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I think the rule in the shower in the locker room was keep your eyes up towards the ceiling and just pretend like there aren't naked guys also showering around you. As for the Astrodome, I just tried to get into the corner and go on a diagonal (no peeking that way).
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Out of curiosity, even doing your best to follow "The Code", do you still see a lot of, um, stuff? Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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Even if you followed the code and tried your best, you were still bound to see something. And I do know that some guys were not following the rule since a "friend" of mine started spreading certain things about me based off it. *sigh* Stupid middle school days.
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I remember my husband and his best friend going off on stories of guys locker rooms to me and the friend's girlfriend. Suddenly it sunk in for both of us how stressful that whole thing is for guys. We just had no idea.
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It depends on the guys. I've heard that some guys are fine with it and it doesn't bother them. Then you have people like me who it's one of their worst memories from that time period.
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I also hated that time from school. Guys aren't as comfortable with it as they are made out to be I think. I know I certainly wasn't. I hated changing and showering around other guys.
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I imagine most guys hate it. And yet, if any guy tried to get it changed, it would be like sacrificing his manhood. Guys are expected to buck up and deal with it.
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It's part of our sacred rituals of manhood. Only one of which is meant to be pleasant. The others are all designed to be horrible.
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I have no problem with communal showers, but I have great difficulty peeing at a urinal when there's another person within a few urinals of me. This sometimes leads to me standing around in front of a urinal for considerable periods of time. Posts: 10886 | Registered: Feb 2000
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I've got that problem too, twinky. It's why I avoid public urinals if I can. Then again I also hate communal showers. I'm glad I have my own private bathroom here at college.
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quote:Originally posted by twinky: I have no problem with communal showers, but I have great difficulty peeing at a urinal when there's another person within a few urinals of me. This sometimes leads to me standing around in front of a urinal for considerable periods of time.
Then just pee in the toilet stall instead.
I had a friend who actually had someone reach over and give him a "squeeze" while he was peeing in a public urinal. My friend wasn't being very attentive to what was going on around him (not too unbelievable for this cat) and all of a sudden he felt a little pinch and just kind of jumped out of his shoes. He claims that he laid the guy out but I think it more likely that he made a run for his money.
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Using the toilet stall wastes water. Nonetheless, I do that when there aren't enough available urinals.
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I guess I'm one of those guys who make pfresh uncomfortable. I have no problem in communal showers nor peeing in urinals/troughs/the bushes. Which is not to say that I don't notice some serious breaches in urinal etiquette when they happen, but I'm unwilling to allow the uneducated to keep my bladder from emptying.
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I can't understand why this event warranted a post. You met up with a guy, you went out for coffee, you went back to his place, he tried to put a move on you, you thwarted it. Big frikkin whoop, that happens to guys all the time. Partly because we are never really sure if a girl is being "flirtatious for fun" or has something behind it. If you are going to have a dramatic self-evaluation every time you need to inform a guy that you are not interested, you'll be in trouble. oh, and next time you might want to send clearer signals to him that you just want to "hang out".......being that the whole night was just you two and you ended up in his apt. at 2am. just a thought.
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quote:Originally posted by Bob the Lawyer: Which is not to say that I don't notice some serious breaches in urinal etiquette when they happen, but I'm unwilling to allow the uneducated to keep my bladder from emptying.
See, I feel this way about it too, and I'm trying to break that mental block, but it isn't easy.
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quote:Originally posted by katharina: So girls should only hang around guys for whom they have romantic intent?
Well no, I never said that, or anything like that, or even used those words. Reading is fundamental eh Kat? I was simply stating that, in the absence of clear signals, you are giving a signal by your behavior. I also was not intending to be misinterpreted as saying that girls owe guys something if the guy has it all wrong. It's just unfair to "play" like you don't know he's interested.
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Part of being a girl is learning how to not be offended by attempts but still say no. Part of being a guy is learning how to not be offended that girls don't put their relationship availability on signs around their necks.
He tried, she said no, it's still fine. If that was outlawed by custom in society, there would be a great deal less pairing off going on.
There's no shame in getting rejected. You don't have to be upset by it - just deal with it and move on.
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quote:Originally posted by katharina: ...I thought Lyrhawn was female. Dagnabbit.
That hurts. Been here for a year, and apparently posted like a girl the whole time. Now I need comfort food. Ack! That's why she thinks I'm a girl! Must. Be. Manly!
quote:Originally posted by Pfresh85: Wait, which one is meant to be pleasant?
The one that for centuries has supposedly made you a "man." You know, the thing we're all after? The thing we pretend to be friends with girls for so we can get it? The thing we think about every other second?
