outtakes - I promise! And then someday there's the full-extra-special boxed set of 241 DVD's. And eventually there's that musical they're making... AUDIENCE: November?? (crumples to the ground, weeping) You rip out my heart and tear it to shreds and mash it into the sticky popcorn on the theater floor, and then try to console me with freaking outtakes in freaking November?? I hate you, I hate you...I hate you...(*sniffle*)...Can we come back and see it again tomorrow? PETER JACKSON: Of course you can, precious.
posted
My absolute favorite lines are, however, these:
quote: GANDALF: Now I guess it's time to knock on death's door and invite them out to battle. Draw Sauron's eye to us instead of Frodo. ARAGORN: All in the hopes of giving Sam and Frodo a chance. LEGOLAS: A diversion. ARAGORN: Yeah, thanks, Paraphrase Boy.
quote: GREY HAVENS GANDALF: I will not say, 'Do not weep,' for not all tears are an evil. AUDIENCE: Good, because that's all we've been doing for the last three hours. FRODO: Goodbye, Pippin. I'm glad you found your courage. Goodbye, Merry. I'm glad you got to wear horse-themed armor. Sam... FRODO hugs SAM. FRODO: I think I'll miss you most of all, Scarecrow. FRODO kisses SAM on the forehead. FANATICAL FRODO/SAM SHIPPERS stop sobbing for a moment and perk up. FRODO/SAM SHIPPERS: Oh, hey! I totally need to screencap that and turn it into an LJ icon. SAM, however, is still weeping. SAM: Can't I come join you, someday? FRODO: Let's not talk about that. The audience doesn't need comforting with such pitiful little shreds of hope. Goodbye, my friends. FRODO smiles as he sails away, at peace in the knowledge that he never again has to get up at five a.m. to have the makeup people put hobbit feet on him.
quote: LEGOLAS: The sky wears a film of gauze. The night air breathes infamy. Deceit weaves itself around my fingernails. ARAGORN: What the hell is that? Poetry? I pay you to do two things: shoot stuff, and look pretty. If you have something to tell me, tell me in normal words. LEGOLAS: Fine. S-A-U-R-O-N is H-E-R-E. Simple enough for you, numbskull?
quote:EOWYN: Don't do it! You'll never survive! ARAGORN: Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has.
quote:FRODO stomps off. SAM stays behind, weeping piteously. PEOPLE WHO HAVE READ THE BOOK: ...the f**k??
That about sums up my reaction to that part...
quote:SENTIMENTAL BOOK-READERS: Say "Don't go where I can't follow." Say "Don't go where I can't follow." Say "Don't go where I can't follow." SAM: Don't go where I can't follow! SENTIMENTAL BOOK-READERS: Woohoo! All right; I can die happy now.
quote:GANDALF: I will not say, 'Do not weep,' for not all tears are an evil. AUDIENCE: Good, because that's all we've been doing for the last three hours.
As was my reaction outside the theater "I can't believe they ended it with "Well, I'm back." I can't believe PJ really did that. I just can't believe it, it's too wonderful to talk about."
All the non book readers look at me like "What's with her?"
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
| IP: Logged |
quote:ELROND: So, we brought you this sword. PEOPLE WHO HAVE READ THE BOOK: About freaking time. ARAGORN: Shiny. Thanks. ELROND: Oh, and by the way, Arwen's sick. The longer the Ring goes undestroyed, the weaker she gets. ARAGORN: Come off it. That's such a crock. There's no connection between her and the Ring. ELROND: Yeah, well, I guess they don't teach you everything in Ranger school. It's just TRUE, okay? Now go pick up a ghost army and save your grimy unshaven people.
That's got to be one of my favorites. Right up there with the "What the hell is that? Poetry?" line Posts: 3932 | Registered: Sep 1999
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Blushing]](graemlins/blushing.gif)
