posted
I really wound up in a mess in my last topic post in the Short Story; Fragments and Feedback forum and thought I'd discuss the problem here.
The beginning of my story is what I'd term a plot device or maybe vehicle would be a better term. It doesn't pertain to the actual story but I needed something to explain why my MC is alone on an isolated island. The MC must be near a body of water that connects to the open sea for the story to continue, and there cannot be anyone else around to see what happens next.
The MC is a teenage boy, and I thought that a girl friend problem would be a logical reason for him to be on this island since his family lives along the Florida Coast. I didn't show his problem with his girl friend because it's not that vital to the plot. It just puts him where he has to be for everything that happens next. This is the reason I am telling the scene instead of showing it. Obviously, from the crits I've received this is the wrong approach. Is there any way to use a plot device of this sort without going into a lot of detail, or should I shuck the whole idea and try a totally different angle? Is there any other method I could use to make this work?
posted
I've read that the opening should hint, foreshadow or introduce the theme for the story. Therefore, the reason he's on the island should reflect in some way what the story is about. If it's a murder, have him adventuring and find a dead fish, if it's magic, have him follow a will-o-wisp to the island - that sort of thing.
A throw away scene at the beginning is confusing and annoying. Why make the reader get invested in the emotion and consequences if it never comes up again?
Why he's on that island needs to tie in integrally.
posted
Can't he just live there? Do you need an explanation for him being there alone or does the story?
It was a dark and stormy night doesn't require that we know *why* it's stormy. I just have a feeling you might be making this harder than it is. He's just there.
Back up for a second, though. What's the inciting incident? What happens in the story that sets him off on his adventure on the big sea? Why does he care? Why does he have nothing to lose that he wants to go off by himself? *that's* perhaps where the explanation has to come from, and that is something that is showable (though it's harder when someone is alone, but you can characterize their loneliness/aloneness without too much trouble, in my opinion.)
posted
In your first 13, the advice was given to show versus tell. If I understood correctly, the poster meant that the characters emotions were not effectively conveyed. Informing the reader of emotions is rarely a good idea. Inform of the breakup, sure. But then use your writerly talents to make me feel your character's emotions.
I think the structure works. I know about this character, I know why he's at the beach. When someone falls in the water, I know there's a story here (well, I assume there's a story here).
And I would expect that the stuff about his breakup does pertain to the story. I'm assuming that the story will be about the character dealing with these emotions, while he deals with whatever's going on with the falling and the splashing.
Clarity seemed to be more of an issue than plot devices in your post.
posted
My opinion is that Showing is not absolutely better than Telling. And so if you're getting advice like "show don't tell," it might mean that you aren't "telling" well enough, but "showing" might not fix what the real problem is. One thing to check is whether or not you are strongly rooted in a pov consistently. Another is to check for problems with flow, see if any of it is jarring. Things of that nature.
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posted
Do you really need to explain why he's there? Do you need to do it in the first 13? If it's in the first 13 we, as readers, are going to asssume it's intimately connected with what happens next. It might be enough just to know he's escaped there to think.
If the story's not about the breakup, you are probably making a false promise to the reader. Wallowing in the teenage breakup angst probably isn't necessary. An errant thought or two about being alone might be better than the frame story that gets him to the beach at this moment and time.
If he could just as easily be thinking his parents are going to kill him when they learn he failed Trig, AGAIN, you probably don't want the scene you started with. But regardless of whether you start with his wallowing, show me what he's feeling by his actions. Is he skipping sea shells into the ocean? Dragging his feet? Comparing the relationship with the girl with his footprints being obliterated by the sea? Get inside his head a bit more than your current 13 does.
[This message has been edited by kings_falcon (edited October 27, 2008).]
posted
You folks have been just great. Your experience and knowledge is so evident in your replies and very much appreciated, but while I've been reading them, I'm wondering if I'm telling the story through the wrong MC. There are only two characters in this entire story. One is the boy, Pete. The other is the man, Olna, who falls into the lagoon. I'm experimenting with another draft I started just this afternoon, and it might be easier using Olna instead of Pete as the MC. It seems to be working so far, and I'm about five pages into the rough draft using Olna as my MC.
We'll see how it goes and I'll keep everyone's advice and crits in mind if I decide to go back to my original story line.
Thanks to everyone for your support. It makes me wonder how I ever wrote anything worthwhile without Hatrack .
posted
Good idea to consider switching POV! That can be a great way through a tricky problem - either a permanent switch, or just a thought exercise to experiment with and give you another perspective on your character.
Meanwhile, because we're talking about show-don't-tell, I wanted to whip out one of my favorite Uncle Orson's writing class articles:
posted
Thanks for the link, Kay Ti. I can't believe how much that paralleled my problem.
You're also right about switching the POV and not the MC. I got to thinking about it after I made that post. The story is about what happens to Pete once he tries to help Olna out of a sticky problem. I am going to continue with Olna as the POV and see where it leads me, but there will be some other bumps along the way when what Pete is experiencing becomes more vital than Olna's POV. We'll see what happens.
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