Topic: They're growing up too fast, or is this normal?
Boon
unregistered
posted
Oh, crap!
I had an evening out planned for tonight. My co-store manager and I took our employees out for dinner.
Well, I intended to leave my monsters at home with DH, since they've been acting like crap all day. But DH had a board meeting..so...
I took the kids, and we met one of said employees part of the way there and rode with him. He brought his 12 year old son with him.
Everything was okay up until the ride home. From the back seat, I hear the words "french kiss" come out of my son's mouth.
My attention is immediately riveted to the back seat.
"Bet you don't even know what that means," says the other little boy.
"Do too. It's when one person puts their tongue in the other person's mouth," says my brilliant child.
When asked (by me) how he knew that, he said some of his friends at school did that. Okay, yet ANOTHER reason I don't really want to send him back... but not the point.
The point is... my child is seven. He's seen my husband and I hold hands, hug, cuddle, and even kiss. But not "french kiss". That's sort of a private thing.
So, and I know this will sound awfully hippocritical since I let my kids watch the Nova thing yesterday, am I wrong to be upset that they "get" this? Am I just wierd. Should I even worry?
And yes, I'll be calling the school tomorrow morning about getting better supervision on the playground.
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Is it normal? I have no idea, but I'd be shocked and disturbed if I heard my little cousins talking about french kisses, etc.!
Posts: 944 | Registered: Jun 2001
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Well, I guess you can always hope that your son didn't have his first french kiss at the age of six.... Posts: 5879 | Registered: Apr 2001
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Er...is it reasonable to expect the school to listen in on playground conversations? I mean, even if some teacher had heard them talking about french kissing, should she have dragged the kids apart? Reported the one who was talking about french kissing? Is french kissing really 'dirty' to require this?
Posts: 13123 | Registered: Feb 2002
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It's absolutely normal to be talking about french kissing in 1st grade. Heck, the large majority of my friends and I knew what it was before we entered kindergarten (though we never discussed it then), and we were all from "protective" families. It's only gotten worse over the last ten years.
At least he's not one of the aforementioned participatants in that.
And stricter supervision is definitely not the answer. Not that it's a bad idea - it's just impossible. I'm assuming your child is in Public School, along with 4th or 5th graders who are currently in a sexual education program. Even if they could monitor every conversation that happens on the school ground - and they can't -, the complex web of siblings, friends, and eavesdroppers would ensure that the kids who didn't know it are either kindergarteners or come to school in a limo and have a pager.
Besides, if stricter supervision was implemented and parents were notified, the kids are going to want to know why their having their necks be breathed down every minute.
Child: Mommy, do you know why there are five teachers watching us now instead of just two like before?
Mother: There was some people talking about naughty things.
posted
If I was the parent of a child who was talking with another child about french kissing, and my child got in trouble for talking about it, I think I would be a bit peeved.
Posts: 13123 | Registered: Feb 2002
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Boon
unregistered
posted
Okay, my kid was talking about it...
He said that 2 of his classmates were DOING IT just about every day at recess. He named the children, said they usually go under the jungle gym or around the corner of the building where the teachers couldn't see them.
I'm not really all that angry that he knows what it is, I'm just sad about that...
BUT! The kids in question are in the first grade and are kissing on the playground. AND, Dan got in trouble last week for making smooching noises at a girl. The problem with that? Well, he was teasing her for kissing the other boy.
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Oh, they were actually DOING it. Dar. I guess I could see the playground supervisor maybe stopping that. Heh. Never mind my comments.
Posts: 13123 | Registered: Feb 2002
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It's not the healthiest activity known to man, but it's probably not any worse than eating sand, which was my favorite outdoor activity at age 6.
Posts: 1839 | Registered: May 1999
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Ick. First graders french-kissing? Where's the appeal in that? That's some major cooties! But at the same time I remember doing some rather racey things when I was that age.... It's all curiousity and experimentation.
Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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Hmm. Oddly, I have utterly no memory of ever "not knowing" things about sex and various other intimacies. I do recall specifically thinking about the basic sexual ideas by kindergarten, and I can certainly remember not participating in such things as far back as I can remember. And I came from a protective family as well.
Maybe the thing to worry about is whether or not your son has sufficient information about the consequences of such activities, rather than their mere existence, which he will learn about in time anyway.
Then again, I've never raised a kid, so forgive me for any stupid things I might be saying.
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It's not out of the norm for children to experiment with french kissing; but that doesn't mean that it should be ignored or considered acceptable behavior.
Not that I think there's anything serious to be worried about, but the school should definitely step in and put a stop to it.
