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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » The Funniest Cult Website EVER!

   
Author Topic: The Funniest Cult Website EVER!
Gecko
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This cult is too hilarious. If this isn't a joke, these people are too crazy for words.


http://cosmicfighting.atspace.com/

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TrapperKeeper
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kinda reminds me of http://www.realultimatepower.net Which (as far as I know) IS a joke, but still pretty good.
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Kristen
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quote:
or those who dismiss me right away without even witnessing Grand Celestial Do for yourself, then so be it. You will be missing out on something life changing. The proof will come on exactly May 12, 4025 A.D. at the beginning of the Turbulent Solstice, when the Visitors will make themselves known.
Wow! Looks like I found about the Grand Celestial Do JUST IN TIME.
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Xavier
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I was sure it would be a link to this page:

http://www.universe-people.com/english/default_srdce_e.htm

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Noemon
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quote:
Originally posted by Kristen:
Wow! Looks like I found about the Grand Celestial Do JUST IN TIME.

[ROFL]
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Jeni
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Me too, Xav. [Smile]
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Lisa
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I kinda like Landover Baptist Church.
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Juxtapose
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quote:
The energy can also increase their hormonal output and speed their bodies' healing mechanisms. The end result is UNIMAGINABLE HUMAN STRENGTH.
They should have made the part in caps a bigger font. It didn't slap me in the face enough.
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Gecko
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This site delivers!!!

quote:
The Vistors don't use speech when they communicate, but they use telepathy. Though humans are not evolved enough to naturally do this, they can speed up evolution, so to speak, and learn how. In contrast to popular belief, the ability to read someone's mind is not done with the brain. In fact, when communicating telepathically, we direct the neurological impulses away from the brain. Telepathic communication is done through the belly button. We are not aware of this, but when we were in our mother's womb our mother was subconsciously communicating with us telepathically through the umbilical cord. Our mother was subconsciously asking us if we need more nourishment or if we feel too hot or cold. If our response is that we need more nourishment, our mother's body automatically increases the nutrients fed to us through the umbilical cord. If we respond that we are too cold, our mother's body around the womb warms up to protect us. After we are born and the umbilical cord is cut, the telepathic neurons are still in our belly buttons. Grand Celestial Do teaches us to direct the energy to reactivate those neurons. Beginning telepathy students would touch each other belly to belly aligning their belly buttons together. They imagine Photonic Energy shooting out of their belly buttons into the other's belly button. Once they have a connection and can read each other's feelings, they begin to move further away from one another while maintaining the telepathic connection until they become adept in reading each other's thought at long distances.

When confronted by an attacker, Grand Celestial Do students would shoot their Photonic Energy from their belly buttons and into their attacker's belly button, connecting telepathically with them. Now they will know the attacker's every move before he even does it.



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ricree101
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So let me see...

Aliens study humanity carefully for a couple decades, and finally decide that the most usefull thing they can teach us is how to fight better?

Thanks a lot, alien jerks.

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MidnightBlue
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quote:
Originally posted by Xavier:
I was sure it would be a link to this page:

http://www.universe-people.com/english/default_srdce_e.htm

That music hurt my brain.
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Baron Samedi
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I love the fact that one of the only places you can go to learn Grand Celestial Do is in Romulus, Michigan. It kind of reminds me of the scene in Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey where Bill covers up for a slip of the tongue by explaining that his girlfriends are from Medieval England, Iowa.
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kwsni
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::is happy someone posted the Universe People link::

Ni!

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FlyingCow
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It really sounds like someone watched Dark City a few too many times.
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Earendil18
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Ohh...meyyyy...GAWD.

[ROFL] [ROFL]

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MyrddinFyre
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Woah.
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