posted
This is a super hero story im working on. I'm not too much farther then this, but it'l do. if you want to see the rest, just contact me via e-mail.
"So when did you first know you had this power?" this was the first interview I had agreed to cooperate with in years. "Well, I knew I had a gift as a child being able to see the unseen and such. But it never really grew until the day I started to believe that i was different from the others. It was really quite neat how my senses grew and eventually my strength." I replied to the reporter’s question. “How exactly were you 'different' from others as a child?" "Well not so much physically different, but mentally and socially. You see, as a kid, I knew I could empower my strengths by means of blood flow and aura enhancement along with the physical muscular strength. I wasn’t a fat kid but I also wasn’t in shape, and still am not. A power like mine you develop though many years of meditation and constant training." I was begging to regret my acceptance to this 'highly renowned' journalist. “This all explains how you are able to do your physical feats but how about your real super power? How about your ability to imagine things to be real?"
posted
The first question that comes to mind is the last sentence. Is the reporting implying that the prot. Imagining things? Or that the prot. is making the imaginary real?
Aside from that, superhero stories are always fun, but I'd be careful of making the superhero too super, if you get my drift. Also, the first sentence doesn't quite flow right. It's a run on thing, with the opening question jumping into the narrative without break. Sound fun though.
posted
"So when did you first know you had this power?" this was the first interview I had agreed to cooperate with in years.
A) This is a questionable way to open a story, with so much vagueness. Stinks of a cliche thriller. But is OK if done OK.
B) The sentence is flawed grammatically. You have two independent clauses, not joined together. Capitilize "this" or do something else to fix. "Well, I knew I had a gift as a child being able to see the unseen and such. But it never really grew until the day I started to believe that i was different from the others. It was really quite neat how my senses grew and eventually my strength." I replied to the reporter’s question.
Why is "i" not capitilized? I do not care if it was a spelling mistake. As a reader, I can not continue when such flaws are present. But my general impression to the rest of the text is that it is very info dumpish.
posted
This is an interesting intro, and draws me in with the mention of the "real" power. The physical development/blood flow/aura enhancement details are extraneous. It would be great if you could draw the reader's focus immediately to the final power, rather than all of the other details crowding our minds, then having to dismiss them because those aren't hte real powers. Also, the narrative at the beginning is very humanizing, to start. Make sure that, as part of your character development, you continue with the display of his human reactions to any superhuman or supernatural phenomena. What makes Spider-Man a permanent hero is that he's a human hero, not a superhuman.
Posts: 23 | Registered: Nov 2004
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posted
That you're not much farther than what you've presented here tells me this is only the beginning of a skeleton you're going to be hanging a story on. You'll need a lot of writing between the lines to flesh out the characters so readers can connect with them, and to counter the info-dump impression someone mentioned. But it sounds like you have a firm concept in mind.
Posts: 1810 | Registered: Jun 2002
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