posted
So I start a job, and at first, it's great! I'm excited. I'm interested. I work hard.
Until about the four month mark or so, where I begin to get bored. And then I get depressed. Soon, I find myself unable to do my job. I get "stuck". I feel like I'm superglued to my chair, unable to make any forward movement. I do the barest minimum necessary, and sometimes, not even that.
This has happened at every single job I've had. Even happened on the paper route I had as a kid.
I'd like to understand WHY this happens, so I can think of ways to correct this behavior. Some of it may be biochemical -- I do tend to get depressed around this time of year -- but I think some of it is behavioral, as well.
Thoughts? I really need to figure this out, because I cannot afford to lose another job.
posted
Well, there are a couple of things that could be responsible for this. First, you're obviously quite bright, and my guess is that you require quite a bit of stimulation in order to keep yourself occupied. Am I right? I could easily be wrong about the latter part of that--I don't know you all *that* well--although I've seen enough of you to be fairly certain of the former.
Might you have ADD?
Do you take jobs that are below your level of ability, that fail to challenge you after you've learned the new system? Might you be happier in a job that threw more varied challenges at you, and kept you just a bit off balance most of the time?
What was your childhood like? Can you think of any attitudes toward work on your parents' part that might have molded this in you? How would you characterize your parents' parenting style in general?
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
The times that I've gotten stuck in a rut at work it has been either because I felt that there was no way I could change the way we were doing things or I was getting no participation from above either in leadership or recognition.
I'm not sure of the type of work you're in, xnera, nor the dynamics of your workplace. My only advice is to try and figure out what help you need from your employer and, if possible, tactfully ask them to help you. The last thing you need is to be let go when your employer would have been perfectly happy to do just what you needed to get you going again, but you never proposed the solution to them.
posted
I'm finally coming out of a stuck rut that I've been in since I got swamped in July. Basically shut down and only doing the minimum to get by.
What changed? I'm not entirely sure, but I have been getting a sense of accomplishment from a couple of projects that I've gotten done at home and I think it is carrying over.
I know it isn't directly related to you, but recently I've also been going into a frenzy of activity on Sunday evening. But I do feel like I've accomplished something over the weekend when I go to work on monday and it helps make work more bearable.
quote:When an INFP supports a particular project or goal, they can get an extraordinary amount of work done in a short time. On the other hand, INFPs tend to procrastinate and are dissatisfied by detailed work not related to one of their important values. This is one reason INFPs are happier when working at jobs which are related to their values.
And I often wonder if this is what the problem is. Right now, I'm working in finance. My job is basically to delete lines from spreadsheets and copy data from one form to another. Pretty boring, and doesn't fit in with my values.
quote:Well, there are a couple of things that could be responsible for this. First, you're obviously quite bright, and my guess is that you require quite a bit of stimulation in order to keep yourself occupied
Possible. I sometimes wonder if I sabotage myself to make things more interesting. It's scary to think that I would be doing such a thing, but maybe that's what is happening.
It's possible I have ADD, though I've read enough to conclude that I probably don't. Still, I really want to go to a psychiatrist and get properly diagnosed, because I'm sick of having to deal with this. First I need to find my health insurance stuff, though. I scooped it up when I was cleaning the house for my birthday party, and now I can't find it. It's probably in Mound Doom somewhere.
My parents are both people who work hard, no matter what the job is. Dad can go to work, do his job, and go home, and not think about it. Mom's of the notion that you just do your job, and doesn't understand why I can't sometimes. Both of them have problems understanding that I need to feel invested in my job, though Dad is more understanding than Mom is. I've felt that they've been very protective of me growing up, and I've often gotten the message that they believed I was incapable of handling life very well.
quote:The times that I've gotten stuck in a rut at work it has been either because I felt that there was no way I could change the way we were doing things or I was getting no participation from above either in leadership or recognition.
