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Here are the first few lines of the next installment of Stone Musings. This is non-fiction, social commentary, whatever. It might even be bildungsroman. (just learned that fancy literary term ) Due to the nature of this piece, I am not asking for comment on the first few lines. If you are willing to critique, please ask me to email it to you in its entirety. It comes to approximately 800 words.
quote:As I scramble down the hillside through the twisted brush and oaks, I can see that the valley is small and self-contained: neat in its simplicity, manmade. It is shallow at first, then descends at an angle for a few hundred yards until it ends, abruptly, at a wall of stone. It’s as though God had thrust a scoop into the Arkansas hills like a giant child playing in the sand, and lifted all the rock away.
Dogwoods blooming along the sides tell me that the excavation happened decades ago, and that there’s plenty of water here. Good. This one area will provide all I need to complete my report. I’ll be able to map the layers that the great scoop cut through, and draw the cliff face in good detail. I’ve been searching all day for an exposure like this.
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I'm not sure what I can offer here, but I like it. I'd be willing to read the whole piece if you want to e-mail it to me.
Posts: 132 | Registered: Mar 2005
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But I DO use geology and the occurences in the life of a geologist as a platform for the series. So, the confusion is understandable.
Posts: 2710 | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:1. A Bildungsroman is, most generally, the story of a single individual's growth and development within the context of a defined social order. The growth process, at its roots a quest story, has been described as both "an apprenticeship to life" and a "search for meaningful existence within society."
I just finished commenting on the first 2 installments you sent me, so by all means send me this one, too. I thoroughly enjoyed what I've read to date.
BTW, I'd never heard that term before, but it seems to describe your work perfectly.
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Thanks all for the comments, on this one as well as #s 1 and 2. River Walk Journal has taken them and wants to consider #3 as well. I hope to have a revised version of #3 ready tomorrow, so, would someones please volunteer to read for me again?
Posts: 2710 | Registered: Jul 2004
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Thanks for the quick turnaround MCameron! I used many of your comments to revise. Please let me know if you'd like to see the revised version.
Posts: 2710 | Registered: Jul 2004
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I was a bit busy during that week of March, but I've a bit more free time now if you're still looking for readers.
Posts: 8322 | Registered: Aug 1999
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I enjoyed your fragment. I have a couple of comments for your consideration: 1) the scoop analogy was good imagery, but "like a giant child playing in the sand" unnecessarily draws the thought out and is probably not needed to create the image.
2) Dogwoods can bloom after only a few years of life -- so blooming dogwoods do not necessarily equate with "decades". You may want to expound on the trees as large, old, whatever. They are also usually an understory tree and so would probably not be the only trees in the hillside (not that you wrote that).
This cracks me up. I was SO sure that I was right. Instead, I was wrong in a public forum. Oh, well. if that's the worst that happens today then my life has take a huge turn for the better!
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I think the stone musings 3 is one of the better things I have read here on hatrack. The image of the dogs drifting away... What do you need help with?
Posts: 1683 | Registered: Aug 2004
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No, there's much better here, but thanks anyway. And you know what? As soon as some of those flashes start wrking through this forum, we're going to see even better stuff. I was pretty impressed with a lot of them. Many were far more 'in the moment' than other stories I have read here, and while that doesn't always work, it often works well IMO.
I need help with the logic and the structure and the sense of intimacy. Do the events make sense in the sequence you read them in? Should I explain more? Should I try to be more intimate? Is it too distant? That kind of thing.
But, as always, ANY comments are appreciated.
Oh, and since I'm asking for a lot anyway, any ideas on what you'd like to see (if you would) in the next one?
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) Due to the nature of this piece, I am not asking for comment on the first few lines. If you are willing to critique, please ask me to email it to you in its entirety. It comes to approximately 800 words.
