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Author Topic: You know me. And I had an abortion.
AltName
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I’m not new to Hatrack, but since I don’t want to be stigmatized here and I am not interested in being attacked, I am posting this under an alternative screen name. Abortion is a very contentious topic here, and there have been some very hot headed words thrown around. Perhaps the people doing the throwing do not realize that they are hurting some people that they may have considered to be friends. I know that I am hurt, and that my feelings of friendship towards some of you has been diminished by harsh attacks.

I had an abortion when I was 18. I was a freshman in college, and I believe it was the right choice for me then, and that faced with the same circumstances, I would do it again. There. I said it. Listen to my side of it before you begin posting your denouncements of me, though.

All through school, I was unpopular, a nerd, and a misfit. Going away to college was my first chance to be on my own, to reinvent myself and to start over. I hadn’t dated in high school, and I knew that one thing that I would need to boost my self-esteem (and the esteem of others) was a real boyfriend. OK. I was naïve. But I really thought that if I had a boyfriend, it would prove me to be desirable and worthy of popularity. I had low self-esteem, and I really believed that my worth was proven by what others thought of me, not by what was innate. I met a guy just a couple of weeks into school. He was older (a graduate student) and that made him seem more sophisticated and mature. Looking back, though, I see that he really wasn’t. In fact, he was a bit of a creep. But he won me over with cheap flattery. If you have never known the depression that accompanies the feeling that you are worthless, you can not understand the power that flattery can have. This guy, his pet name for me was “Beautiful”. Me! I never considered myself pretty, I had a long litany of obvious (to me, anyway) defects, and this guy thought I was beautiful! I was charmed. I wanted to show him off to everybody, tell everyone about my older, sophisticated, doting boyfriend. It seemed, though, that he was a bit embarrassed to be hanging out with all the freshmen, and when I met his graduate student friends, he was reluctant to tell them that I was his girlfriend. “What we have is so beautiful, Beautiful, why do we have to care about what other people think? Forget about them, we have us.” I was hungry for romance, and he was quick to feed that hunger. We were always going off, just the two of us, walking, hiking, talking, and kissing. I was inexperienced in kissing, but I liked the closeness of it, the snuggling and hugging. But, according to the guy, this made me one of the worst things a girl could be – a “cock tease”. He chided me for this more than once for refusing to have sex after I got him all heated up with kissing and hugging. He put my hand on his erection as an accusation. “Can’t we just stop and let it go down?” I’d ask. But he explained that I didn’t understand men, and the way things worked. Apparently, he could come to physical detriment from my teasing. It was a couple of months into our relationship, and he was saying that it was a mistake to get involved with me, I was too immature, I was too young, I was a tease.

You can see that he was a creep. Looking back, it is clear to me, too. But back then, I was terrified. I needed to have a boyfriend! It proved my worth! Having a boyfriend was very important. He supplied the condoms, and took the lead. I just lay back and waited for it to be over. I can’t say I ever enjoyed sex with him. But I figured that this is what it would take for me to be a worthwhile person, and not that horrible creature, the tease.

Accidents happen. A condom broke. My period was late. And the guy was angry with me trying to trap him. I was in my first semester of college when I woke up and knew for a certainty that I did NOT want to marry this guy. I saw that he was selfish and manipulative and not at all good for me. I knew that I had made an awful mistake. I knew that I did not want to have sex with him again, and that I didn’t want to have sex with anyone again until after I was married. I knew that I made a bad start of my “new start”, and I just wanted to turn back time and have a chance to do it all again. But I couldn’t. I was pregnant.

I was not raised in a religious home, but I was becoming more and more involved in the religious groups on campus. I had religious friends and role models and I became more closely allied with them as I began to turn from the guy. I read and researched and asked questions about what my religion taught about the beginning of life and of abortion. The answers were not clear cut, but it was evident to me that, in the teaching of my faith, that it was not a grievous sin to have an abortion in my circumstances. I did.

