posted
I've been having alot of troubles lately but have always looked to my father who persevered no matter how hard his life was and that gave me stregnth. but today my parents suddenly told me that from now on he will be staying home on disability. Now all that inspired me is gone and my father's inevitable fall (about which i have been having nightmares for my entire life) has come and i am all too quickly being forced to face the fact that no matter how strong or invincible someone is that person will fall. now after witnissing my dad's fall i realize that no matter how hard i try i too shall fall. now all my insperation is gone and i find myself asking how i can go on with life and why i should even bother trying if i too shall fall. i have no stregnth and need some purpose in my life and something to live for HELP ME I NEED SOME HOPE IN MY LIFE HOW CAN I GO ON WITHOUT HOPE NOW I AM TRULY ALONE MORE SO THAN EVER BEFORE I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO PLEASE HELP ME
Posts: 50 | Registered: Aug 2005
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posted
Certainly. For a start I shall help you with your post. Paragraphs are good. Punctuation is also good. Nobody wants to read someone else's stram of consciousness.
Posts: 10645 | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
This doesn't make sense to me. Your father is the same man now as he was yesterday, regardless of whether he's employed or staying at home or on disability or not. Just because he's no longer working and on disability doesn't mean he's fallen. It just means that his life is taking a direction that's different than you envisioned.
If he's a good man, then he's a good man. Why does employment affect this?
My suggestion would be for you to calm down and try to understand your parent's decisions from their perspective. Perhaps there's something here for you to learn.
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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Blayne Bradley
unregistered
posted
Wise woman once said: "All is One, and One is All."
I shall answer it tomorrow should no one determine its meaning, though I'll be saddened if no one can.
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I'm so sorry you're feeling so awful Shvester. I know what it's like to be depressed. You need to be strong though. Your dad must be having a very difficult time with this as well and he needs your support. I know how difficult it is to see your parent go through this type of thing. My mother hasn't worked for over a year now due to a medical problem.
posted
Maybe this is a good time to learn the lesson that who we are is not merely what we do for a living. Too many people seem to describe themselves first by their profession. "I'm a teacher." How about "I'm a father," "I'm a son," "I'm a Jew," "I'm a husband," etc?
I bet your father thinks his greatest achievements are not his history of working despite his disability, but rather the relationships he has formed with you and with your mom. Aren't those still there? Is he not persevering in this, which is truly important?
If he had stopped working at the age of seventy, would you have lost respect for him? I think the lesson here is to figure out what's actually important.
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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posted
Please don't feel bad... And don't let your inspiration fade... You just got to find the strength within to get through this and through anything else that comes up... Don't worry...
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
Son of Shvester.. You're young. You have many many many opportunties for Joy ahead of you. You need to grab for them, not worry about things that can't be helped.
If you dwell on death or the fact we all get old you will miss out on all the happiness you can have before that happens.
Think about Ice Cream, or a pretty girl, or the fact no matter how bad things get, you're not KoM. Life is what you make it. And right now you're making it Hell. Count your blessings. Hug the people who love you. And focus on your Joy.
posted
I've found that relying on anyone else completely for inspiration or happiness or pleasure is setting yourself up for failure and pain. That goes for family, friends, icons, whoever. In my personal experience, I've turned to God. That's a personal decision, but it's worked for me. The other option is to not ever rely on anyone. But that's just my two cents.
Posts: 2827 | Registered: Jul 2005
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I gave practical, sound advice. You gave wishy-washy sympathy, which is worth exactly its weight in gold.
Posts: 10645 | Registered: Jul 2004
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I gave practical, sound advice. You gave wishy-washy sympathy, which is worth exactly its weight in gold.
Maybe you should avoid giving advice to people going through emotional turmoil. You've proven yourself incapable of doing so. By the way, have you ever read Dickens' "Hard Times?" You probably should.
Posts: 3003 | Registered: Oct 2004
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posted
You gave unsolicited advice--unsolicited because it did not address the problem for which advice was requested. Further, I don't believe that the advice you gave was motivated by a desire to help, but rather by a need to assert your superiority over a hurting teenager.
If sympathy and personal advice are not your strong suits, you can always stay out of the thread, you know.
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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posted
KoM, Shvester doesn't want someone to solve his problems for him and he certainly doesn't want your advice. Find another thread to piss on.
