posted
This is a flash, only 500 words; I'd love a few hypercritical readers for the whole thing.
Nellie's rancor was born, angry and squalling, from ten thousand things: the sensible shoes her mother made her wear in first grade when all the other girls wore sparkly sandals, the scar on her right cheek from the car accident she had in college, the strangers who'd stared, the jobs she didn't get and the jobs she'd never dreamed she could have, the loves she'd lost and been forgotten by, even the dingy walls of her tiny apartment. She picked it up and held it to her breast and determined to love it always, for it was hers.
In the mornings, Nellie woke her rancor up and fed it bitter gall and wormwood. After breakfast, she would take it to the park for some fresh air. For lunch she fed it grilled cheese sandwiches, charred well on both sides. In the afternoons her rancor napped while Nellie did her chores. For dinner her rancor dined upon curdled milk and rotten eggs. At night it slept uneasily, and often woke Nellie when its nightmares made it shriek.
Edited to add: there is one sentence that contains offensive language.
[This message has been edited by Beth (edited April 11, 2005).]
posted
I like the begining to this story and would also like to give it a look. I don't know if I'm hypercritical, but I can try to be ruthless and unforgiving. I have two other works at the moment, one I'm almost done with and another that isn't too long a story, but hopefully after I get my 3 tests done with by tommorow I'll have enough free time to look over them all by tommorow or the next day.
And aren't those things in Star Wars that Luke killed on Tattoine in Return of the Jedi called rancors?
But anyways, I can tacle a 500 word peice... depending on how I work my own writing schedule in the next couple of days, it really shouldn't take me too long to get through...
Edited to add: Um...We do all know that "rancor" is noun which means bitter resentment, usually over a long period of time, right? This is about emotion, not a bizarre SF animal.
[This message has been edited by MaryRobinette (edited April 11, 2005).]
posted
Yea, I knew that, I was joking. I didn't really believe that she was so unconsoiusly influenced by Star Wars... that'd be kinda disturbing otherwise...
Posts: 183 | Registered: Jan 2005
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posted
Sounds pretty good so far. I was wondering why she would let her rancor rest while she did chores though. It seems she would wake it fully at that point to help make the chores go quicker. Anyway, I would like to read the whole thing. Send it to fsilv01s@uis.edu.
Posts: 266 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
I'll read. My comment so far: when Nellie picked it up and held it to her breast, I didn't know what "it" was until the next paragraph. Might just say "Nellie picked her rancor up ..."
Posts: 2830 | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
I agree about the holding 'it' to her breast, bit confusing. And I'd like to see the rest of it too if you want to send it on.
Posts: 27 | Registered: Apr 2005
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Then I think I've got enough opinions for now. I'm planning on posting a few other stories over the next few weeks - hopefully I haven't used up all your attention on this one!
posted
No cause for concern. I believe Mr. Lucas spelled it 'ranchor', not 'rancor.' And the ranchor was the tall gribbly monster in the pit at Jabba the Hut's domain in Return of the Jedi. I always liked that scene where, after the ranchor is killed, the keeper cries for it. Even monsters have someone who loves 'em.
Posts: 2026 | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
oh, wenderella, thanks! I appreciate it. but I have as much feedback as I can handle lined up already. I hope you'll be willing to take a look at another story of mine in the near future instead.
Posts: 1750 | Registered: Oct 2004
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