I started over, this time a little wiser, more cautious, but also more sure of myself. Would I have loved to have been one of the “cool ones”, one of the popular sorority girls? Not anymore. Now I was content to be myself, and to do what I wanted and not what someone else said I should want. I found my niche and my own group of friends in the religious groups, the science fiction club, the Dungeons and Dragons crowd, the poets and writers, the volunteers. I had been isolated from most of these groups because I had been so singularly involved with the guy, and the guy didn’t want to hang out with anyone but me.

Now I believe that abortion is not a good thing. I also believe that if I had had a baby when I was 19 and had landed up bound to the guy for the long term, that would have been a worse thing.

If you believe that human life, the existence of a soul, begins at the moment that sperm joins egg, then abortion is indeed murder. But I am a religious woman, and my religion does not teach that this is when life begins. My faith teaches that life begins with the quickening, the point when the baby can be felt moving inside the mother. Until then, it is only potential life. A wonderful potential. One that should not be wasted. But there are circumstances that allow it.

I was not impregnated by rape. I was not impregnated by incest. My life was not in grave danger. But a baby at that time would have been wrong for me, and I chose not to have one. I was foolish and made stupid mistakes. You don’t have to tell me that. But, if I were to advise a girl in the same circumstance that I was in at that time, I would tell her to consider abortion as one of her options.

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ElJay
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Thank you for sharing your story.
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Synesthesia
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You did what was best for you at the time... People's circumstances can be so frustrating and difficult...
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Bob_Scopatz
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For what it's worth, you saying that it was the right choice for you at the time is enough for me. If you say it was, then it was.

Thanks for the post.

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pH
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I completely understand what you mean, and I know how it feels to have men treat you that way. [Frown] It's a horrible feeling to have someone you care about say those kinds of things about you. Being coerced into doing things is so painful. I hope your experiences since have been much, much better.

Thanks for this post.

-pH

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TomDavidson
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I know this isn't what you intended by posting, but I couldn't help wondering how we'd've reacted if the person posting that story had, instead of being you, been the creep.
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erosomniac
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On behalf of men everywhere, I'm sorry.

As a guy who could have very easily turned into the guy in your story, I'm sorrier.

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Irami Osei-Frimpong
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What Bob said.
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Orincoro
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You are living proof that life is not defined by statistics. Everybody has a reason, and they is an important part of your motivations in life; I wish more people could see things that way. Nice post.
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suminonA
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I admire you for sharing your story. [Smile]

A.

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Squish
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AltName: I'm sorry you had to go through that situation. I think it takes a lot to be able to come out and share your story with everyone.

quote:
Originally posted by Orincoro:
You are living proof that life is not defined by statistics. Everybody has a reason, and they is an important part of your motivations in life; I wish more people could see things that way. Nice post.

I definately agree with Orincoro

I spend more of my time reading threads rather than posting when I come here, so I haven't made a whole lot of friends but even I still feel hurt/attacked/judged by what people have posted on all of the abortion threads. I don't think abortion is the right when people (who think getting pregnant is a game) abuse it. But if someone has gone through an abortion and chose to do so for what they think are the right reasons, having people judge them based on a singular action without knowing the reason behind it... to me, that's the last thing they'd want to deal with. I don't know about everyone else, but going through the experience and the inner turmoil is enough.

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Rakeesh
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I don't know what else to say to this thread and its story other than that I am sorry for your experience, and that the first guy who showed an interest in you was a predatory schmuck. It was very unfortunate that the first guy was not something better, but I suppose that's life. However this thread does not appear to be, in spite of its title, a discussion concerning abortion beyond the confines of the story itself, so I will not discuss it.

I am happy for you, though, that you have learned from this experience, and turned something pretty crappy into something you can, at least by negative example, benefit from.

