I have recently completed a 100,000 word regional mystery novel set in and around the White Mountain Apache Reservation, titled Murder in the Cards. The story combines historical events from the late 1800s with a recent murder that propels part-time psychic and full-time single mom Dulci Ash reluctantly out of her shell and onto the trail of a supernatural killer in the White Mountains of Arizona.
Along with way, she meets Josh Burnett, the all too human singer/songwriter who is accused of the crime, his father Vince Burnett, an Apache medicine man who's Machiavellian politics make the prince look like a dabbler, and a pumped-up octogenarian madman who has been possessed by the spirit of Coyote, the Native American trickster and meddler.
Historical elements of the story center around the fictionalized account of a famous Apache Medicine Man, Goyani (Apache for The Wise One), who was apprehended by local soldiers for inciting an insurrection among the Apache people. Goyani had promised to resurrect four dead Apache War Chiefs to lead the people. A terrible battle ensued between the soldiers who had come to arrest him and the people of Cibecue, which is widely recognized as the last major battle of the Indian Wars. Goyani ended up being murdered, hands tied behind his back, during the fight. No one knows how history might have changed if he had remained alive long enough to complete the resurrection ceremony.
I have worked as a psychologist on the Apache Reservation for approximately eight years, and am able to combine a thorough understanding of modern Apache culture with fastidious historical research – I worked in the editorial department of a weekly newspaper in Detroit for nearly 10 years before deciding to return to school for my PhD.
I would be glad to send you sample chapters or the full manuscript on your request. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Sounds interesting. One nit:

A terrible battle ensued between the soldiers who had come to arrest him and the people of Cibecue, which is widely recognized as the last major battle of the Indian Wars.

The "which" is kind of ambiguous. How about:

A terrible clash ensued between the soldiers who had come to arrest him and the people of Cibecue. The Battle of XXXX is widely recognized as the last major conflict of the Indian Wars.

Or something like that.

Congrats and good luck.

I have recently completed a 100,000 word regional mystery novel set in and around the White Mountain Apache Reservation, titled Murder in the Cards. The story combines historical events from the late 1800s with a recent murder that propels part-time psychic and full-time single mom Dulci Ash reluctantly out of her shell and onto the trail of a supernatural killer in the White Mountains of Arizona.
Along with way, she meets Josh Burnett, the all too human singer/songwriter who is accused of the crime, his father Vince Burnett, an Apache medicine man who's Machiavellian politics make the prince look like a dabbler, and a pumped-up octogenarian madman who has been possessed by the spirit of Coyote, the Native American trickster and meddler.
Historical elements of the story center around the fictionalized account of a famous Apache Medicine Man, Goyani (Apache for The Wise One), who was apprehended by local soldiers for inciting an insurrection among the Apache people. Goyani had promised to resurrect four dead Apache War Chiefs to lead the people. A terrible battle ensued between the soldiers who had come to arrest him and the warriors of Cibecue. The Battle of Cibecue is widely recognized as the last major battle of the Indian Wars. Goyani ended up being murdered, hands tied behind his back, during the fight. No one knows how history might have changed if he had remained alive long enough to complete the resurrection ceremony.
I have worked as a psychologist on the Apache Reservation for approximately eight years, and am able to combine a thorough understanding of modern Apache culture with fastidious historical research – I worked in the editorial department of a weekly newspaper in Detroit for nearly 10 years before deciding to return to school for my PhD.
I would be glad to send you sample chapters or the full manuscript on your request. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

quote:

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I have recently completed a 100,000 word regional mystery novel set in and around the White Mountain Apache Reservation, titled Murder in the Cards. The story combines historical events from the late 1800s with a recent murder that propels part-time psychic and full-time single mom Dulci Ash reluctantly out of her shell and onto the trail of a supernatural killer in the White Mountains of Arizona.

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The first sentence is gramatically a bit confusing. How about: "I have recently completed a 100,000 word regional mystery novel titled Murder in the Cards. It is set in and around the White Mountain Apache Reservation." Since you tell us where it's set, I'd recommend getting rid of "regional" since it's unneccessary information.

The above description is interesting, but I'm now expecting an explaination of how the historical event and recent murder propel Dulci into action.

quote:

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Along with way, she meets Josh Burnett, the all too human singer/songwriter who is accused of the crime, his father Vince Burnett, an Apache medicine man who's Machiavellian politics make the prince look like a dabbler, and a pumped-up octogenarian madman who has been possessed by the spirit of Coyote, the Native American trickster and meddler.

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Frankly, I have no reason to care about this list of people. I can see how Josh is involved in the plot, but the rest are just a grocery list of meaningless (to us) characters. Drop this paragraph and work the Josh meeting into your explaination of how Dulci gets pulled into hunting the killer.

quote:

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Historical elements of the story center around the fictionalized account of a famous Apache Medicine Man, Goyani (Apache for The Wise One), who was apprehended by local soldiers for inciting an insurrection among the Apache people. Goyani had promised to resurrect four dead Apache War Chiefs to lead the people. A terrible battle ensued between the soldiers who had come to arrest him and the warriors of Cibecue. The Battle of Cibecue is widely recognized as the last major battle of the Indian Wars. Goyani ended up being murdered, hands tied behind his back, during the fight. No one knows how history might have changed if he had remained alive long enough to complete the resurrection ceremony.

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Well, that's nice, but I don't understand how it relates to your novel. I'd rather you took this space to tell me about the 'present' story--how Dulci gets pulled into hunting the supernatural killer in the White Mountains of Arizona.

quote:

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I have worked as a psychologist on the Apache Reservation for approximately eight years, and am able to combine a thorough understanding of modern Apache culture with fastidious historical research – I worked in the editorial department of a weekly newspaper in Detroit for nearly 10 years before deciding to return to school for my PhD.

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I'd put a period after 'historical research' and make the editorial department bit a seperate sentence. I'm not sure that the "before deciding...PhD" bit adds anything, but feel free to keep it if you have room.

quote:

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I would be glad to send you sample chapters or the full manuscript on your request. Thank you for your time and consideration.

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This is fine.

Actually, this isn't half-bad for your first (well, second) posted version of the query. However, the second and third paragraphs aren't connected to the plot and so aren't meaningful (or interesting) to the reader. Good luck.