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As many of you know, and the rest will soon learn, at this time of year I earn my holiday money playing Santa Claus.
(Not a bobble head Santa)
This year I was requested to preside over the holiday brunch at one of the swankier local Country Clubs. Its the fifth year that I've had the honor.
NOBODY SAID NOTHIN ABOUT A @#$@#@#%#$#@ HELICOPTER!!!!!
Ok.
Years ago I told my booking agent that I'd arrive in a helicopter. They cheapened--er--chickened out. A golf cart was good enough for Santa.
Weather always seemed to be wrong or too risky for this silly idea.
No one even mentioned it this year until I got there and was already dressed.
They drove me down to the far far end of the golf course and this helicopter arrives and they say,Santa, get in the helicopter and we'll fly you in.
Now I would have been ok with that.
It would have been fun.
But you would think they would have gone for a real helicopter. You know--something with room for at least 1 full size adult person?
But no... They brought up this little bitty thing. I swear my lawnmower had a bigger motor...
I mean my small push mower...
The one without an engine.
I mean, if the freakin gerbil on his exercise wheel would have stopped for a kibble break, the thing would have fallen right then.
But they tell me to get into it, and the show must go on.
I squeeeeeeeezzzze into this small thing and then they have the nerve to try and squeeze the pilot in next to me.
Did I mention I was dressed as Santa Claus--you know--with all that extra stuffing?
Now I know why they call the front part of the helicopter the bubble. I felt that one large inhale on my part, and the thing would have popped.
I sneezed once and I think I down shifted the helicopter into low.
Helicopter and Low are two words you don't want together until its time to land.
He had to wait for the wind to be just right to get us enough lift to take off.
We managed to clear the trees and most of the electric lines. I looked down longingly at the golf course receding below. The only thing that I kept thinking was "boy, will they have a heck of a divot to replace when this thing smacks into the green."
Luckily we didn't run out of gas before we reached our landing zone. Of course the @$R@#$@ manager told the pilot to fly around some and make a grand entrance.
All I can say is that Santa's face was very Christmassy---all Red and GREEN.
Once we landed the show went very well. At the end the manager said thanks, and he was looking forward to next year.
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I'm sorry, Dan, but I'm giggling hysterically over this one. Did anyone have a videocamera running to capture this? Posts: 4515 | Registered: Jul 2004
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They should've just made you skydive down and been like, "Oops, kids, Santa's been drinking again and fell out the sleigh! Ho ho ho!"
Posts: 3056 | Registered: Jun 2001
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When I was growing up, a guy used to fly a gyrocopter, like this one around the lake behind our house. I used to always think it was so cool and I really, really wanted one.
Posts: 4625 | Registered: Jul 2002
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I used to go to the Montrose Christmas Parade every year, and Santa always flew over in a chopper and yelled "Merry Christmas" over a bullhorn. Of course, he got to ride in either the Sheriff's Dept. chopper, or the Search and Rescue copter, so I have a sneaking suspicion he may not have come all the way from the North Pole...
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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This evening I had three 300lb women sitting on Santa's lap.
I also had two very lovely young ladies who braved major cleavage despite the sub-freezing temperatures outside.
While this may inspire some people to think, "Its good to be the Santa." I must point out that their Pro-Football-Linebacker-Sized husbands were also present, as was my wife.
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