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MissAmandaJones
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AltName,
I understand how you feel. I too have have an abortion. I post here under another name and have often wanted to jump up and scream on those threads that you can't make sweeping statements because every case is different. I am having to go back and re-type this every few lines because my hands are shaking. I was an idiot, I believed an older man when he said he loved me. He made me feel like we'd be together forever and always until I got pregnant. Then he did not want a baby. My family wanted me to have an abortion, he wanted me to have an abortion. I wanted my baby. I wish I had been a strong enough person to stand up for myself and try to get some help but I was not. I also know that I have had a "better" life because I have no ties to this man and did not have a child at such a young age and the guilt of that realization eats me alive. I am Pro-Choice, no one should be able to tell someone what they can do with their body but I know that for me, I could never do that again. I am now married to a good man and we have a child. I have a good life, but I often find myself looking at my child and wondering how it would be to have a 12 year old right now and what I let go. Every statistic is a story and do not think any one does this on a whim. We're people with hearts and I think a lot of them got broken.

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Bob_Scopatz
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MissAJ:

Another good post.

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Kwea
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Thank you for sharing these stories. My heart goes out to you both.

For those of us reading thses, than you for not turing this into another debate. I will avoid doing that as well. [Big Grin]

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Rakeesh
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Yes, well this thread is rather obviously an argument-or at least a position-in favor of a pro-choice belief. But only so long as it remains focused on the story being told, and does not branch out.

That is already starting to happen, though.

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enochville
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I thank the two of you for sharing your stories.
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TomDavidson
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quote:
Thank you for sharing these stories.
I have to admit that I don't consider it "sharing" when it's anonymous, especially over the Internet.
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Dante
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I agree with Tom.
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Swampjedi
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quote:

Now I believe that abortion is not a good thing. I also believe that if I had had a baby when I was 19 and had landed up bound to the guy for the long term, that would have been a worse thing.

I read this as a false dilemma. There were other options.

In my book, making moral choices isn't about what's best for me. It's about what's best, period.

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Rakeesh
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This does not seem to be a thread for debate on the benefits and drawbacks of abortion, Swampjedi. Yet. It is drifting in that direction and although obviously I cannot decide for you, I think it would be better not to overtly nudge it in that direction.

On an unrelated issue, I agree with Tom and Dante. In telling a story anonymously and on the Internet no less, the teller has not really shared a piece of themselves, because no one knows whose story it is. Sharing is both a dilution and a growing. It is not truly sharing unless something is lost or diluted in some way, regardless of whether or not the benefits (friendship, personal growth, greater opportunities later, whatever) outweigh the loss.

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AltNameToo
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I am using a false name so that I too can participate in this contentious debate without dealing with repercussions.

quote:
But a baby at that time would have been wrong for me, and I chose not to have one.
This is disingenuous. Even granting that it was wrong for you to raise a child then, there are many ways to choose to not have a baby, and abortion was not the only one still open to you.

Most people choose to not have a child at that age.

You didn't merely choose to not have a child. You chose to abort the fetus you were pregnant with.

quote:
For what it's worth, you saying that it was the right choice for you at the time is enough for me. If you say it was, then it was.
If somebody says a choice was right for them, it was? Do I have that kind of cart blanch already, or do I have to get pregnant?

quote:
This does not seem to be a thread for debate on the benefits and drawbacks of abortion, Swampjedi.
Should this be a thread for one side of the issue to freely make statments about abortion while the other side must stay silent? If so, where's it's evil twin?
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Jim-Me
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In response to Tom's comment, there are some things that are very hard to talk about. I've discussed things under an alternate name before and I understand the need to do so. Although I never got any credit for "sharing" on those occasions, I think that was more an indication of a lack of empathy for what I was sharing rather than the fact I was sharing anonymously.

As for the first post, it's brought up a lot of feelings. Unfortunately many of them are not likely the ones the poster intended. So, I'm going to try to keep this as level and rhetoric-free as I can.

quote:
Yes, well this thread is rather obviously an argument-or at least a position-in favor of a pro-choice belief. But only so long as it remains focused on the story being told, and does not branch out.

That is already starting to happen, though.

As Rakeesh points out, this happened with the first post.

Both of your situations are emotional. Both of you admittedly made poor decisions. This isn't new or unsusual. People make poor choices. I've made many myself. As with Erosomniac, I could have been the guy in the first story, except that I was wheedling and emotionally manipulative rather than controlling and browbeating.

