posted
As a Teen in the 70's, I would play Dungeons and Dragons with all of my friends in the capacity as Dungeon Master. I always drew a large crowd because they liked to come for the "story" more than the actual playing. I would invent new artifacts, magic, and characters on the fly while placing the group in fantastic scenarios. My friends commented numerous times "Why aren’t you writing books? You could make a fortune!" This planted the seed.
I have often thought about writing and trying to get published over the years. It is something that dreams were made of and something that has always tickled the back of my mind in the "what if" grey matter area.
posted
I can see the point of IB's question. It looks real close to home. What sort of critique are you looking for?
There don't appear to be any nits to draw my complaints and it reads smoothly. I even think I understand it. The only suggestion might be a comma after friends in the first sentence.
The only hint at genre is mention of D&D. It makes me suspect that the first-person author, we don't know his name yet, will be drawn in or thrown back to a setting of D&D that puts him in peril. A little foreshadowing of the real conflict or danger might make a better hook.
posted
I'm not sure how much the last paragraph adds. After stating that the seed was planted, I feel ready to move into your character's present scene, instead of still providing a recap of his past. Just a thought. Otherwise, I'm interested and would read a little further to see where its headed.
Nits: I wouldn't capitalize Teen.
with [cut -> all of] my friends (covered by "large crowd") ...capacity of Dungeon Master.
In fact, "I would play Dungeons and Dragons with all of my friends in the capacity as Dungeon Master" could be open to the interpretation that the friends are the DM.
I would play -> I played (not sure; could leave this one) I would invent -> I invented
My friends commented numerous times, "Why... (needs comma)
[This message has been edited by MrsBrown (edited June 11, 2009).]
posted
I liked it and it drew me in. I was wondering, like IB, if it wasn't a biography. I also agree with Mrs. Brown that by the second paragraph I am ready for a scene. I liked the clear writing, there was nothing I wanted to glaze over.
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