posted
Before you guys go all sympathetic on me, I'm not particularly sad. I'm angry.
My mother came over today. It's an hour drive for her, so I knew something was up. She sat down next to me on the couch, gave me a hug, and wouldn't let go. Then she started crying.
Her mother had a heart attack and passed away last Tuesday. The funeral was Saturday. Today would have been her 74th birthday.
My mother has a brother and two sisters living in the same town their mother lived in, and another brother living in Florida. None of them bothered to call her to tell her her mother died until this afternoon.
Okay, I'm sad for my mother, but I don't really know anyone on her side of the family well. I'd only met Danaw once that I remember. I'm just very, very angry and bitter towards my aunts and uncles right now. Jerks.
...edit to change the title to something less offensive...
posted
Wow. I gotta use this name because hatrack blew up my Paul Goldner account. Friggin SUCKS. *sighs*
Posts: 1286 | Registered: Dec 2000
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posted
I don't blame you or your mother for being upset - that is inexcusable behavior.
I'm so very sorry it happened, I'm sorry for your loss.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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Boon
unregistered
posted
Oh no, it was no accident. Apparently there was a discussion Tuesday involving all the siblings (excluding Mom, of course) where they planned the funeral. One of them suggested calling Mom, and they decided not to because she isn't in a position to help them pay for it. So it wasn't like they just forgot, it was a decision they made. Like she couldn't help them pay, so she wasn't entitled to help them bury her mother.
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posted
Sheesh. But then, there's my husband's one cousin that always manages not to get invited in time every time we have a child blessed.
Posts: 383 | Registered: Nov 2003
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quote: Oh no, it was no accident. Apparently there was a discussion Tuesday involving all the siblings (excluding Mom, of course) where they planned the funeral. One of them suggested calling Mom, and they decided not to because she isn't in a position to help them pay for it. So it wasn't like they just forgot, it was a decision they made. Like she couldn't help them pay, so she wasn't entitled to help them bury her mother.
Wow. I have no words for this callous act of malicious cruelty.
Absolutely unbelievable -- I'm so sorry your mom has to go through this. I'm glad you can be there for her. (((((Boon & Mom)))))
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
Boon, I am sorry for your mother's loss and yours. I'm also sorry that her brothers and sisters were not there for her and that they could even do such a thing to her. I am glad that you are there for her, though. I'm sure she'll need your support.
Dagonee: agreed. It's amazing how you can one day witness the selfless actions of human beings and the next see just how capable we are of cruelty to each other. If we can't treat our own families right, how will we ever learn to be at peace with everyone?
Posts: 3546 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
Boon, you have every right to be furious. I have no words for that. I'd say I can't believe it, but I can. That's so terrible.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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Boon, I agree with the other posters of this thread. That is totally, totally, totally inexcusable.
Posts: 13123 | Registered: Feb 2002
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posted
This sounds like a pretty callous act. At least they could have just said: "The funeral is at X time and place."
If you had met your grandmother only once, it sounds as if she and your mother were not terribly close.
Was it your MOTHER's siblings or your GRANDMOTHER's siblings who buried her. In either case, it sounds like they have some unkind feelings toward your mother.
Posts: 524 | Registered: May 2003
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posted
It does happen, though. When my brother got married, I wasn't invited, and no one was going to tell me about it. I found out because I knew something was coming and called enough people and made enough noise that they had to tell me. My brothers - the one who got married, and the one who insisted that his wife be invited and not me - never did call me or talk about it.
Yes, people are either wimps or jerks sometimes. Often both.
posted
It's my mother's siblings I'm talking about.
The one thing I told my mother last night, other than how sorry I am, is to not let her anger towards them keep her from grieving for her mother.
This morning, she's very, very tired and still angry and sad. She's writing (again, on my advice) a letter to her siblings. I thought that if she could put it in writing and work her way through it, she might be able to get past that and just be sad.
She says she has us (my sister and I) and Dad, and my monsters, and all of my dad's family, and we all love her. She knows this.
I feel so helpless to help her. I want to just go whoop up on some people, but they're not worth the gas money at this point. It's just really, really sad.
You know, this isn't the first time, either. Mom's dad passed away about a year and a half ago, and they didn't call until 2 weeks after he was cremated. Then, they were angry because Mom was the beneficiary of his piddly little retirement account, all of which went towards the cremation before Mom even knew about it.
The same thing happened when my stepfather's father died. His stepmother and her family had us listed in the obituary as surviving family members, but never called us.
My mom found out when one of her co-workers offered condolences.
We went to the funeral, and found out that his wife never called his brothers and sisters, either, to tell them he had died. We sat very far away from the stepmother and brood of weeping children that stole from him and cursed him when he was alive. It was disgusting.
On top of that, when my stepfather tried to collect money from the bank account he and his father had, and the insurance policy that his father had set up for him, we found that the stepmother had had one of her own children forge his signature and collect close to $10,000.
We could have sued her, and taken her house, too, since his father left everything to him. But we didn't. She and her bastard children weren't worth our time or energy.
I'm really sorry this had to happen to your family. Your mother does have a family that loves and supports her, but it still must really hurt when her siblings are so selfish and cruel to their own flesh and blood. I wonder how they act to strangers... Bastards
I agreee with Dagonee.
Posts: 463 | Registered: Oct 2003
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It does happen, though. When my brother got married, I wasn't invited, and no one was going to tell me about it. I found out because I knew something was coming and called enough people and made enough noise that they had to tell me. My brothers - the one who got married, and the one who insisted that his wife be invited and not me - never did call me or talk about it.
