posted
Here's one to start you off. I love Rush, but this song "Virtuality" has lyrics so bad that I can hardly stand to listen to the entire album. Here you go:
quote: Net boy, net girl Send your signal 'round the world Let your fingers walk and talk And set you free
Net boy, net girl Send your impulse 'round the world Put your message in a modem And throw it in the Cyber Sea
...
Let's dance tonight To a virtual song Press this key And you can play along
Let's fly tonight On our virtual wings Press this key To see amazing things
:vomiting smiley: Sounds like Neal got a little to excited about this new "interweb" and finally lost interest in Tolkien and Rand. Maybe he should go back to literature.
Can you beat that?
Posts: 127 | Registered: Aug 2004
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quote: Dead dog lying in a ditch Cigarette smoker has an itch Secret whores with ancient vices [or is it ancient whores with secret vices?] Lucky has the lowest prices I'm gettin' higher I'm gettin' higher in the world
Granted, these are designed to make fun of bad lyrics, but they are still terrible.
posted
Okay, if no one can see my challenge (edit-I spoke too soon. Psi got in while I was writing this), maybe I'll have to best myself.
For my money, Avril Lavigne is the worst lyricist in the business. Of course, she's a teenager, and to be fair I haven't heard a lot of her songs. But whenever I have I've wanted to gouge my own ears out. Do people actually take this person seriously?
quote: He was a boy She was a girl Can i make it any more obvious ... He was a skater boy She said see you later boy ... Does your pretty face see what he's worth? ... We are in love Haven't you heard How we rock eachothers world
Oooh, them's bad lyrics. I almost hesitate to post it on a site started by a writer and inhabited by many writers, as it leaves a stain on the whole profession. For this, I apologize.
First, there's the theme. Some girl should feel bad that she dumped a freeloading bum just because he later wrote a popular song. It's like saying that you should stay with your alcoholic trailer-trash boyfriend because he might someday win the lottery. I'd like a sequel to the song about how this one-hit-wonder blows all his money and fails to get any marketable skills and has to spend the rest of his life on cheesy reality TV shows to feed his smack habit.
I'd deconstruct the poetic devices, but I'm sure the rest of you are intelligent enough to do that yourselves, so I'll save myself the trouble.
[ September 09, 2004, 11:26 AM: Message edited by: Speed 2: Cruise Control ]
Posts: 127 | Registered: Aug 2004
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quote: Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad- Come On (Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad) You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad- You Know It (Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad) You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad- You Know It, You Know (Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)
Woo! Woo! Woo! (And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now Just To Tell You Once Again . . .) You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad- Come On (Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad) You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad- You Know It-You Know It (Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad) You Know, You Know, You Know, Come On (Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad) And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now (And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now) Just To Tell You (Just To Tell You Once Again)
You Know I'm Smooth, I'm Bad, You Know It (Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad) You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad Baby (Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad) You Know, You Know, You Know It, Come On (Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad) And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now (And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now) Woo! (Just To Tell You Once Again)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad- You Know It (Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad) You Know I'm Bad-You Know-Hoo! (Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad) You Know I'm Bad-I'm Bad- You Know It, You Know (Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad) And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now (And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now) Just To Tell You Once Again . . . (Just To Tell You Once Again . . .) Who's Bad?
Kraftwerk - Pocket Calculator Lyrics I'm the operator with my pocket calculator I'm the operator with my pocket calculator I am adding and subtracting I'm controlling and composing I'm the operator with my pocket calculator I'm the operator with my pocket calculator
I am adding and subtracting I'm controlling and composing By pressing down a special key, it plays a little melody By pressing down a special key, it plays a little melody
I'm the operator with my pocket calculator I'm the operator with my pocket calculator
Posts: 7085 | Registered: Apr 2001
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posted
"Light as the Breeze" has some pretty painful lines:
quote:There's blood on every bracelet you can see it, you can taste it, and it's Please baby please baby please. And she says, Drink deeply, pilgrim but don't forget there's still a woman beneath this resplendent chemise
"Resplendent chemise?" WTF? I will never forgive Christie Brinkley for leaving Billy Joel and thus causing him to mar his Greatest Hits Part 3 with this piece of aaaack.