I don't lack sympathy or understanding of your situation, nor do I feel that you haven't paid a price for your actions. As has been repeatedly stated, having an abortion is no picnic.

But it's worth pointing out that Miss Amanda Jones, in particular, would not have been in her situation were abortion not legal. Does no one else find it shocking or problematic that a woman was pressed into an abortion against her will? and yet here she is, essentially stating that a law which would have prevented her boyfriend and parents from doing as they wanted to with her body is somehow bad because
quote:
I am Pro-Choice, no one should be able to tell someone what they can do with their body...
She appears to be saying that, because we find her situation a horrific abuse of her person, that we must be unsympathetic to her.

I think you both made the wrong decision. That doesn't mean I don't sympathize or understand. That doesn't mean I hate you or revile you. To be honest, I kind of resent the implications that it does.

But the facts of these matters are, two people who would otherwise have had a life do not and the reasons for this have everything to do with minimizing the difficulty of the lives they would impact. I will not be shamed into not saying so because it is somehow "mean." I would say so to the face of my best friend or my own children. I would expect them to say so to me, if the situations were reversed. There are plenty of things about which they have, and should have, criticized me. Taking these things as personal attacks is refusing to learn from your mistakes, which might be an even bigger tragedy yet.

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Bob_Scopatz
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quote:
If somebody says a choice was right for them, it was? Do I have that kind of carte blanch already, or do I have to get pregnant?
Of course you do. The very nature of being pro-choice is to allow people to make this decision. You decide for you and your fetus (should you happen to be carrying one).

I'm not sure what you are objecting to or questioning. Why would you think I wouldn't support your choice, whatever it is?

I support the following position with respect to abortion:
Every adult female in our society has the right and responsibility to choose what happens to their own body and any fetus that may be inside their body.

People who are of an age or mental capacity where parents or guardians make their legal decisions for them do not automatically have the same rights and responsibilities, but should be able to petition a court for emancipation if they want to make the decision for themselves.

You seem to be asking what about for other things, or issues not related to pregnancy...I think the same position can be generalized.

Do you have a specific situation in mind?

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suminonA
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quote:
Originally posted by TomDavidson:
quote:
Thank you for sharing these stories.
I have to admit that I don't consider it "sharing" when it's anonymous, especially over the Internet.
I think that’s the beauty of Internet. It gives people the impression that they can be 100% “anonymous”. And thus it makes it easier to share painful experiences. But much (yet not all) of the activity on the Internet can be traced. So anybody using it (the Internet) should assume a minimum of responsibility about what they say “anonymously”.

Now, TomDavidson, are you implying that it seems to you that the person starting this thread is dishonest? If the story is purely fiction, and has “an agenda” then I qualify it as utter dishonesty. Yet I prefer to believe that it is not the case, and that generally, people are “basically good” (rather than "basically evil"). Call me naïve if you want.

A.

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Dagonee
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quote:
Now, TomDavidson, are you implying that it seems to you that the person starting this thread is dishonest?
How on earth would what he said be implying that?
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Olivet
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I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm sorry if anything I said in the other thread has hurt you. This is a big part of why I am politically pro-choice: I believe the choice you made would not have been one that I could have lived with, BUT I could never quite muster the arrogance it would require to claim that I have the right to make those kinds of decisions for everyone. Obviously, I have enough trouble keeping myself in line with what I think is right for me. Also, what Bob said. *hug*
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Enigmatic
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I don't think the point of the original poster was to try to score points in the abortion debate without letting the other side say anything, which AltNameToo seems to be implying.

I think the original post was basically a request that people do not make broad insults aimed at people who have had abortions in the past, because there are members here who are part of that group, even if they don't like to tell everyone. In one of the other threads somebody said that anyone willing to have an abortion lacked all moral fiber or critical thinking skills and would be a terrible parent anyway. That's more than just a controversial debate, that's being insulting.

Not all of the pro-life people are insulting in presenting their side of the issue, of course. By no means would I want people to feel like they can't post any pro-life view. I just think this is a reminder that there are women on hatrack who have been through this.

