I've mentioned how nervous I am about the whole concept of dating again, now that my divorce is finally about-to-be-final.
So I figured it might be useful to look at a couple of online sites that target my demographic. Actually, mostly it's made me more terrified.
But what is REALLLLLLLY annoying are the "profiles" posted by jerks with too much time on their hands. I thought this "Jack Bauer" sounded a tad too familiar . . . google told me why. And there were several others that struck me as likely fakes as well, although a bit less obvious about it.
Who DOES this? Who posts these profiles? Is this fun for someone? And then when they get responses . . . I shudder to imagine.
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Shan, yeah. The tip-off on that was that the screen-name actually WAS jackbauer. Which seemed odd -- most people on the site use either a non-name SN or just a first name.
But the rest was totally drawn from the character profile -- widowed 3 years, daughter, etc. -- and just struck me as odd. Jerk.
Right now, I'm trying to get up the nerve to post a profile . . . at least, I'm thinking about it.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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Don't do it rivka. That's trying too hard. Don't look for love. Wait for it to come on its own. Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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While I'm hesitant to respond to someone else's profile, I figured this was me being proactive and putting myself out there. But letting someone else do the pursuing.
Or something like that.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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I'm gonna disagree with Icky here, although I've never tried an Internet dating site myself. (I have dated people I met on the Internet, just not on purpose. )
If you are interested in going out and meeting people and having fun, I think registering at an Internet dating site is a fine way to do it. Especially since you're nervous about starting dating again. This gives you a pretty low-key way to start. If you go out on a date with someone and it sucks, you lose nothing but an hour or so of your time. (Assuming you start with meeting for coffee or something.) But you get practice dating, and will hopefully start to feel more comfortable with it. Then when you do meet someone who might be worth spending some more time with, whether it's through the site or just through life, the pressure won't be so high and you'll be more likely to be comfortable and relaxed, and have a good time.
So, as far as your profile... I think you should use the word "bombastic" in there somewhere. Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
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I could certainly be wrong. Don't know what I would do in that situation. But all of my biggest mistakes when it comes to dating and love seem to have come from trying too hard.
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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In one sense Icky's right - love will come, and your job is to be in a position to recognize and seize it when it happens.
But, there's nothing incompatible between this philosophy and using a dating service, as long as your goal is not to find love, but to meet people you may enjoy spending time with.
From your posts, I'd say you're mind's in the right place. Just be ready to spark up a conversation with that cute but shy guy at a friend's wedding reception when you were expecting to be miserable all night. Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003
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But that's kind of my point, Dag. It seems like when you're open, maybe, but not looking that the best things happen.
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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Ooooh, I especially like the "date me at your own peril" part!
But hmmmm, I think I had a different definition then the dictionary seems to. I meant it in a good way. The would probably still be appropriate, but really, I did mean it in a good way.
Edit: See!? See!?! What dkw said!
And imogen, in one case, yes. But I got engaged to him on purpose, and that didn't work out too well, so I think I'll go back to the accidental thing.
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My mom recently got some flack for putting her profile on an online dating site, which I think is rather judgemental and mean. Like you, Rivka, her list of possibilities is rather restricted due to religion. She can't just go hang out at the local bar and pick up a friend. More power to you - when you have pretty strict standards, you gotta work a little harder to find people you'd be compatible with.
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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I'm just trying to picture an accidental date...
"Ok, so here I am. In resteraunt. With man. Wine on table. He's trying to hold my hand - oh crud - not again! I'm dating!"
And I would have thought of bombastic as a cross between bombshell and fantastic - definately a compliment. Posts: 4393 | Registered: Aug 2003
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Bombastic: Fabulously larger-than-life, entertaining, amusing, and enchanting, but not someone you want to argue with unless you're really sure of your position. Capable of throwing cutting glances or remarks across the room, but you'll be laughing enough that it won't hurt a bit. Happiest at the center of attention, and holds it well.
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Bob and I figured out we were attracted to each other by accident, because of a quirky misunderstanding of a joke on a Hatrack thread. And then we got engaged pretty much by accident too. We just kind of slid into it while we were trying to figure out how to get together for our first date.
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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Ic, I don't think anyone could interpret what you said as "flack." You were expressing a negative opinon of the value of internet dating sites, not of rivka.
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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Yep. It was pretty obviously accidental, on both our parts. (The timing of it, at least. It was apparently part of the famous three year plan (which I STILL have not seen the flowcharts for) but wasn't supposed to happen for, um, three years.)
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A very good friend of mine (by the name of pseudo-hobbit) met her boyfriend on the inter-web, and they are very happy with each other. (not so happy with his family, but I know she'll deal with that.)
Maybe I'll steer her here if she doesn't come on her own.
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I actually just nabbed your paragraph, minus the last sentence (which I'm not sure I agree with, and certainly didn't want to say).
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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*giggle* That part was more for my definition in general, not in specific. But I can certainly understand leaving it out.
I think I read recently about a company that was writing profiles and personal ads for people. Talking to them and getting to know them, and then writing ads that were honest but more likely to get attention than what you might write yourself. I should do that.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
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As long as they understand that you are most certainly not shy and retiring...
Wouldn't want to cross those truth in advertising laws.
Wishing you good fortune in your proactive quest. I have some faith in your ability to see through BS so I'm sure that any cautionary remarks would be superfluous Posts: 2022 | Registered: Mar 2004
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Sometimes love comes when you least expect it, but it does not come when you are in your house reading all weekend. Not that I would mind the latter. Props to Rivka for being proactive.
Posts: 1015 | Registered: Aug 2004
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I thought this "Jack Bauer" sounded a tad too familiar . . . google told me ![[Mad]](mad.gif)
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Jerk.![[Dont Know]](graemlins/dontknow.gif)
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