posted
Okay, my characters are currently having a huge fight over what age level I'm writing for. So I'm breaking down and posting my first 13. Any comments on the first 13 and/or anyone interested in reading the first chapter or three (1400-5800 words) would be greatly appreciated.
The storm sirens started just before midday.
Most of Jaylie's classmates were too busy celebrating their early dismissal to hear the teacher's stern warnings to go straight home, without delay. Normally Jaylie would have been celebrating with them -- a half day was practically a vacation. But as Jaylie got up and followed her classmates out of the school, trailing one hand along the wall to ward off dizziness, she was just grateful for the chance to escape back to bed. Maybe now she'd be able to convince her mom that she wasn't pretending to be sick.
Her brother was standing with two of his friends just outside the front door, laughing and pointing at something, and Jaylie hesitated. Usually she could give as good as she got, [...]
posted
Your opening implied to me that the sirens might be going off as the students were being dismissed, and I don't think most schools would do that. However, if it looked like the severe weather was going to persist and there was a temporary break between storms, I'm assuming the school would dismiss and that is what we are seeing here.
That being said, storms hook me. Go ahead and send the first chapter, but I'm not sure I'll get to it until after this weekend.
posted
I've never had anyone send me a chapter before, but I'd be willing to read yours if you want. I think I'm avoiding working on mine, ha ha.
Posts: 128 | Registered: Apr 2009
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It's true that schools would not risk childrens' safety. However, in this case that may be the point of this scene. What storm--what situation--would warrant such risk? Perhaps that is the hook being presented. I may be wrong but from what I see here I would be interested in reading on.
@Kitti
I would certainly like to read on with chapter one if that's OK.
--William
[This message has been edited by WBSchmidt (edited May 21, 2009).]
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