--Enigmatic

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Dagonee
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quote:
Not all of the pro-life people are insulting in presenting their side of the issue, of course. By no means would I want people to feel like they can't post any pro-life view. I just think this is a reminder that there are women on hatrack who have been through this.
Enigmatic, there are almost certainly abortion survivors here - people whose mothers came very close to obtaining an abortion - as well. Perhaps posters ought to be conscious of what the choice they are talking about very nearly meant to those people, and how they feel when they are referred to as potentially life-ruining or as not quite as important as some other policy consideration.
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suminonA
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quote:
Originally posted by Dagonee:
quote:
Now, TomDavidson, are you implying that it seems to you that the person starting this thread is dishonest?
How on earth would what he said be implying that?
Let's just see what TomDavidson had in mind. This is the point of my question.

A.

(PS: I don't see WHY did he feel the need to make that comment in the first place)

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sarcasticmuppet
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Because it was true? Altname started it with the thread title, "You know me...". Well, I submit that I do *not* know her. She could be telling the truth, or she could be a troll.

I'm a little sad that Altname felt too ashamed or afraid to come out with this story under the name they are known by (if in fact they are a real person at Hatrack), as I've seen more often than not Hatrack being very accepting of members who would otherwise be judged and disgraced for choices they have made.

Note: I'm not saying Altname should 'come out' if she doesn't want to. She doesn't have anything to prove to me, and I don't much care to know who she is.

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suminonA
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sarcasticmuppet, what TomDavidson said was a personal consideration. It seems that you share it. I'm not arguing its truth value, but I'm wondering why it was needed to be said like that.

You know, the Earth is round anyway!

A.

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Enigmatic
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Dagonee, I agree that the "ruin my life" style language could possibly be hurtful for an abortion survivor. Not being one myself (um, as far as I know [Wink] ) I'm not sure if it really would be, but I can see the potential there.

There's two differences that I see though, and it could just be a matter of perception. One is between a woman saying that FOR HER a baby at that time would have been life-ruining, and someone saying that ALL women who have had abortions lack moral character and thinking skills.

The second difference is that AltName is not a hypothetical person who may possibly have their feelings hurt. She's a real person who did have her feelings hurt. If there's an "abortion survivor" here who has been genuinely offended by some of the pro-choicers comments, by all means they should speak up (anonymously if they choose) and let everyone know how that feels and why we should be more sensitive.

I agree with you that there should not be a double standard for two sides of the debate. I haven't seen you post anything I thought was insulting. But other people have. And no, I don't like it when pro-choicers call pro-lifers oppressive or domineering or other insults, either. I'm sorry I don't more frequently say something in those cases, especially because I have seen you and JimMe getting dogpiled at times.

--Enigmatic

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Jim-Me
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quote:
Originally posted by Enigmatic:
I have seen you and JimMe getting dogpiled at times.

In all fairness, I deserve it, sometimes.
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Swampjedi
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Jim-Me, I think you said what was on my mind very well.

I have the right to think a decision was wrong. That doesn't make me mean. That doesn't make me judgemental.

You made a hard decision, our anonymous poster. It evidently still weighs on you. You have my empathy, if that matters in the least.

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Swampjedi
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As for abortion survivors, my sister is one. She's adopted, and was found in a dumpster at just a few hours old. I have little doubt that if the birth mother could have afforded an abortion, my sister would not be with us. All of that joy and love wouldn't be around.
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AltName
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quote:
Originally posted by Enigmatic:
In one of the other threads somebody said that anyone willing to have an abortion lacked all moral fiber or critical thinking skills and would be a terrible parent anyway.

It was precisely this comment that motivated me to tell my story. I've grown up and changed since the time that I recounted in my first post. I've gained much better judgement, lots more maturity, have married a wonderful man (who knows about my past, and was willing to wait until after the wedding for consummation), and raised wonderful children. I don't think that I'm a terrible parent. I think I am a really terrific parent and I have terrific kids. I made mistakes in the past, and have learned from them. I don't think that it makes me an unfit mother.
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Sterling
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Alt, whoever you are, I think you're very brave.
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A Rat Named Dog
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I do have to say that I think it sucks when someone on my side in a debate says something rude or hurtful, because to the people it hurts, it feels as though the insult is coming from the entire pro-life side in the argument, when I work very hard not to say things like that. It's like the insulters are speaking for me, in the minds of many, and are saying things I would never say.