Pretty much the latter, here. My supervisor has been insanely busy, and has not had any time for me, really. So I'm pretty much on my own. Which would be fine if I was into my work, because then I could just focus and DO it, but I'm having problems with the "just DO it" thing.
Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
Hmm What do you really want to do? What is your Romantic DREAM? I know I am tired of my job, but this is because I have been bagging for a freaking year and they will never move me to something else... So I keep dragging when it comes to leaving the house and I end up being 7 minutes late.
edited to add- Then again, if it is boring as all hell, who can blame you for having trouble forcing yourself to do the work? Perhaps you need a job with more challenge...
quote:I've often gotten the message that they believed I was incapable of handling life very well.
I'd guess that this is the single most important sentence in your post, at least in relation to working through this problem. Messages like this from parents can be devistating, and are not uncommon.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
I read your description, and I thought "Of course! That's just the way life is." It's not too surprising that I'm an INTP, very similar to you.
Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003
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quote:Pretty boring, and doesn't fit in with my values.
This is a value-weighted statement. Is there nothing relating to the company you work for that supports your values? If you are working for a company that funds expeditions to the arctic to harvest baby seal fur, then I guess the answer would be "no".
You are struggling with a belief that doing your job doesn't matter. Does it really not matter?
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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Synth, what I'd really like to do is write. Or at least, be surrounded by creative people. I was happiest when I was unemployed because I had the time to follow my own interests. I wrote about writing, and did volunteer tech support, and programmed an AIM bot, and indexed posts. Everything I was doing seemed to involved writing in some way, and I was very happy, if broke. And yeah, I was stressed about finances, but somehow it still felt better than I feel now, when I have money but am just so incapable of doing ANYTHING because I am tired all the time.
Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
Why not try technical writing? It doesn't require a particularly elaborate skill set, and you're already a techie who likes to write.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
What jerks they are for saying stuff like that to you! But, you are in a simular position I am in. There is nothing I want to do besides write. I am tired of my current job. The prospect of working another retail job makes me miserable. I need to write, but my writing is so random and irrational that I wonder if anyone will want to read it... But still... somehow, realistically, all people must overcomet hat and make their dreams come true... Or else the same thing will keep happening. Boredom, the time dragging, being unable to get your work done... all of those are signs that say, "This isn't for you, do what you were born to do!"
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
I don't know that technical writing would be more meaningful. I have a friend who is a sociology professor who doesn't feel her work is meaningful. I think it is just the beliefs about work, more than what the work is, that are creating unhappiness. But I'm kind of a Cog-Behavioral junkie.
P.S. Because Syn posted the same time as me. I really believe what OSC says, that if you don't suck you can succeed at writing. A good proportion of us feel superior to him, yet he is a successful writer while we sit at our terminals mentally constipated. But we are held back by some inhibiting belief that we do suck. That if we really poured our heart into the great American novel, that people would read it and know the truth about us and that somehow would not be a good thing.
posted
Okay, well, the cool part is that you've articulated all of those negative messages that you absorbed as a child. That's a great first step. The next thing to do (and for all I know you've done this already, but if so I'd try doing it again if you still find yourself dealing with these issues) would be to actively work on healing from all of that.
Books that I found useful in helping myself with this kind of stuff include Born to Win, and the cheesy but nonetheless helpful Healing the Child Within. I had a real hangup about reading books like this when Christine first broached the subject with me. They seemed embarassing to me in just about every way possible--like an admission of weakness, and filled with new-agey crap, and a symptom of a problem rather than a tool for solving the problem. In one of the books there was an exercise about "filling your love tank" that just completely disgusted me. I believe I threw the book across the room, actually. Nonetheless, I stuck with them, read them, worked through the exercises, journaled, and all that, and I think I came out a better, more healthy person for the experience.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
xnera, I don't know what it is that makes you feel that way ((hug here)) but if you figure it out, let me know, okay? Because it is the same affliction my ex-husband has. He's really an all right guy -- smart and all -- but starts every job off that way and then is either fired/quit/whatever within a short period of time because he gets bored or whatever and starts not showing up, or hating it more and more... etc. That's why he went through countless jobs in our six years of marriage. He just recently had a new job and love it (it seemed) but he's gone from there already. I feel bad for him because he has so much POTENTIAL, but what he describes feeling is very much like what you say.
