posted
The adventure began on Wednesday on the way home from school. Tommy started it when he said, “I don’t believe in basements. You know-- fairies, Santa...basements –they only exist in books.” “The big store downtown has a basement.” Roger hitched up his knapsack as he and Tommy walked along the sidewalk. “I’ve been there once with my mom.” “Doesn’t count. That’s a skyscraper. It’d fall over if it didn’t have a basement to weight it down. What I’m talking about is the kind where your mom sends you down to get something then a hand reaches out and grabs you. They don’t really build houses like that.” This was Houston, Texas. He was right.
[This message has been edited by arriki (edited March 24, 2008).]
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited March 24, 2008).]
quote:The adventure began on Wednesday on the way home from school. Tommy started it when he said, “I don’t believe in basements. You know-- fairies, Santa...basements –they only exist in books.” “The big store downtown has a basement.” Roger hitched up his knapsack as he and Tommy walked along the sidewalk. “I’ve been there once with my mom.” “Doesn’t count,” said Tommy. “That’s a skyscraper. It’d fall over if it didn’t have a basement to weight it down. What I’m talking about is the kind where your mom sends you down to get something then a hand reaches out and grabs you. They don’t really build houses like that.” Im[In] Houston, this was true. “We’ve got a basement in our house.[comma]” said Roger. “Your folks bought the same house as mine did, only two streets over. It’s sitting on a concrete block with pipes
Something about this got me. I am a fan of kids looking for adventure. What genre?
[This message has been edited by Bent Tree (edited March 24, 2008).]
[This message has been edited by Bent Tree (edited March 24, 2008).]
I agree with Bent Tree, and JustInProse, I liked it. As a bonus, it had me remembering all the stories I told my little brother about what lurked in our childhood home.
posted
The pace of the prose is quick and furious, and the amount of confidence you have in your narration really shows. Plus the foundation for the story is solid.
posted
I enjoyed the pace and rhythm too, and I thought that the children's dialogue sounded very realistic. The only thing that concerns me is the speculative element; did I miss it? If this is intended for an adult audience, an editor might not believe that there will be a payoff on that "hand in the basement" situation. Kids say things like that all the time in non-speculative books. Any suggestions from other readers about this?
Posts: 44 | Registered: Mar 2008
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posted
Sigh. It comes in the next few lines when Roger tells Tommy that his house has a basement -- in a town and time and subdivision where there are no basements. This is a fantasy.
Posts: 1580 | Registered: Dec 2005
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posted
It reads well, and it's rather charming, but I'm not really drawn in. I think I need a better sense of the stories potential, where it could go. Right now, I'm guessing the two kids are going to encounter a basement and something scary/ fantastical is going to happen. I'm not entirely stimulated by that prospect. In other words, I think you might need to tease something else into the story earlier on.
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