If such people, on BOTH sides (and they do exist on both sides), could learn to have some tact and control themselves, I think the rest of us could make some real progress here, without the debate degenerating into hurt feelings.

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Belle
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quote:
Does no one else find it shocking or problematic that a woman was pressed into an abortion against her will?
I don't find it shocking at all, because in my work with a pro-life ministry I've talked to many girls and women who felt they were forced.

One was forced by her boyfriend who threatened to harm her if she didn't go through with it. One was held down by four people while it was performed with her screaming at the top of her lungs to please not kill her baby. The abortion clinic went ahead with it because she was a minor and it was her father insisting on the abortion. One was told by her parents she would be disowned and thrown out of the house if she didn't have it. And the list goes on.

What's really sad is we could have helped those girls, especially the last one - our ministry specifically was set up to help unwed mothers financially, emotionally, whatever they needed. Unfortunately, the part of our ministry that was utilized the most was this one - post abortion counseling. I've heard hundreds of tragic stories of women heartbroken and in severe pain because of their abortions, and not all of them made the choice willingly. Almost everyone told me they were at the least encouragaed by boyfriends and/or family to have the procedure and many felt they were coerced.

I realize it's a skewed sample - a post-abortion trauma counseling session is not likely to attract someone who is perfectly happy with their decision, but the sheer numbers of women suffering emotionally was very, very telling and it really got to me. One of the reasons why I no longer volunteer there - I still support them financially, but I couldn't keep up, it was beginning to affect me in a detrimental way. I do honor the men and women who continue in that work, I really do.

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Tante Shvester
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Amen to that, rat. I can empathize with the poster, and would never presume to make that decision for anyone. My feelings on the issue and my religion are my own. I think that part of my pro-choice stance has to do with being a member of a minority religion. I understand very well that my religious beliefs and practices are not those of most people, and I would never think of imposing them on others. And I wish no interference from those of other religions concerning the practice of my own. Let each individual decide what is right and moral in this circumstance, and let us all realize that there is enough disagreement on the subject that the imposition of one group's beliefs on another is unwarranted. So while I might be opposed to abortion personally, I shy away from making that my political stance.

And not to knock or insult AltName, Sterling, but if she were truly brave, she wouldn't be hiding behind an alias. She may be many things, but posting under an alternative screen name is hardly a brave thing to do, no?

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Boothby171
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Tante,

There's brave, and then there's plain dumb. I'll assume that AltName is who she says she is--someone we all know and whom we've traded barbs with in the past. If she choses to reveal some very private information about herself in order to add to a discussion that always seems to have an active thread somewhere on Hatrack, then more power to her. And if she also choses to use a different pseudonym than the one she normally uses, I see that as a right to privacy.

Or are we now to equate the desire to maintain a right to privacy as akin to cowardice?

Sounds like something from the NSA, or from 1984:

PRIVACY = COWARDICE

IGNORANCE = STRENGTH

FREEDOM = SLAVERY

WAR = PEACE

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Tante Shvester
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I didn't say she was cowardly. I think she has good reasons for staying anonymous. But bravery isn't one of them.

Were I in her place, I'd likely use a pseudonym, too.

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MightyCow
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I support AltName's decision to stay anonymous. I once made a stupid joke on a message board, and a few people took it the wrong way. I apologized, but they hounded me in every thread I posted in after that.

Sometimes if you want to participate in a community, it's best to leave some things unsaid. At least, under your main identity.

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Swampjedi
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And yet, it makes things kinda one sided. She can discuss and comment without repercussions on her "main" identity - but anyone who disagrees (such as myself) isn't hiding. So I could make someone quite mad by my disagreement, and never know who.