Posts: 2064 | Registered: Dec 2003
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posted
Also, SoS, I would suggest that being "strong" in this sense is an admirable trait, as is being courageous, being diligent, being understanding, being open-minded, and so forth, and one worth cultivating, but not the meaning of life in and of itself. (As a possible alternative, I would submit loving and being loved as higher goals, though I'm sure there are other good answers.) My point, though, is that discovering that you are not as strong as you wish you were, or that you can "fall," is not any reason to not go on. Who said life was about never falling?
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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I'm sure your dad would want you to keep getting up. It's how we grow.
As much as it might hurt, I'd consider really thinking things over, and getting a bead on the situation.
Posts: 1236 | Registered: Mar 2002
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posted
Part of growing up is seeing how things affect other people, not just how they affect you. I'm sure this wasn't an easy decision for your parents to make, and it's probably particularly difficult for your dad. Try not to look at this as a failure on your father's part. Like Icarus has said, his job is not the most important thing about him. Change is a part of life. If it is no longer practical for him to hold down a job, then he, and you, need to accept that change. If I were you, I would try to take this opportunity to become closer to your father. Try to get to know him as a person, instead of just as a parent. You will never regret taking the time to do so.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
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You don't need to look far for inspiration or hope. There can be nothing more inspiring than the story of your people. The history of the Jewish people is full of "fall", but now you are a magnificent and strong nation. Who could have guessed from your past?
In truth, nobody except the big G is invincible. Strength does not lie in somehow managing to avoid a "fall". It is reflected in rising up despite hard knocks. (sorry about the cliche, but it is true )
The story of the "fall" and rise of your people inspires many even today. God willing, your father will inspire you even more with how he handles this new adversity.
KoM:
Nobody laments in grammatical sentences. I certainly hope I don't..
Ironically, you too made a spelling error in your post. Please be more forgiving and understanding of others, and their grief.
Posts: 107 | Registered: Dec 2005
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posted
KoM, that was pretty classless, in addition to being wrong. To those who responded to KoM in kind, don't encourage him.
One of the (many, many) wonderful things about Hatrack is that it's a place where one can vent about such things and feel relatively safe about it (please don't anyone go off on definitions of safe and how one isn't unsafe anyway because this is the internet because it ain't what I mean and you know it). Responses like KoM's in this case to a degree remove that safety, which is in part why it's detrimental to the community here (I believe there are other negatives, but they're a separate issue).
posted
I'm sorry, I can see where KoM is coming from. On some other forums I've been on, posts like what this one resembles are highly highly common. They are called attention whoring or sympathy whoring. Please forgive me this SoS, but if you clean it up its a) easier to understand and b) easier to know what advice and sympathy to give. It also looks much less like attention whoring and is less likely to draw reactions like KoM's. Just for future reference.
That aside, ((((((SoS)))))). Just hang in there. There are far more sources of strength than your father and there is certainly plenty to live for. To repeat the words of most everyone who's posted so far, when you fall, just get right back up again. You don't have to look to anyone else for a source of strength, you can look right to yourself. Know you are a good strong person, know that when you fall you'll get back up and keep trudging on, know that no matter how things seem now, they'll get better in the future just as long as you never give up.
Most importantly: never give up, never surrender!! Posts: 3295 | Registered: Jun 2004
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posted
People who live good lives don't lose their strength. They choose to pass it onto others and put it into their works, so that they will be strong. This is how the cycle continues.
Your father has passed some of his strength onto you, and you will honor that by passing your strength onto others.
Posts: 3826 | Registered: May 2005
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posted
First of all, thank you to all the 'rackers who have shown support for my wonderful (albeit grammatically impaired) son.
You know how when you were a little kid, you thought your father was Superman. And then something happened to make you realize that he was not all-knowing, all-powerful and invincible. Well, my husband is such a remarkable man that this realization never occurred to our son. He is a man of uncommon wisdom and tremendous inner strength, who has never met an obstacle (and there have been major ones all through his life) that he hasn't overcome.
This is another obstacle in his life, one that both he and I are certain that he will overcome. But it is a blow to the son, who, in addition to this family stuff, is going through a rough time at school and is feeling very vulnerable.
Son and I are dealing with this together. Your online help to him is a terrific support and is appreciated by both of us.