Posts: 1512 | Registered: A Long Time Ago!
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quote: Hangin' round downtown by myself And I had too much caffeine And I was thinkin' 'bout myself And then there she was In platform double suede Yeah there she was Like disco lemonade I smell sex and candy here Who's that lounging in my chair Who's that casting devious stares In my direction Mama this surely is a dream
posted
I know it's not the right thread, but I think the lyrics to "Jesse's Girl" are just wonderful. It uses the word "moot"!
quote:I play along with the charade That doesn’t seem to be a reason to change You know I feel so dirty when they start talkin’ cute I wanna tell her that I love her, but the point is probably moot
posted
Jesse's Girl is one of my faves, just because I like to sing it while I'm doing the dishes in this way:
"Don't you know that I am Jesse's girl (duh neh neh)"
----
Tom:
quote: Rows of lights in a circle of steel Where you place your bets on a great big wheel High windows flickerin’ down through the snow A time you know Sights and sounds of the people goin’ ’round Everybody’s in step with the season A child is born to a welfare case Where the rats run around like they own the place The room is chilly, the building is old That’s how it goes The doctor’s found on his welfare round And he comes and he leaves on the double
posted
I've always liked "Sex and Candy", or whatever that song is. The lyrics aren't brilliant or anything, but they aren't horrible like some of the stuff posted here.
I'm sure I'll think of something really horrible to contribute to this thread, but right now I'm drawing a blank.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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quote: Yohzik, you do know Billy didn't right that don't you?
Dagonee *Ducks before Sara comes in...
OMG, I was so going to post exactly this thought before fifth period started and I had to quit Hatracking!
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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posted
There's a song that's recently been on the radio called "Somebody Told Me" by The Killers that really bites. I won't post it, though, as it really doesn't compare to most of the other crap posted.
Posts: 2292 | Registered: Aug 2003
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And though Pop almost wins, I'll have to enter the following:
quote:Baby when I think about The day that we first met (the day that we first met) Wasn't lookin for what I found But I found you And I'm bound to find happiness in being around you
[Chorus:] I'm glad when I'm makin love to you I'm glad for the way you make me feel I love it cause you seem to blow my mind every time I'm glad when you walk you hold my hand I'm happy that you know how to be a man I'm glad that you came into my life I'm so glad
-Jennifer Lopez, who most likely didn't even write it
posted
Good Charlotte are a band that have so many truly awful lyrics that it's kinda hard to choose from. There's the unforgettable embarassment of Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous:
quote:Lifestyles of the rich and the famous They're always complaining, always complaining If money is such a problem Well they got mansions Think we should rob them
or the truly heinous The Anthem:
quote:"Go to college, a university, get a real job," That's what they said to me But I could never live the way they want I'm gonna get by and just do my time, out of step while they all get in line I'm just a minor threat so pay no mind
[...]
You...don't wanna be just like you What I'm sayin' is this is the anthem throw all your hands up, you, don't wanna be you
Shake it once, that's fine Shake it twice, that's okay Shake it three times, you're playing with yourself again
You...don't wanna be just like you What I'm sayin' is this is the anthem throw all your hands up, Y'all got to feel me, sing if you're with me, you, don't wanna be just like you (just like you) This is the anthem throw all your hands up, y'all got to feel me, sing if you're with me Another loser anthem (Whoa-oh) Another loser anthem (Whoa-oh) Another loser anthem (Whoa-oh) Another loser anthem (Whoa-oh)
or, still, the abominable The Young and the Hopeless:
quote:'Cause, I'm young and hopeless I'm lost and I know this I'm going nowhere fast that's what they say I'm troublesome, I've fallen I'm angry at my father It's me against this world and I don't care, I don't care
quote: Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got I'm still (I'm still) Jenny from the Block Used to have a little, now I got alot But I still know where I came from
posted
Sidenote - let's remember not to quote entire songs so as not to get our hosts in trouble for copyright infringement.
