posted
Here is a fractured fairy tale that I'm working on. I have a complete draft, and I'd love critiques on both the first 13 lines and the whole story.
I'm also working on a companion story from the wolf's point of view, which I will post up here later. I do want both stories to be able to stand alone, and I'm a little worried that "The wolf's story" will be dependent on "Her Story". Maybe the reverse is also happening.
Anyway, that's enough yacking on my part. Read and comment!
---- Hi. I'm Little Red Riding Hoodie, and no, I don't go by anything shorter. Deal with it.
Why am I called Little Red Riding Hoodie you ask? Well, apparently I'm small, though I keep telling people I'm tall for my age. (That's 12, by the way.) Also, I ride my bike everywhere. It's faster than walking, doesn't pollute the atmosphere, and I don't have to constantly ask Mom for rides. As a result, I have really strong legs and high endurance. Seriously. Challenge me to a race sometime, any length. You'll lose.
Finally, I'm always wearing a red hoodie. People always think it's the same hoodie, but no. Laundry only gets done once a week at our house, if we're lucky, and I am NOT wearing a dirty
Apparently it's in the Stinky Cheese Man genre, right? (I'm over here, laughing that I would actually write a sentence like that.)
This is in a completely different genre than anything I've ever tried to critique before, but you have a good voice, although maybe I'm just not tough enough, but she seems awfully rude. Was this written for children, teenagers or adults? As a mother, my opinion is that this is too rude for children, and I'm not sure what that what you have would hook an older audience. Maybe the dark humor would hook some people, but it's just not my thing. Sorry.
[This message has been edited by Unwritten (edited June 10, 2008).]
posted
I love the spiky tone and the concept of a 'fractured fairy tale'.
This seems like a child with an independent mind. Provided it has a positive ending and isn't too gory I'd be happy for my kids to read it. (Except they're probably too old now.)
Nit: in the third para, "always" repeats in the first and second sentences.
If you can wait a few days for a crit, I'll happily read.
(On the two stories with two POVs and their possible interdependence, is the story asking you to write it once, with the two POVs alternating or intertwined or something?)
Cheers, Pat
[This message has been edited by TaleSpinner (edited June 11, 2008).]
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Talespinner, you should have received the story by now.
As far as writing it from multiple points of view, that resulted from starting to come up with a backstory for the wolf. It's interesting, and, hopefully, funny, so I'm going to write it as well. I may even write it from the Grandma's point of view.
Yes, this is in the "Stinky Cheese Man" genre. I also borrowed some inspiration from a sequel to "The Frog Prince" and "The Real Story of the Three Little Pigs" by A. Wolf.
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