How much of this do you "externalize?" By that, I mean -- how much are you feeling like "I have no control over this, it is because of [insert whatever job]" and how much of it do you feel like YOU have the ability to change yourself? I'm really asking out of curiousity.
posted
It sounds like perhaps you like change - in which case you should either (A)figure out how to switch things up at your current job, or (B)find a new job where things won't get stagnant. Perhaps you'd prefer something where you go from one project to another, rather than staying at the same tasks.
Posts: 2432 | Registered: Feb 2001
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posted
The trouble with needing frequent change is that it isn't what most employers look for in a prospective employee. I don't know if changing the current work environment is more feasible. My guess would be that half your boredom arises from the belief that your current work environment can't change. The other half is that the days are getting shorter and your body is turning more of your seratonin into melatonin- by my totally non-professional guess.
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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You can write, we all know that. Your posts are a delight to read and quite clear. Why not go for it? Sometimes dreams are worth sacrificing for...
Posts: 3060 | Registered: Nov 2003
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posted
xnera, would tackling Mt. Doom help? I've been kinda wondering if we could work out something semi-reciprocal. I have my own set of decluttering issues. I know you are an introvert so I don't know how often you'd want to do something like that though. I was thinking maybe once a month or maybe twice a month once at each person's place.
rationalize your job is essential because it allows you to live your life outside of work -- i.e. do something fun after work each day so that you feel like your work supports your lifestyle, thus allowing yourself to get through the workday by having something to look forward to.
If you are only doing the bare minimum to get by make a list of tasks to accomplish for the day and reward yourself with an activity or treat when you complete them. Positive reinforcement and hey, who doesn't like a treat?!
Find some way to make your work interesting. Give yourself goals, look for the bigger picture and don't get lost in the monotony.
Do something fun for lunch. This helps break up the day. Go for a walk, meet with a friend, read a book, just get out of the office. It gives you a new perspective for the afternoon.
Good luck! Only you can break the habit.
Posts: 1777 | Registered: Jan 2003
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posted
Tom, I've thought about technical writing. I've even applied for some technical writing positions. The problem is that all of the openings in the Chicago area want you to have at least five years experience. That hasn't stopped me from applying, but I haven't exactly been getting a lot of nibbles from that.
quote: Is there nothing relating to the company you work for that supports your values?
Eh, not really. Well, Mandelbrot worked for IBM, which is pretty darn cool, but otherwise, no. My immediate job involves moving imaginary money about. Sometimes I get a little thrill that I've just created a journal entry for a million dollars, but otherwise, no. I'm still a geek, but I'm much less of a computer geek than I was five years ago, so I can't even get excited about that. And IBM is a very corporate world, and I hate this kind of world. Would rather be in academics, really.
quote:If you are working for a company that funds expeditions to the arctic to harvest baby seal fur, then I guess the answer would be "no".
Well, I'd be aghast at the harvesting of baby seal fur, but expeditions to the artic? COOL!
quote:You are struggling with a belief that doing your job doesn't matter. Does it really not matter?
It matters to someone, but not to me. I want to inspire people, and humor them, and teach them, and leave this world a better place. And all I am doing right now is deleting lines from spreadsheets. Woo, exciting.
Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
I'm the same way, Xnera. All I am doing is bagging groceries. I hate bagging groceries... I need to do something different..............
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
Farmgirl, the funny thing is that I don't want to work directly with people. They'd tire me out. But I do want my work to have a positive impact on folks. This is why I loved doing volunteer tech support, and working on my bot. Because I was able to help people via support, and the bot was a huge hit and everyone loved it. So I guess I'm okay with working with data, as long as I feel that it's for some greater good, and not just so that some corporation makes a ton of money.
Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
Hmm Could you try something in Americorps? I did it before and it was a good experience. Not much money, but, it has certain benefits to it....
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
I'm seeing this as being a problem similar to relationship addiction. And if we were talking about a person instead of a job, I don't think as many people would be saying "You just need something sexier."
Jobs aren't people, but there was a time that you felt this job was worth N hours of your day in exchange of X dollars.
Maybe this is some low level form of PTSD where the weather and other factors are making it seem like you are in some job that didn't work out previously. You mentioned that you "get depressed this time of year."
But you are single and no one is dependent on you but you. So I guess if you really want to sow your wild oats job wise, now is as good a time as any.
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
"there was a time that you felt this job was worth N hours of your day in exchange of X dollars."
The problem is, at least from my perspective, that this is a really, really crappy reason to work. Because if you don't feel like you have any other options, and aren't doing anything particularly fascinating with your time outside of work, you wind up feeling like you're trading time for money and not really having much need of either from anything but a subsistence perspective. And this does not lend itself to happiness or satisfaction.
That said, Karen, I think you ARE stuck at that job for a while. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't keep scouring the newspapers looking for other work, because you know you won't be happy doing menial accountancy over the long term. I'd recommend throwing yourself into other pursuits when you're not on the job, in the hopes that this will energize you while working -- and keep you motivated for a larger job search.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
It sounds to me like it would also potentially help - a lot - if you pursued things that energized you in your off-work hours. So, fine, you can't change your work situation immediately. You do need to work to earn money. But your off-work time you have more control over. If you want to write, then write. Just do it. Or whatever it is that energizes you. Find a way. Play. Experiment with different things. See what works for you. And if you can eventually find a way to make those work for you in a financial way, then all the better. But at least start doing it now because it will save your sanity.
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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quote:but there was a time that you felt this job was worth N hours of your day in exchange of X dollars.
Not really. I needed a job, because I was running out of money. This one came my way, and so I took it. That's pretty much it, though I do recall thinking that it was a good fit with my skills. But it was very much a necessity thing, and I knew that it was just going to be temporary until I got back on my feet financially. Which is going well, but I am still working on.
I don't think finding another job is the answer. And it's not what I want to do right now. I'm looking not so much to change my environment, but to understand what exactly is going on, and maybe implement some changes in behavior. I'm not convinced that these issues will magically go away if I could find the perfect job. And there's no such thing as the perfect job, anyway. All jobs have elements of boredom in them, and sometimes require hard work. I need to learn to work through the times of boredom, and to do that hard work. This is true whether I am deleting lines from spreadsheets, or writing the Great American Novel.
Jean (that's my therapist) and I have discussed ways to stay more focussed at work. Writing to-do lists help a bit, though sometimes all I get accomplished is writing the list. Last week, I took a guess at how long it would take me to accomplish each task, and then kept track of my time. That was fun, and kept me pretty motivated for a day or two. I also seem to do pretty well when I have a specified deadline to meet. I often wonder if a lot of my issues at work is that I get these requests that don't have any obvious deadline, or whose deadlines are too far in the future, so I put them off because I don't feel any urgency to do them.
Christy, I like the idea of giving myself rewards. It's worked in the past: I used to put a sticker on my to-do list at the end of each day. Meant to find my stickers last night, but I forgot. Maybe I will buy some during lunch.
I also do think that doing fun stuff outside of work is important. The problem here is that I've had no energy lately, so I basically come home and go to sleep. It also doesn't help that one of my extracurricular activities is stressful in itself right now, so I'm not getting much enjoyment from it.
I had over eight hours of sleep last night, and am feeling slightly better today, so we'll see how the day goes.
Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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quote: I don't think finding another job is the answer. And it's not what I want to do right now. I'm looking not so much to change my environment, but to understand what exactly is going on, and maybe implement some changes in behavior. I'm not convinced that these issues will magically go away if I could find the perfect job. And there's no such thing as the perfect job, anyway. All jobs have elements of boredom in them, and sometimes require hard work. I need to learn to work through the times of boredom, and to do that hard work. This is true whether I am deleting lines from spreadsheets, or writing the Great American Novel.
It's good you said this yourself. I wanted to say it and was trying to think of a way not to sound harsh.
One thing that has helped me go through times like these is learning how to detach myself from my work emotionally. I just go to work and do it, without thinking about how it relates to my life. Pretty soon, I find that I'm doing a better job and getting more things done. Then that in turn makes me feel better about myself.
Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 1999
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Bad, bad day. I am getting worse. I am anxious all the time, and not getting anything done at work. It's month end this week - the one week I need to do my job. I can't afford to sit and do nothing. Plus, I just don't like feeling this way.
So, I really need to get my butt down to work.
But more importantly, I need to take care of myself. If I don't, then I will be unable to work. So, first things first: work on getting well again.
Tonight I said a silent prayer and ventured into the bedroom to face Mound Doom, in which I was sure the health care packet was hiding. Luck was with me tonight, as I found it within a minute, yay! It turns out they did NOT send me an ID card because I have not picked a medical group/independent practice association. Well, you didn't tell me I had to! Stupid Blue Cross. Anyway, it looks like I can do that on the Internet, so I will try to do that tonight, so I can get in to see a psychiatrist ASAP.
In the meantime, I'm going to brainstorm up ways to get better without medication. I know that I am able to stop negative thoughts quickly; I've done it before. It's just figuring out how to do it that is the problem.
I think I need to feel good about myself again. I need to feel capable. Oh sure, there's the whole "Act As If" thing, and that can work, sometimes, but I think what would really help is to be successful at something. I have a little saying: Success begets success. It's true. When I have a good evening at home, I end up having a pretty good day at work the next day. So tonight, instead of sleeping like I really want to, I am going to try to be active. I've already made a good first step by finding the health care stuff. I think what I will do is turn on the Classical Relaxation CD, light a candle, and write. It's been so long since I've written longhand in my journal, and I feel the need to fall in love with the physical act of writing again. It's soothed me in the past, and I could certainly use some soothing now.
I'm open to any suggestions on how to stay focussed at work, or how to stop those negative thoughts in their tracks, or any other tips you might have. I need help and support right now.
Oh, and I could also use some laughter, so if you have some funnies, point me in their direction. This is actually by order of my therapist, who encouraged me to laugh and have some fun this week. Laughter is the best medicine, after all.
Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
Enjoy yourself every day. Chill. If you get distracted at work, stop for a few minutes, get your bearings and do it again. And be glad that you do not have my job. For the second time I have had to clean the toilet because of someone who can't aim right... I really, really, really want to quit... I am getting the shaft in that job. *a bit bitter* In fact, I want to take tomorrow off or at least leave early... ^^;;;;;;;;; Yes, it's getting worse...
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
A lot of good advice here... you are heading in the right direction.
One suggestion....take that list of things people have said about you or told you to Jean and have her help you write some positive affirmations to replace them. Repeat the new affirmations out loud to yourself every morning and night or more. And don't look at that old nasty list again for at least 6 months or so. By writing them down and looking at them, you are reinforcing others' incorrect assumtions about you in your own mind. Fight back. Don't let someone else tell you who to be. YOU get to choose.
posted
Oh, I had no idea you weren't on meds already. Why is it important to you to not use them? Maybe that's too personal to get into here. I understand the general idea- I have days when I really think I should, but most of the time I feel like meditation, exercise, and eating well are working okay.
I don't really qualify as Seasonal Affective Disorder, because I'm not exclusively depressed in winter. I experience sporadic depression, and moreso in the winter, and that doesn't count according to the pop psych articles I have read.
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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I agree that even the perfect job might not be the solution right here and now. I think it is very important that you realize that, and a good thing that you are aware of it.