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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posted
As a sidenote, I'm currently listening to a pop radio stream from France, and the song playing is a techno remix of Abba's "Gimme Gimme Gimme"
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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quote: I was a missionary, and my companion's mom would send us Mormon music. Crap like J.Kapp Perry. Ick!--side rant--just because you can quote scriptures to a simple tune, it does not mean I am anti-Christ for hating it.
This reminds me of one of my favorite missionary moments.
I was on my mission, and when I was in the car my companion and I would always argue about the music. All the music I brought was classical-type, and all of his was church-pop type. I relentlessly mocked his taste in music and lampooned the selections that he made when it was his turn with the tape deck. One day I was being particularly cruel about some song that was just scriptures unsuited for lyrics set to a terrible tune, and he got a little defensive.
COMP: You can't make fun of this. It's holy writ.
ME: Or at least something that rhymes with "writ."
I've never seen a comp so pissed. I still laugh when I think about it.
Posts: 127 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
I heard this song at the US air base in Turkey. I only heard it once, but it is burned in my memory. Maybe I shouldn't share it. But the gist is that it is about the singer's quest for a girlfriend with bigger glutes.
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
I will wholeheartedly agree that Avril Lavigne's songs are the worst lyrics I've ever heard. They don't even make any sense!!!
quote: Uh huh, life's like this Uh huh, uh huh, that's the way it is Cause life's like this Uh huh, uh huh that's the way it is
quote: I like you the way you are When we're drivin' in your car
quote: where you are and where it's at you see you're making me laugh out when you strike your pose take off all your preppy clothes
AHHHHH!!!! WORST SONG EVER! Other than this one...
quote: You held my hand and walked me home, I know While you gave me that kiss it was something like this it made me go ooh ohh
quote: Don't think that your charm and the fact that your arm is now around my neck Will get you in my pants I'll have to kick your ass and make you never forget I'm gonna ask you to stop, thought I liked you a lot, but I'm really upset Get out of my head get off of my bed yeah thats what I said
She's fairly good at making her songs catchy, which just infuriates me all the more. Posts: 4816 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
There were these two song we used to listen to on my high school bus. I have never heard of them or the band before or since, but if this is familiar to anyone, I’d kind of like to find the CD, just for old times sake. It has a country/western quality to it, but I’ve listened to a lot of country music, and never come across its ilk again.
In one song he talks about how he passed a note to his first girlfriend and she fell in love with him because of his mastery of punctuation. The chorus is the text of the note (with the punctuation sung in words to better illustrate the beauty of it):
quote:I love you Period Do you love me Question Mark Please please Exclamation Point I want to hold you In Parentheses
The other song is about how he got the sheriff’s daughter pregnant and the sheriff had him thrown in jail:
quote:She got knocked up. I got locked up. Guess you’d say we both got screwed.
These obviously aren’t meant to be deep and meaningful songs, so maybe they don‘t quite fit the tone of the thread. But, I couldn’t stop thinking about them. Good times.
posted
This song makes me want to SCREAM and MURDER.
quote: My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard And they're like it's better than yours Damn right it's better than yours I could teach you but I'd have to charge
I know you want it The thing that makes me What the guys go crazy..for They lose their minds The way I rhyme I think it's time
Lalalalala warm it up Lalalalala the boys are waiting
I have to see you on it You want me to teach the Techniques that freaks these boys It can't be bought Just dont please get caught Watch if your smart
Lalalalala warm it up Lalalalala the boys are waiting Oh once you get involved Everyone will look this way so You must maintain your charm Same time maintain your halo Just get the perfect blend What you held within Then next his eyes are squinted Then he's picked up your scent
Edited to remove the repeating... too long for that much stupidity.
There's lots of cussing in this song... and I think this definately is up there in terms of worse lyrics ever. Granted its just a couple of the guys from blink 182 goofing off and the song is kinda funny for its sheer stupidity, but its lyrics are still awful.
