quote:

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In the dream, she stood on a rocky red cliff, mountain bones exposed in stern muscled columns that thrust through sand and scrub.[This first sentace seems to wordy. I would try to simplify it] The edge dropped off sharply, with gnarled pinion roots seeming to be the only thing that kept the next striated chunk from slipping off the rock face to join its brothers several hundred feet below[. End sentance here.Dont need the rest] at the bottom of the canyon.
The air was clear and so blue behind the glaring sun that it deepened to almost nightfall indigo. On the facing cliff, gnarled pinion [You've said gnarled pinion twice now - here and in first parahraph, don't need it again] and scaly alligator juniper competed for ground space with wild sage and spindly but brilliant wildflowers.
She looked down, into the valley far below her, the space between the cliffs where cottonwood and tumbled brush marked the path of a shallow river, nearly dry in the harsh sun, the dust-choked air. Close to the river, a path cut through the brush.[From she looked down, to a path cut through the brush needs a reword. its too busy] On it, men moved, some by horse; more by foot.
The men on horseback were clad in remnants of military blues, patched and scrabbled-together outfits that looked more like costumes than uniforms. It was the broad-rimmed hats that set them apart, as much as the horses, from the men on foot, shirtless and darker skinned, long hair tied back in bandanas and rags of cloth.[who's has long hair and wearing bandanas? The men on horseback, or the men walking?] She could smell the sweat and stink of dirty men and tired horses as

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I am a little confused. Is she dreaming about herself, or is someone else dreaming about her?

There's too much going on in way of description here, and not enough of the story. What is the hook? I don't see anything that would make me read on right now.

In the first 13:

quote:

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In the dream, she stood on a rocky red cliff, mountain bones exposed in stern muscled columns that thrust through sand and scrub. [Who is she (Name)? Is she the dreamer?] The edge dropped off sharply, with gnarled pinion roots seeming to be the only thing that kept the next striated chunk from slipping off the rock face to join its brothers several hundred feet below at the bottom of the canyon.[Why should I care about the striated rocks, and the cliff?]
The air was clear and so blue behind the glaring sun that it deepened to almost nightfall indigo.[What time of day is it?] On the facing cliff, gnarled pinion and scaly alligator juniper competed for ground space with wild sage and spindly but brilliant wildflowers.[ Again, why are you telling me the inconsequential details of a dream?]
She looked down, into the valley far below her, the space between the cliffs where cottonwood and tumbled brush marked the path of a shallow river, nearly dry in the harsh sun, the...[It's very descriptive, perhaps too descriptive, but it doesn't tell me squat about the story.]

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Actually, reading further I would ditch "rocky red" entirely and go straight into the mountain bones (the grammar could use some rearranging), that's a great image especially since it is continued with the muscle. I do what to know what makes the columns muscled/like muscle. Twisted together with ivy like fibers of muscle? Are they stout and strong?

I'd avoid vagueness like "seeming"... you're giving a view of the mountains, tell us what it is...not what it 'kinda sorta might be.'

My understanding of pinion's definition makes it sound very off in that sentence, like it doesn't fit grammatically and it might fit contextually but would need more explanation.

Mountain bones exposed made me think that the mountain was above her so some relational detail would help.

"deepened" makes me think it's happening at that moment rather than that the blue was already so dark that it was indigo. "So blue" makes me think of an intense/bright blue, not a dark blue.

I like "nightfall indigo"...sounds pretty

Gnarled pinion has already been used in the paragraph-change it up a little!

I like the plants competing against each other but that's very opposite to the initial image of the bones (deadness) of the mountains earlier.

I like how you specify the different types...wild flowers, sage, cottonwood. I don't know much about plants, but that's enough to give me a good image of what I'm looking at.

Maybe "Her vision showed her the 1881 Battle of Chibecue between local Apaches and soliders who tried to arrest the medicine man for inssurection."

Then I don't put it down with a groan - "another dream opening how cliche'. Nope, nothing here for me."

IMHO, although people vary on how much they want, spend less time on the description. Right now the first 13 ends before you have any hook. If you use something like my suggested first line, you can probably skip the geography and jump into the soldiers arrival. IB nailed it.