The very first thing you should do, IMO, is get a professional opinion...I am NOT a professional, although it have a fairly broad base of knowledge in psychology. There are specific disorders that are best treated by medication, and there are others that can be treated by different methods.....but only a professional can diagnose and treat.
Also, keep in mind that often medication is used initially to gain control of some mood disorders, but they are not always permanent treatments. Sometimes they are essential at the beginning of a course of treatment, and allow you to focus on the underlying problems that cause these issues to reoccur so often.
Best of luck, and I hope everything works out well.
xnera... you have know idea how very much alike we are. I sometimes wonder if I have a slight case of ADD. My mind bounces from one thing to another to the point of detriment to what I am supposed to be working on. I procrastinate to no end until it is literally crunch time. I like crisis. And yet, I will get so bored or in a rut that I will nervously redo my website or some other project until the nervousness has dissipated. Right now, it is my beading that keeps me busy (should be my writing). I can feel the boredom with it scratching at the back of my brain, but I am trying to overcome it. Instead of lists, which I make often and calm me down, I am sketching out designs. They are horrible sketches because I can't draw worth crap, but they force me to focus on the next task.
Anyways, reading your posts give me hope. Heck... reading Hatrack gives me hope. Guess what I am trying to say is thanks.
Posts: 822 | Registered: Jul 2001
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posted
I am not against meds at this point in my life. There was a time that I was, but eventually things got bad enough that I was willing to do anything to get better. I was on Prozac last year, but stopped taking it because it eventually became ineffective, plus the side effects were no fun. I do believe that it would be a good idea to get on some proper medication, at least for a little while, or for as long as necessary. Recently, I was taking St. John's Wort, but that seems to not be helping anymore (and is possibly making things *worse*) so I am back to not taking anything, at the moment.
I do get frustrated sometimes because I don't understand how other people can just do their work without any problems. I want to know what their secret is. Why they can just go to work and do their job, and I can't. Is it really my personality that stops me? Or is it brain chemistry? Or is it simply patterns that I have learned, and can I learn to be like them? This is what I want to know.
I don't think I am ADD. I know people who are. I do not "look" like them. I believe that a lot of my issues come from codependency. I believe there are still issues that I need to work through and understand. But I also feel that there *is* some chemical stuff going on right now, which is why I want to get myself to a doctor.
Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
The life of a professional killer rarely gets dull, unless you're just plain not enthusiastic about it enough.
Posts: 2258 | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
Ahh...as I aasked I realized that is what it is....there are a few different types of those games in the local arcades, adn some of those people are completely insane!
So, AJ...any pics of you trying to do that ddr? Posts: 15082 | Registered: Jul 2001
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posted
Hey, xnera, I know how you feel about getting bored. Have you thought about doing a job that tends to be unpredictable? Would you perhaps enjoy something like being an EMT? Or maybe you could get yourself hired as a moderator of a very interesting forum. You could try to free-lance for a magazine (one of the popular science-type ones, or computing) and then that might lead to a permanent job. Do something crazy. Apply to be an astronaut! Or you could quit your job, get very, very good at StarCraft or Counter Strike or some other popular computer game and play professionally. Now wouldn't that be fun?
Posts: 3546 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
Eek. I am all full of anxiety this morning, and feel inches away from bursting into tears. I feel like I've already screwed up, and the day hasn't even started! Help?
Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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. Good luck.
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Last week, I took a guess at how long it would take me to accomplish each task, and then kept track of my time. That was fun, and kept me pretty motivated for a day or two. I also seem to do pretty well when I have a specified deadline to meet. I often wonder if a lot of my issues at work is that I get these requests that don't have any obvious deadline, or whose deadlines are too far in the future, so I put them off because I don't feel any urgency to do them.![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Meant to find my stickers last night, but I forgot. Maybe I will buy some during lunch.![[Wink]](wink.gif)
Making the original list was very liberating, but reversing it was even more so.![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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