posted
Okay, I know I've only got 500 posts. But I've taken five years to make them. If I wait until 1,000, my kids will both be in school, and I will probably have lost all my hair and the cinder block would have broken up with the sign, and who knows what all else.
In my defense, I really have been around these boards a long time. I go back to the Big Mouth Lion days over on the Frescopix website, and in the writer's groups here on this site. I didn't post in here because the internet was just too slow in those days to support the big, clunky monster that was a Big Mouth Lion forum with heavy traffic.
And besides, Papa Moose said I should do it, and I make it a point to always listen to Papa Moose, because he knows what he's talking about.
But I tried, and I had nothing to say.
And I think it's in large part due to the homosexuality arguements going on.
I tried to leave hatrack once, a few years ago. I posted a lot more in those days, and I kind of started to feel like my wife and kids could use me more than you folks could, and that all those words I was cranking out might be better used to forward my writing carrer.
And then I posted in a homosexuality thread, and managed to piss of pretty much everybody here at Hatrack.
Which takes some doing.
I mean, everybody wasn't merely arguing with me. The posts basically consisted of "docmagik is a hateful, hateful person."
Which isn't what I intended at all.
So I retreated, apologized to eveybody, said I'd delete the post, shot off some personal emails to a couple of people I thought particularly needed them, and got a few emails of apology and/or reassurance from a few very kind others.
I delted the post, and from there went on to delete pretty much everything I ever posted on Hatrack. The only thing left was one post in a locked thread--you can't edit or delete those.
I swore I was done with Hatrack forever.
But I wasn't. Like everybody who leaves under "circumstances," I kept checking back to see if anybody gave a rip that I was gone. Natrually, nobody did. Who the heck is docmagik?
And I eventually realized what a self-absorbed, attention/affection crazed little twit I was being. It was sort of like, since all I was getting was form rejects for my stories, Hatrack was a place I could get immediate feedback on my writing from living, breathing people. If people thought my writing was coherent here, if I could get a valid point or two across here, that would show my writing wasn't completely incoherent, right?
But that wasn't what Hatrack was about, and Hatrack isn't about writing style validation and blah de blah blah you guys all see how stupid and foolish I was being without my having to explain it.
So I let it go, for a while. Or so I thought. Eventually I came back. I created three personas--Cactus Jack, Dude Love, and Mankind, out of the three personas of professional wrestler Mick Foley, whose ringwork and books I had enjoyed. I had vauge ideas of creating seperate personas for each, or at least choosing which I would post as based on what I was going to say.
It didn't work out that way. Pretty much everything I posted came out as me. I made a few blunt posts as Cactus Jack, but that was about it.
Then I finally posted as docmagik again, probably in a signing thread, so Moose or Taal or somebody would know it was me.
And so I was officially back. With much less fanfare than when I left. (No mob shouts of "Hey! It's that hateful guy! Let's get him!")
I really would like to leave. I really, really would.
For the last couple of days, I've been debating trying to post what I tried to post before, that I did such a poor job of carrying across, to see if I can do it any better now. Or maybe just writing an essay that encompasses not just that one point of the discussion, but every aspect of homosexuality and culture.
But listing to the radio, reading this forum, talking with people--I've decided people aren't open minded on this issue. They just aren't.
Not only do they not listen, if you say something they don't agree with, they don't see what you said, they magically insert into your words every intolerant, condescending, and/or resentful idea they feel categorizes the opposition.
And since I'm getting that from both sides of the arguement, I should be able to sit back and relax, firm in my belief that having the middle ground makes me right.
But I can't do that.
Because I don't really believe people are immovable on this, or any other topic.
And I still feel that a well-written, thoughtful expression of ideas may raise a question or two, if not an eyebrow, even in the most callous of hearts and stiff of necks.
And I still feel it's worth it to hear the other side, because the minute I start relaxing, firm in my knowledge of anything, what will I become?
So this isn't a landmark thread. It will dissapear forever into the void of the ethernet in a couple of months, never to be recovered.
But it also isn't a good-bye thread. Because I really do feel worthwhile ideas are shared here. And I do feel it's worthwhile for me to keep trying to share my own.
And I look forward to continuing to hear all of yours.
So I guess what this is, really, is a thank-you thread. Thank you folks for letting me hang out. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me. I know a lot of the stuff you talk about here is pretty personal, a lot of it is pretty close to your heart. Thanks for trusting me with it, because by letting me get that close, it helps me understand. Thanks for making me laugh, too often to mention.
So I'm still here, and I'll be around a while. I don't expect you'll see any more of me than you currently do. I generally can only post in the middle of the night, so by the time I come back the next night to see the replies, discussions have moved far past wherever they were when I jumped in the fray.
But I do plan to stick around. There's lots of fun/enlightening/throughtful stuff going on around here. And I just can't bring myself to miss it.
posted
doc, welcome back. I don't post in the threads on politics, religion, or moral issues because I don't want to get into an arguement. I have my own view and don't want to get slammed for them.
Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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posted
doc, I really enjoyed meeting you and your family on Sunday.
And if it helps at all, I often find myself (especially here, but elsewhere as well) in the same position as you describe:
quote: Not only do they not listen, if you say something they don't agree with, they don't see what you said, they magically insert into your words every intolerant, condescending, and/or resentful idea they feel categorizes the opposition.
And since I'm getting that from both sides of the argument, I should be able to sit back and relax, firm in my belief that having the middle ground makes me right.
posted
Farmgirl, Am not a wimp! Political and moral discussions at Hatrack tend to degenerate into pointless arguments with neither side listening to what the other has to say.
posted
For the record, I've agreed with most of the posts you've made under the Cactus Jack SN.
quote: Because I don't really believe people are immovable on this, or any other topic.
And I still feel that a well-written, thoughtful expression of ideas may raise a question or two, if not an eyebrow, even in the most callous of hearts and stiff of necks.
I also believe this. Just because people don't respond doesn't mean they aren't thinking about it. And it also doesn't mean you shouldn't keep posting.
Look - I wasn't here to see the offending post. But if you do truly believe what you are writing, think it through and (obviously) aren't crude/defamatory/overtly offensive then I see no reason why those posts won't be welcomed by hatrack.
Posts: 4393 | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
<--suddenly realizes your name isn't dogmagik, which I always thought it was, for some reason. Sorry!
Actually, I'M interested in hearing it...and I don't call people bigots or hateful either. I'm too busy trying to defend myself from others who call ME that. Posts: 6367 | Registered: Aug 2003
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You never pissed me off, and I'm pretty sure I was here at the time. I try always to encourage people to do what's best for them -- I just wish Hatrack was best for more people all the time, and sadly I realize that at times it isn't. It's right for me, though.
However, as I'm writing this, I wonder sometimes if the reason it's still right for me is simply that it isn't wrong yet. Part of the reason that I've never been horrendously disillusioned with the board or its members is that I keep myself a little bit distanced all the time, whether through diffusing humor or simply through failing to express my opinions lest someone get mad. Maybe by keeping it from being wrong for me, I cause it to be wrong, or at least keep it from being right, for someone else. I dunno....
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I don't post in the threads on politics, religion, or moral issues because I don't want to get into an arguement. I have my own view and don't want to get slammed for them.
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Am not a wimp! Political and moral discussions at Hatrack tend to degenerate into pointless arguments with neither side listening to what the other has to say.![[Taunt]](graemlins/taunt.gif)
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