That's not really making much sense, as I read it. I guess there's just a disconnect. Those of us posting on known screen names don't have the freedom from accountability that the anonymous posters do.

I want the rules of engagement to be equal on all sides.

Plus, honestly, I think that anyone who won't have anything to do with you because you had an abortion doesn't really belong here anyways. Those people just aren't worth your time.

I guess the anonymity is like the abortion in that I can understand where you're coming from, but I think the end result wasn't optimal.

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Kristen
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AltName: I realize you wanted to share your story and put a 'face' on abotion as a means of grounding the debate in reality, and I think that's admirable. It's so easy to discuss ideas without realizing that there are people to whom they directly apply. I really respect that, and you are brave for sharing your story. I can't imagine relieving a time that painful. I'm sorry you got involved with such a rotten person, but I'm happy that you are content with your life as it is now--that's inspirational.

However, I am ardently pro-life and obviously disagree with your choice. That being said, I don't think you are a bad person and for people to frame you solely in terms of your abortion is absolutely wrong. I think we pro-lifers SHOULD read stories like yours to remember that we are talking about real people with real experiences, often traumatic, and that the decision to have an abortion is rarely uncomplicated.

I wish that our society didn't stigmatize youthful pregnancy so much--I know people who probably wouldn't have had abortions if they were in a supportive enviromment (my high school, for example would expel you for being pregnant). But that's a whole other topic.

Anyway, I really hope this was helpful for everybody who read it. It didn't change my beliefs, but I will keep your perspective in mind the next time I discuss them.

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Swampjedi
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Well said, Kristen. Another excellent statement of my position. [Smile]
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Dagonee
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quote:
Dagonee, I agree that the "ruin my life" style language could possibly be hurtful for an abortion survivor. Not being one myself (um, as far as I know [Wink] ) I'm not sure if it really would be, but I can see the potential there.
It really, really would be. Obviously not all, but all the ones I know (a non-representative yet sizable sample). I have personal knowledge of this.

The only "possible" remaining is whether there is such a person here at Hatrack. Most people with that history don't know about it - which is probably a good thing.

quote:
One is between a woman saying that FOR HER a baby at that time would have been life-ruining, and someone saying that ALL women who have had abortions lack moral character and thinking skills.
Let's break it down for a minute. First, with regards to the (much, much rarer) actual abortion survivor - the person born after a botched abortion - then the "the mother made the right decision" always rhetoric will be hurtful, because it will be saying that it was the right decision, thwarted by incompetent doctors, for this person's mother to attempt to have her terminated.

Second, something that hasn't come up this time but has come up before, is the aborting of "defective" children. Broad statements about how it's better, not just for the parents, but for the children if the pregnancy is terminated, coupled with statements about the very idea of wrongful life suits make at least as personal a statement.

Several of the abortion survivors I know are Down's children whose mother walked out at the last minute. None of these people know about the survivorship, but statements such as those are hurtful even to those who didn't have near misses.

Third are the more general near misses. The statements that it would have been OK for the mother to go through with the abortion have just as personal an impact in my experience.

Maybe we don't have any such person at Hatrack or, more likely, they don't know about the near miss. That doesn't change the standard that should be used in judging hurtfulness.

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vwiggin
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quote:
But, if I were to advise a girl in the same circumstance that I was in at that time, I would tell her to consider abortion as one of her options.
Just out of curiosity, how did you feel about your other options at the time? (e.g. adoption, having the baby and dropping out of school, having the baby and staying in school, getting help from parents, etc.)
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Jim-Me
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quote:
Originally posted by Kristen:
I wish that our society didn't stigmatize youthful pregnancy so much--I know people who probably wouldn't have had abortions if they were in a supportive enviromment (my high school, for example would expel you for being pregnant).

Hear, hear. A lot of people want pro-lifers to somehow take more responsibility for the issue. I think the stigma placed on girls who became pregnant young (especially in contrast to the lack of stigma to the fathers... mostly there because it was easy to see who the mother was and relatively easy for the father to hide) is one place where social conservatives desperately need to step up and take credit for sowing the wind.
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