[ April 20, 2004, 08:03 AM: Message edited by: Scott R ]
Posts: 14554 | Registered: Dec 1999
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In the school I work, we don't even let them kiss at 14, so... They can hold each other hand, that's all. But it's a catholic school.
Posts: 3526 | Registered: Oct 2001
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I agree with mackillian: it's normal. Heck - talking about french kissing is pretty TAME compared to what I used to overhear on the school bus when I was six.
And when I was seven, for the whole year of second grade, I spent recess and lunch mostly in the bathroom. There was a band of icky boys led by gross-haired, booger-nosed, chapped-lipped Eric Johnston, who wanted to french kiss me and would chase me around the playground. Never caught me. Of course, this was back when they obeyed the 'no going in the girls' bathroom' rule....
Sometime when I was seven, my mom took me aside and explained all about sex and anything else I wanted to know - and I was always welcome to ask what anything meant (I don't know how my mom managed to field some of those qustions without batting an eye). Made the entire schoolyard culture of talking about sex and anything related lose its mystique entirely, and I went back to thinking about the things that really mattered - DINOSAURS.
(Come to think of it, I should have appreciated being popular enough to have a gang of boys chasing after me, and a gang of girls keeping lookout for me while it lasted. Before and after that year, I was not only 'the nerd,' I was the target of pretty much all teasing. The next time I had any boys interested in me at all was about 14 years later, in college.)
Posts: 188 | Registered: Dec 2002
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You know I'm surprised at these reactions... I thought this was supposed to be a forum full of people who had read Ender's Game. Posts: 2432 | Registered: Feb 2001
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Anna, just out of curiosity, what is the French term for a kiss in which the tongue is inserted into one's partner's mouth? If literally translated, does it by any chance read "English kiss"?
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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Hmm still fairly normal. I mean the favorite game of one of my friends in first grade was to chase down some boy she "liked" and kiss him. I don't think it was french kissing but yeah I can imagine that going on.
Posts: 872 | Registered: Mar 2002
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I dunno what the French french call it, but here in Québec it's known as frenching ("frencher", pronounce french-AY).
I seem to remember, when I was a wee primary schooler, that the playground talk was a lot more hardcore than french-kissing. But then again, I went to a school where 5th-graders wore Cannibal Corpse t-shirts and wore Doc Marten's up to their knees. Mohawks (the haircut) were common too.
quote: Anna, just out of curiosity, what is the French term for a kiss in which the tongue is inserted into one's partner's mouth? If literally translated, does it by any chance read "English kiss"?
We don't have a word for that. I'm not joking.
Posts: 3526 | Registered: Oct 2001
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I remember when I was six (lo! these many years ago!), one of my friend's moms was dating my uncle (who lived with us). He told me that his mom and my uncle 'humped'. Ooh, what a wonderful word! I didn't know what it meant, but it was *naughty*!
Every now and then on the way to school, we would whisper oh-so-conspiratorially hump , and dissolve into laughter.
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Talking about French kissing (and knowing what it means) is perfectly normal for a 7-year-old.
Two 7-year-olds actually doing it in the playground is unacceptable (I have no idea how normal it is). First, all children must be within sight and sound of a teacher at all times (this is the law in every state where I have worked with children and I am fairly sure it is the same in every state). So either the playground monitor is not watching the children carefully or she is ignoring the behavior. I would NEVER allow ANY of the children in our program to kiss, from the kindergartners to the eighth graders. If I saw it, I would immediately intervene and write an incident report. That is the policy of our program at the Y (it was also the policy when I worked at the JCC). I think it's a good policy.
The idea of first graders making out on the playground on a (seemingly) regular basis seems really wrong to me. I'm shocked that the school would allow this to go on.
You know, we just had a child abuse training and they told us that peer on peer sexual abuse is on its way to becoming the most common form of sexual abuse among school-aged children.
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
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quote: are in the first grade and are kissing on the playground.
I agree with the general consensus here; talking and giggling about it is perfectly normal, grade ones doing it seems almost unbelievable. I remember racy (for grade school!) topics coming up, but I don't remember any actually being enacted. Kiss chase (which yes, I participated in- don't judge me I was young and strange.) was as "grown-up" as it got and I don't recall actually catching anyone, and even if I had it would have been a peck to some poor unfortunate boy who couldn't run that fast!
It's definately an issue that the school should deal with- it's the equivalent of highchoolers having sex in the corridors at lunch. It's just not acceptable, and parents should be called.
Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
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quote:Anna, just out of curiosity, what is the French term for a kiss in which the tongue is inserted into one's partner's mouth? If literally translated, does it by any chance read "English kiss"?
We don't have a word for that. I'm not joking.
Well, duh. That's 'cause in France, it's just called kissing.
Posts: 9945 | Registered: Sep 2002
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