"[tom] i want to **** a dog in the ass
[mark] he wants to **** a dog in the ass
[tom] i wanna **** a dog I tried to **** your mom in the ass Tried to **** your dad in the ass could only find the dog....and his ass
[mark and tom] we wanna **** a dog in the ass we wanna **** a dog in the ass we wanna **** a dog
[tom] I tried to **** a ****ing pirate in the ass
[mark] Aarrh me and me first mate asurvy cur
[tom] tried to **** a ****ing pirate but I've found the dog
[mark, in mexican accent] Ahh that was no pirate man that was thine own sister
[music stops]
[mark] its a Mexican pirate
[music continues]
[mark and tom] We want to **** a dog in the ass We want to **** a dog in the ass wanna **** a ****ing dog
These lyrics are written by a band whose name no sane parent would ever let their child listen to, and no movie would contain in conjunction with each other without a harsh R or mild X rating. They attempt to be the most offensive band you've ever heard. Please do not read the rest of my post if you are easily offended - I offer these lyrics in the sincere hope that the extremity of their offensiveness will be so ridiculous as to be funny.
Just... I can't in good conscience tell you their name. I'll leave it at that.
But anyway: their songs average about 30 seconds in length and generally consist of the lead singer shreiking the title of the song over and over again while the guitarist, drummer and bassist all try to sound like a garbage crusher. I was introduced to them because they are without a doubt the worst band known to man.
quote:I'm gonna dance all Dace Hall everyday. I'm gonna dance all Dance Hall every day. I'm gonna dance all Dance Hall every day. Well I'm giving myself another one, I have too much to say.
Dance all Dance Hall every day. I'm gonna dance all Dance Hall every day. I'm gonna dance all Dance Hall every day. I'm gonna angle for telepathy cuz I don't know the words to say.
"Dance Hall" by Modest Mouse. I don't really have an opinion of the album yet, but I do like the first 3 songs or so...
posted
What about 'The thong song'? I remember those lyrics being pretty atrocious.
Luckily, I was out of the country during the height of that song's popularity. However, I was subjected to 'La Bomba':
quote: Un movimiento sensual (sensual), Un movimiento muy sexy (sexy), Un movimiento muy sexy (sexy) y aquí se viene el africano con el baile que es una (bomba) Para bailar esto es una (bomba), para gozar esto es una (bomba), para menear esto es una (bomba) y las mujeres lo bailan así, así, así, así. Todo el mundo: una mano en la cabeza, una mano en la cabeza, un movimiento sexy, un movimiento sexy, una mano en la cintura, una mano en la cintura, un movimiento sexy, un movimiento sexy y ahora empiezo a menear: suavecito para abajo, para abajo, para abajo, suavecito para arriba, para arriba, para arriba suavecito para abajo, para abajo, para abajo, suavecito para arriba, para arriba, para arriba
Translation (feel free to replace 'the bomb' with 'da bomb,'):
quote: A sensual movement (sensual) A very sexy movement (sexy), a very sexy movement (sexy) And here comes the African with the dance that is the (bomb) To dance this is the (bomb) To enjoy this is the (bomb) To shake it is the (bomb) And the women dance like this, like this, like this, like this. Everybody: A hand on your head, a hand on your head A sexy movement, a sexy movement, A hand on your waist, a hand on your waist, A sexy movement, a sexy movement And now I begin to shake it: Smoothly down, down, down Smoothly up, up, up Smoothly down, down, down Smoothly up, up, up
quote:I heard this song at the US air base in Turkey. I only heard it once, but it is burned in my memory. Maybe I shouldn't share it. But the gist is that it is about the singer's quest for a girlfriend with bigger glutes.
Pooka, I think there's likely an entire genre devoted to those kinds of songs. Posts: 2292 | Registered: Aug 2003
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:vomiting smiley: Sounds like Neal got a little to excited about this new "interweb" and finally lost interest in Tolkien and Rand. Maybe he should go back to literature.
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