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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » Crossroads (A Landmark)

   
Author Topic: Crossroads (A Landmark)
BlackBlade
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Hey guys, is this thing on? *pat* *pat*

It's been while since I've posted anything personal here, but one of the best things about this place that drew me here was that we could share ourselves with each other. I'm past 14,000 posts and I think that warrants some sort of post in of itself, but recent events seal the deal so to speak.

I'm in China right now doing a finance internship and preparing to start my second year in the MBA program at the Thunderbird School of Global Management.

This is a bit of a track shift, and I only just found out today. My wife is divorcing me after eight years of marriage.

One of my proudest accomplishments was marriage for eight years. I loved telling people that number, as if we'd beaten the odds and great things were guaranteed in our future.

We're both going to have a go at keeping it as amicable as possible and remaining friends. We have a son who is four, and he is my most precious treasure. I'm not sure what this will do to him, or how to help him cope with it. I'm just learning how to do that myself today.

I'm going to speak with my boss and see if I could head back home to take care of these affairs. I hope they'll let me, but if they can't or my school balks at things, I might have no choice but to remain on my internship so that I don't lose the course credit, tuition, and the Global Citizen requirement. I'm asking to leave four weeks early, but I have already completed 9 weeks so hopefully that will be enough. My boss is a good man.

You guys have been a rich part of my life, and I hope you will all continue to be many years into our futures. I'm having a hard time with this, but I am also sober in my understanding that I am at a crucial stage in my life. How I conduct my schooling over the next two trimester will determine where I work, and ultimately where custody arrangement will have to be made with my ex-wife.

I'm scared, hopeful, worried, tired, alive, and I have every intention of getting through this with minimal damage. I don't think I'll ever stop loving my ex-wife. I can't forget all the wonderful things we had together. It will be hard but I want to setup a life where we are both involved in his life. I hope when he cries for his mother, I hope I know what to say when she can't just come into the room to be there. I hope she can do the same for him when I'm not there. I hope he can forgive us for not being able to make it work between us.

But mostly, I hope all three of us find peace.

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Dogbreath
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BlackBlade, I'm so sorry this is happening. I know what it's like to have your marriage be the most important thing in your life, your proudest achievement. I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. You seem to be handling it with far more grace, maturity, and serenity than I would've thought possible. I hope things work out for the best and you get through it a stronger and wiser man.

Best of luck, and my condolences.

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SenojRetep
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Saying "I'm sorry" doesn't seem like enough, but it's all the internet really allows. I hope your hopes are realized and everything works out amicably. Thanks for being a great, positive part of this community.
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CT
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You are such a good, strong, smart, kind man. I want wonderful things to happen for you. I wish there weren't hard times like this.

(((T)))

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advice for robots
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Crap, man. I'm sorry. I hope you're able to figure everything out.
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Mucus
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I think CT and SenojRetep said what I thinking, best of luck and I hope that it works out.
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Samprimary
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I think a little bit's broken with the universe that this or anything like this would happen to you, of all people. I hope it all turns out mostly alright, in the long run.
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Jake
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I said my piece over on sake, but I'll add another hug here. ((Taylor))
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DustinDopps
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My wife and I had a really, really rough patch last fall in our 16th year of marriage. I thought it was going to end and I felt like my soul was crushed.

I know how you feel. I'm sorry.

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theamazeeaz
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You get this dumped on you when you are in China? I'm not sure if before you go, immediately after you get back, waiting a week or while you are there is the worst, but that's pretty terrible.

Hopefully everything will work out.

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BlackBlade
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Thanks guys for all your kind thoughts. I'm back at work today so at least there's that return to normalcy.

Hoping my school gives me approval to head back home early.

*fingers crossed*

And of course I'll continue to post here, and defend tone policing, the rights of jerks to be jerks as long as they don't disparage somebody directly. Same old, same old.

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Wendybird
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Here’s another hug (((BB))) I’m really really sorry this is happening in your life and pray your school will be able to work with you.
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Rakeesh
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Ahh, geeze, that's awful man! I wish I had something more helpful to say than how badly I felt that you were going through that, BB.

I suppose it's a perverse injustice/justice that many of the qualities I have noticed about you make me think/hope/who knows that you will be able to weather this with dignity and decency for all parties, but those are also the same qualities that damnit freaking unfair world. Take care, man, as best you can.

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Unmaker
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Marriage is tough for all of us, man; I know you did everything you could to make it work, and I feel deeply for you. Keep your head high, be a strong father for your son, and you will get through.
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Kwea
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Hope it works out for the best....for you, for your wife, but most of all for your son. In my thoughts and prayers.
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Derrell
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What Kwea said.
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Bella Bee
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So sorry to hear this - I've never been married so I can't really imagine how tough this is. Especially when you're far away - distance is such a rotten thing sometimes.

Take very good care of yourself, stay hopeful for that future you're working towards and keep telling your son how much you love him.

I don't know your situation but from divorce in my family I do know that it's better to have two happy parents, whether together or apart, than to have parents who are miserable for whatever reason. It may be tough at first, but your son will see that one day. Sometimes, maybe the best thing you can do for him will be to find and share the good things in life, no matter how hard that is.

I'll be thinking happy thoughts for you.

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BlackBlade
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I wrote this as a sort of reflection on when I knew my marriage was over until the present day.

You do not love me? Words come inside,
Wanton, unwelcome, wishing won't hide.
My feelings held, and changed in a flash.
My thoughts boil over then turn to ash.
I try to speak without feeling or passion.
I try to speak with a careful fashion.
My heart, hurt, now reaches my brain.
Truth of my words lays bare and plain.
One may wake into love from a slumber,
But grief settled on me, a cold encumber,
And washed me sore with heaving cries,
And filled my soul with many whys.
Without, there was not hand to steady.
No voices about me at the ready.
Save yours, now tired of my weeping.
Longing only a return to sleeping.
I bid thee goodbye, and wrestled anew,
With fitful cries, not only a few.
Amidst the apex a sudden retreat,
Calm possessed me and left me replete.
A certainty filled my poisoned veins.
Fast removed my gossamer chains.
Now wholly revived, I settled on course.
Dead then alive, impelled by force.
A peaceful calm that has not left me,
Taking the place of what had bereft me.
Since that time, I've not shed a tear,
Where err' I go, I go without fear.
Praise be to God, what healed my wound,
What held my strings and gently tuned,
What sang a song that soothed my pain,
What made alive what I feared slain,
And gave me strength enough to stand,
And grace enough to reach the hand,
To see me through beyond the end.
To love enough to stay your friend.

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CT
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Oh, BB. Powerful.
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