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Topic: New column: The Class Action Diet

Chris Bridges
Member
Member # 1138

posted

The Class Action Diet

The scene: the near future. The setting: a popular fast-food restaurant. The time: lunch.

"Hi, I'd like a number 3, with a large Coke, and mega-size it, please."

"I'm sorry sir, we don't mega-size our meals anymore."

"Really? Huh. Okay, just give me another large fry."

"I can't do that either, sir. Frankly, you don't need it."

"Excuse me?"

"Could you turn around for a moment, sir? Thank you. Hmm. No, I'd say a small fry is all you need. Better hold the cheese on the burger, too."

Posts: 7790 | Registered: Aug 2000 | IP: Logged |

Xavier
Member
Member # 405

posted

This is my favorite one yet [Smile]

.

I love the format of just a humorous conversation.

I do think its odd though that near the end "That's insane!" is on the same line as the statement before it. I think that might be a typo.

[Smile]

Posts: 5656 | Registered: Oct 1999 | IP: Logged |

St. Yogi
Member
Member # 5974

posted

That actually made me laugh out loud [Smile]

Thumbs up!

Posts: 739 | Registered: Dec 2003 | IP: Logged |

Alexa
Member
Member # 6285

posted

quote:
'Is that why you changed your slogan to 'Put It Down, Fatty'?'

Posts: 1034 | Registered: Mar 2004 | IP: Logged |

dkw
Member
Member # 3264

posted

But it comes with a bendy straw!

Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002 | IP: Logged |

Farmgirl
Member
Member # 5567

posted

Posts: 9538 | Registered: Aug 2003 | IP: Logged |

Anna
Member
Member # 2582

posted

Fabulous, Chris, I love that !

Posts: 3526 | Registered: Oct 2001 | IP: Logged |

pooka
Member
Member # 5003

posted

Dasani bottled water is a coca cola product.

For some reason I read the slogan as "PULL it down, Fatty." Wasn't sure what that was all about, but I chuckled and let it pass.

Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003 | IP: Logged |

Chris Bridges
Member
Member # 1138

posted

The "That's insane!" line was indeed supposed to be on its own, thanks. Also all my quotes got changed to single apostrophes, for some reason. All is now fixed.

Posts: 7790 | Registered: Aug 2000 | IP: Logged |

MEC
Member
Member # 2968

posted

Brazil nut burger with soy sauce

Posts: 2489 | Registered: Jan 2002 | IP: Logged |

ludosti
Member
Member # 1772

posted

Chris, this is a masterpiece!!

My favorite:

quote:
We even tried hiring rude counter help and serving cold, stale food with visible insect parts, and still there were billions served.

Posts: 5879 | Registered: Apr 2001 | IP: Logged |

Dan_raven
Member
Member # 3383

posted

STOP.

Don't give those people any more ideas.

I love my fat full lifestyle.

(I saw a Slider's episode that started like this. You couldn't get an order of cheese fries without a doctors note. Your bit is better.)

Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002 | IP: Logged |

lcarus
Member
Member # 4395

posted

Brilliant!

[ROFL]

Posts: 1112 | Registered: Jan 2003 | IP: Logged |

jehovoid
Member
Member # 2014

posted

"Put it down, Fatty" was probably the biggest laugh.

Posts: 3056 | Registered: Jun 2001 | IP: Logged |

Chris Bridges
Member
Member # 1138

posted

Careful MEC, the "soy-Brazil nut burger" actually exists. I did a search for "healthy burger" to get ideas and found that one. Shudder.

Posts: 7790 | Registered: Aug 2000 | IP: Logged |

Jacare Sorridente
Member
Member # 1906

posted

That was great Chris, and sadly enough it is likely the direction things will take as litigation forces companies to take responsibility for things they should never have to deal with.

Posts: 4548 | Registered: May 2001 | IP: Logged |

jexx
Member
Member # 3450

posted

Yay! Wednesday!

Thank you, Chris. Fabulous, as always.

[Smile]

Posts: 1545 | Registered: May 2002 | IP: Logged |

Anna
Member
Member # 2582

posted

Too bad I can't found the archives of your columns, Chris : they are so good !

Posts: 3526 | Registered: Oct 2001 | IP: Logged |

Chris Bridges
Member
Member # 1138

posted

Eek! You can find links to all of my previous columns here. Just don't look at the home page, I haven't updated it since last year. Yeesh.

Posts: 7790 | Registered: Aug 2000 | IP: Logged |

Anna
Member
Member # 2582

posted

Thank you SO much Chris, I bookmark that immediatly!
[Kiss]

Posts: 3526 | Registered: Oct 2001 | IP: Logged |

Dagonee
Member
Member # 5818

posted

Best. New. column. ever.

[ROFL]

Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003 | IP: Logged |

Ryuko
Member
Member # 5125

posted

YAYYY!! That was amusing! I had to read it out loud to all my friends in my room, and then they all wanted a copy!! [Smile]

Chris Bridges rocks my world. [Smile]

Posts: 4816 | Registered: Apr 2003 | IP: Logged |

jeniwren
Member
Member # 2002

posted

Chris, that was one of your best yet. I love it!

Posts: 5948 | Registered: Jun 2001 | IP: Logged |

Toretha
Member
Member # 2233

posted

WOW! That was great!

[ROFL]

Posts: 3493 | Registered: Jul 2001 | IP: Logged |

Bob_Scopatz
Member
Member # 1227

posted

Yes, now they call it "fast food" because it makes you want to go on a fast.

Great stuff Chris. I loved the part about the tray liner being a handy lawsuit form you can drop in the box on the way out the door.

[ROFL]

Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000 | IP: Logged |

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