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
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quote:Originally posted by King of Men: Certainly. For a start I shall help you with your post. Paragraphs are good. Punctuation is also good. Nobody wants to read someone else's stram of consciousness.
That'd be "stream", O Obnoxious one.
Posts: 12266 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
Watch Batman Begins. I can't remember the exact quote from in there, but it goes something like:
"Why do we fall? So we can learn how to get back up"
or something like that. I know it doesn't apply perfectly to your situation, but it's just saying that falling is natural, as is getting back up. It happens. You have two choices: Deal with it, or don't.
Posts: 2827 | Registered: Jul 2005
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Blayne Bradley
unregistered
posted
"All is One and One is All"
The All is the World and the One is You, we all make up the world, entropy is inevitable but we should not be sad but rejoice for we all contribute to the world. I wish you and your family all the best luck and wishes I caa muster.
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quote:now after witnissing my dad's fall i realize that no matter how hard i try i too shall fall. now all my insperation is gone and i find myself asking how i can go on with life and why i should even bother trying if i too shall fall.
It doesn't matter if you fall - everybody falls. What matters is that you get back up. In fact, all that really matters is that you try to get back up. That, by itself, is enough to make things worthwhile, and that's what perserverence really is. Perserverence is not succeeding against all odds, but rather continuing to try even when you fail.
If you need inspiration, look at this in a more complete way... After all, is your father now a failure because he "fell"? I bet not. I bet he is as good of a person as he ever was. So, the lesson is this: Failing doesn't make you a failure as a person. Even great people fall - and even afterwards, they remain great, because greatness is a character trait rather than a measure of your successes. I think that if you come to understand this then you will truly be invincible, because you will realize that no matter how much you fail you can still be a great person, and live a meaningful life.
Posts: 8120 | Registered: Jul 2000
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posted
It is inevitable in all our lives that eventually our parents become weaker, and our viewpoints of them as our "strong leader" has to morph into the one where we are the strong one, giving care and encouragement, realizing they have done their years of caring and giving and sacrificing, and now it is time to turn the tide.
For SoS, this just happened sooner than it does in some other families.
But it is important for you to realize, Son, that right now your dad needs you. And he needs you to see him as a whole man, a worthy man, not a "fallen" simply because he doesn't match your ideal of what he should be. It is now time for you to show your manhood and give him encouragement and love for who he is, and what he has done for you before.
posted
SoS, I think you have a wonderful opportunity to see great things in your Dad besides his "Supermanness" (that is too a word) that will help you see that he can still be your hero!
quote:Originally posted by Son of Shvester: mom i like what you said thanks
Aw, shucks, Fry. You are going to be OK. And I'm glad that you have a nice safe place on Hatrack to vent your feelings. And, between you and me and the rest of the forum, everyone likes getting ticked off at King of Men sometimes. It feels good. That's why he's around -- so we can all feel just a leetle bit superior.
Later on, we'll share a popsicle and a hug. Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
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I wasn't sure if this is similar, but I totally identify with the Superman thing. When my dad left I was suddenly enlightened to all the issues and baggage he had. He looked pretty "fallen" then as well.
Good luck man.
*can I have a popsicle too? maybe one for everbody here?*
Posts: 1236 | Registered: Mar 2002
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posted
SoS you still have your hero. He is just being heroic in another way. Find it and he will be your hero all over again. Leaving work for a disability doesn't make him less of a man, or a father or a hero. Be strong.
Is anyone else wishing that Tante was your mom too or is it just me?
Whereas KoM is that one relative that has to come to all the family gatherings even though no one likes him much. (I am aware that this is not a complete sentence)
Posts: 1319 | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:But it is important for you to realize, Son, that right now your dad needs you. And he needs you to see him as a whole man, a worthy man, not a "fallen" simply because he doesn't match your ideal of what he should be. It is now time for you to show your manhood and give him encouragement and love for who he is, and what he has done for you before.
The source of the hope you seek is the same source you've had all along. And no matter what happens to the people who helped instill that hope in you, the hope itself need not decline or end.
You take their lessons with you, and you build on them. Ultimately, you become the source of that hope for others.
quote:Originally posted by MandyM: Whereas KoM is that one relative that has to come to all the family gatherings even though no one likes him much. (I am aware that this is not a complete sentence)
But at leash, at leash, at least I don't dret gunk in public!
