quote:Originally posted by mimsies: I'm still trying to figure out how *I* ended up being the petitioner and doing the filing when HE was the one who wanted the divorce...
Yeah, I'm also the one who filed even though he was the one who wanted out... though in our case it was because I used a lawyer and he didn't. We kept things reasonably amicable and didn't squabble and it was cheaper that way, in the long run.
(((mimsies))) I know it's rough, I went through this myself just a few months ago. I hope Hatrack has been able to offer you some comfort through all this.
Posts: 957 | Registered: Aug 2002
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I met my husband a week before his divorce was final. I remember the day they went before the judge; he was a wreck. She was was the one who wanted out and she made him write the decree (they didn't use lawyers because it was cheaper). It was a very difficult day for him and I'm sorry to say I didn't know what to say to him then, and I don't know what could be said to you now. It's hard no matter what part you played in the divorce...
quote:All in all, I DO NOT EVER want to do that again.
That's exactly how I felt about my divorce. Exactly.
Sorry you're going through this. The weird thing I had was, though it was an amicable split, I still played the 'coulda, woulda, shoulda' game in my head for a long time after. Then one day I realized I hadn't played in a while. It was sort of a weird realization because I don't think I'd been all that aware of how much I'd been replaying the last years of our marriage in my head until I stopped doing it.
Will your ex still be involved in your son's life?
Posts: 5948 | Registered: Jun 2001
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mimsies, when my Mom called my stepfather to tell him she was leaving, I was right there with her. Despite the fact that he had essentially run her into bankruptcy, despite the fact that he had a prescription drug dependency problem, despite the fact that he was prone to fits of rage and violence (which is why this was done over the phone where she was safely out of his reach) despite the fact that she had stayed with him 10 years longer than she wanted to because she truly believed in making the marriage work no matter what and had tried everything humanly possible to get him to seek help for his problems - despite all that she still wept for a half hour after it was over and said it was one of the worst moments of her life.
No one could say she hadn't done what she could and that leaving him was perfectly justified yet it was still an enormously traumatic thing for her to go through.
What you've done is traumatic, you need to heal from it and it's not going to be easy. Sounds like you have wonderful family support and I'm glad of that for you. I would recommend therapy if it's an option for you, I know sometimes right after a divorce you may not have a ton of extra money to pay for private counseling, but I do believe it can be helpful.
My thoughts are with you, sweetheart. Take care of yourself and your son. (((mimsies)))
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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