Here are the first 15 lines of my story... It was either 11 or 15, or it would have stopped in the middle of a sentance... I think. (Sorry!)
This is a Fantasy - short story, and it is complete.
***
In the beginning all was centered within a void, inside this hollow chasm, fog, ice, hail and rain bound by the unforgiving cold resided, beside this chill, the realm of flames and heat burned furiously, always parted.
The void possessed a magic of its own, an empty and cheerless gift. From between the ice and fire the magic bloomed, the darkness from the cold balanced the light from the fire and the magic sensing this merged the two elements.
Warmth was born and from there life was created. In all of existence one rule was paramount, that for as long as there was life, light must equal darkness: darkness must equal light.
posted
Your beginning goes on and on with excess description, and it's rather confusing. I had to read the second paragraph thrice before it made sense. Could you make it a little more clear?
Also, this is the beginning of the story, and I don't know what the story is. There's no conflict or characters, just a vacuum with elements in it that began the world, and I don't know yet why it's important to the story.
Can I ask how long the story is, and are you looking for readers on the whole thing?
posted
That was the point, I think. I don't mind a little background, but a page to get into the story is way too long. That means a page of context without a character to hang on, a page of descriptions...An editor is not going to have the patience to wait that long. They have plenty of other things to read anyway. You have to get into the meat of the story as quickly as you can, otherwise no matter how good the rest of it is, it will never be read.
[This message has been edited by Silver3 (edited June 20, 2005).]
posted
It's a pretty decent description/interpretation of Norse creation myth so far (the Ginnunga-gap). One note; in paragraph 2, there should be a couple of commas to clarify objects and subjects; viz. "...and the magic, sensing this, merged the two elements".
posted
Very interesting. I see what you're doing with the Creation, though I think it would be better to start with the beginning of the era Ragnarok ends instead of the Creation of the world itself -- if you're trying to create a full-circle feel. But if you're playing around with the myths, don't listen to a word I say.
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