Hatrack River Writers Workshop   
my profile login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Fragments and Feedback for Books » First 13 - Titled 'The Author'

   
Author Topic: First 13 - Titled 'The Author'
D_James_Larkin
Member
Member # 3007

 - posted      Profile for D_James_Larkin           Edit/Delete Post 
As a Teen in the 70's, I would play Dungeons and Dragons with all of my friends in the capacity as Dungeon Master. I always drew a large crowd because they liked to come for the "story" more than the actual playing. I would invent new artifacts, magic, and characters on the fly while placing the group in fantastic scenarios. My friends commented numerous times "Why aren’t you writing books? You could make a fortune!" This planted the seed.

I have often thought about writing and trying to get published over the years. It is something that dreams were made of and something that has always tickled the back of my mind in the "what if" grey matter area.


Posts: 44 | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
InarticulateBabbler
Member
Member # 4849

 - posted      Profile for InarticulateBabbler   Email InarticulateBabbler         Edit/Delete Post 
Is this non-fiction?
Posts: 3687 | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
D_James_Larkin
Member
Member # 3007

 - posted      Profile for D_James_Larkin           Edit/Delete Post 
No, this is fiction in prose.
Posts: 44 | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JeffBarton
Member
Member # 5693

 - posted      Profile for JeffBarton   Email JeffBarton         Edit/Delete Post 
I can see the point of IB's question. It looks real close to home. What sort of critique are you looking for?

There don't appear to be any nits to draw my complaints and it reads smoothly. I even think I understand it. The only suggestion might be a comma after friends in the first sentence.

The only hint at genre is mention of D&D. It makes me suspect that the first-person author, we don't know his name yet, will be drawn in or thrown back to a setting of D&D that puts him in peril. A little foreshadowing of the real conflict or danger might make a better hook.


Posts: 243 | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MrsBrown
Member
Member # 5195

 - posted      Profile for MrsBrown   Email MrsBrown         Edit/Delete Post 
I'm not sure how much the last paragraph adds. After stating that the seed was planted, I feel ready to move into your character's present scene, instead of still providing a recap of his past. Just a thought. Otherwise, I'm interested and would read a little further to see where its headed.

Nits:
I wouldn't capitalize Teen.

with [cut -> all of] my friends (covered by "large crowd")
...capacity of Dungeon Master.

In fact, "I would play Dungeons and Dragons with all of my friends in the capacity as Dungeon Master" could be open to the interpretation that the friends are the DM.

I would play -> I played (not sure; could leave this one)
I would invent -> I invented

My friends commented numerous times, "Why... (needs comma)

[This message has been edited by MrsBrown (edited June 11, 2009).]


Posts: 785 | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
satate
Member
Member # 8082

 - posted      Profile for satate   Email satate         Edit/Delete Post 
I liked it and it drew me in. I was wondering, like IB, if it wasn't a biography. I also agree with Mrs. Brown that by the second paragraph I am ready for a scene. I liked the clear writing, there was nothing I wanted to glaze over.
Posts: 968 | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Hatrack River Home Page

Copyright © 2008 Hatrack River Enterprises Inc. All rights reserved.
Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited.


Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2