Posts: 10645 | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
I don't know much about your specific situation, Shvester, but my father was forced into retirement by a disease that first claimed his body, then his mind, and ultimately his life in a slow, inevitable spiral into what most people would describe as ruin. And you know what? Most people are idiots.
You have to remember that the condition of your body isn't what makes you strong or invincible, it's the strength of your relationships with the people around you. You already know that. When times are hard, it isn't that you can jog around the block that ultimately brings you out of it; it's the love and support of the people around you. Don't demean yourself by thinking he's somehow lost the ability to inspire, to lead by example, and support you in good times and in bad simply because he can't work any more.
What you're realizing here, I think, isn't that your father has fallen, it's that your previous measures of strength and greatness were ultimately meaningless. We're defined, if anything, by how we handle challenges. How you, your father, and your family go through this will speak volumes more than any position he held a week ago.
You say he always perseveres, and yet here he is facing what may be the biggest challenge of his life and you're talking like you're abandoning him before he even has a chance to succeed.
I know it's hard. But then, that's the only time you really can be strong, isn't it?
Posts: 3243 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
Son of Shvester, reading what you wrote made me think of something that happened “to me” a few years ago. It’s not the same, it’s completely on another level (the situation I mean), but still related.
All my life I considered my mom to be STRONG. Both physically and psychologically. Meaning that she could solve any problem, nothing was too difficult for her (or at least she didn’t let it show). My confidence in her strength was one absolute truth in my life. Yet, after living for several years away from the family, that something happened. I was back for a few days and I saw my mom, while stepping down a staircase, taking a wrong step, losing equilibrium, and ALMOST fall (literally). She didn’t. It was only a moment, a very awkward moment, she never said anything and I never said anything. But at that moment I was profoundly shocked. I felt as if something very bad had just happened to me. As if she had done something to me. At the moment I felt like a victim(!) and I hated it. I even hated my mom for a second. Why? She didn’t have the RIGHT to be otherwise but strong. Seeing her physically weak after so long, even though she didn’t fall at all, hurt me. A lot. [Of course it was an over-reaction on my part, but I know that now, I didn’t know it then…]
We always see what we want to see. While young, we see our parents strong.(And when we grow up and have our own children, we see our children weak.) But when I realised that my mom is “only” human, it almost break my confidence (here is the parallel with your story).
I wrote this to show you that you are not alone “in your suffering”, this happens quite a lot, but it’s not easy to let the others know. I mean, back then, I didn’t have access to a community (such as Hatrack) to turn to, for comfort, I had to “go through it alone” (for obvious reasons I couldn’t turn to my mom for comfort then…)
You see, luck is the only thing that we are unable to appreciate WHILE we have it. We only see it when it’s gone…
Now I regret not having done something back then. Saying something simple like “Mom, are you OK?” would have helped a lot. But I admit to my own weakness and hope to be there when others - especially my parents - would need me in the future. It’s my turn to be strong.
Be strong!
A.
PS: I think true love binds only humans (not super-humans) Posts: 1154 | Registered: Oct 2005
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posted
Yeah, I think most parents try to be strong for their kids, and to hide from them any weaknesses. We think it will make our kids feel more safe and secure if they feel that their parents are the one invulnerable thing that they can count on. Heaven knows that I try to be strong for my kid. I suspect that he knows, though, that I'm not perfect. In fact, I'm annoying as all get out, as he will readily attest. Annoying, but, I hope, strong enough to be counted on when the counting counts.
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
SoS, I've been out of town and didn't see your post till now. I don't have anything profound to add, the others have said it already, but just wanted to chime in and say "hang in there" as your family proceeds into this new phase of your lives. I'm guessing that getting to see more of YOU will be one of the upsides of this transition for your Dad. And for you. From all I've seen of your Mom on this forum, she's a wonderful woman, and your Dad sounds like a stellar man. You are lucky to have them.
Posts: 3149 | Registered: Jul 2005
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I know what it's like to be depressed. You need to be strong though. Your dad must be having a very difficult time with this as well and he needs your support. I know how difficult it is to see your parent go through this type of thing. My mother hasn't worked for over a year now due to a medical problem.![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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