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The real problem is when someone switches roles on you. Rejection is one thing, mixed signals are expected. But the people who grab your crotch, grind against you on the dance floor, slip naked into your room to wait for you to come home, or literally rip the shirt off your back, these people are harder for me to deal with. Not enough practice, I guess.
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Alt, if you go to the apartment- as opposed to some place communal, like a dorm- of a member of the opposite sex, alone, at 2 AM... No small number of people are going to interpret that as interest. I'm glad the guy had the decency to immediately back off when you told him no. Be careful. I'm not saying anything about right or wrong or who got what signals crossed, just... Be careful.
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quote:Originally posted by Bob the Lawyer: I guess I'm one of those guys who make pfresh uncomfortable. I have no problem in communal showers nor peeing in urinals/troughs/the bushes. Which is not to say that I don't notice some serious breaches in urinal etiquette when they happen, but I'm unwilling to allow the uneducated to keep my bladder from emptying.
The ones who make me really uncomfortable were the guys that walked around the locker room with no clothes on and no concern.
quote:Originally posted by Lyrhawn: ]The one that for centuries has supposedly made you a "man." You know, the thing we're all after? The thing we pretend to be friends with girls for so we can get it? The thing we think about every other second?
Ah. I see. I didn't realize that was a ritual thing, I thought it was just biological.
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quote:It's just unfair to "play" like you don't know he's interested.
Um, I don't think it's "playing". Alt has already expressed her own insecurities, something that many women feel. She is a gorgeous woman, and it is reasonable that many of the guys she interacts with are interested in her on one level or another. But that doesn't mean she should be expected to know it.
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quote:Originally posted by StickyWicket: blah blah drama drama
Alt.
I can't understand why this event warranted a post. You met up with a guy, you went out for coffee, you went back to his place, he tried to put a move on you, you thwarted it. Big frikkin whoop, that happens to guys all the time. Partly because we are never really sure if a girl is being "flirtatious for fun" or has something behind it. If you are going to have a dramatic self-evaluation every time you need to inform a guy that you are not interested, you'll be in trouble. oh, and next time you might want to send clearer signals to him that you just want to "hang out".......being that the whole night was just you two and you ended up in his apt. at 2am. just a thought.
In case you have not been reading things clearly, I have specifically said that I do not know how to deal with men in general. I'm seeking advice from those who do or more or less do. As per my landmark and "I need Psyco help" thread, I have stated clearly enough that I do not know how to treat men because I never had any male influence in my life. I do not know how men think, what they want, expect, etc. Besides, as I have stated before, pretty much everyone goes to sleep very late in here because there are no curfews and we are college students. I'm sure he would've made his move regardless of what time we drank that coffee.
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quote: Besides, as I have stated before, pretty much everyone goes to sleep very late in here because there are no curfews and we are college students. I'm sure he would've made his move regardless of what time we drank that coffee.
Perhaps so. I don't know the guy, and I certainly wasn't privy to what conversation occurred before the guy made his move. But consider that if you are at someone's private place at an hour that people usually go to sleep- even if that sleep hour is unusual, as it often is in college- that person may interpret that as an intention to sleep there.
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Nononononono! We were at my place at 2:30am! We just watched a movie in his place, we went back at around 1am to my place.
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Ah, my mistake. That's good- you have more control in your own home. Though, _he_ may still have been under that impression.
I don't know what the housing situation is like at your college, Altariel. Are there lounges or other quasi-public places to socialize? Are you in a dorm, or do you have an apartment, or do you share a house with someone?
I am not in any way suggesting you did anything wrong- I don't think you did. I'm just trying to come up with nonverbal ways to make such situations clearer in the future.
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I thought the rule had to do with looking though and not with the act of peeing. In fact, I can't recall any rules for peeing except not to miss.
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I suppose that's a valid point. But you have to admit that sex is probably one of the most ritualized acts in the history of human culture, other than sacrifice.
The pressure guys feel comes from a desire to be manly, and seen as manly, in the eyes of other men. Thus it's ritualized in our culture. There aren't any rules per se on HOW to have sex, the rule is just to have it.
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Twinky, I never had a problem about peeing when someone else was at the next urinal until I was in high school, and had a friend who had the problem. When he first mentioned it to me I just thought "wow, that sucks. Poor him," but after that I'd think about it while standing at the urinal, and be unable to pee. I dealt with it by just making the other people vanish, mentally. I'd just visualize the bathroom completely empty, with maybe a tumbleweed or something blowing through it, or visualize myself elsewhere, and really bring it all into being clearly enough that it was like they weren't there. Worked like a charm. Eventally I got out of the habit of thinking about the possibility of not being able to pee, and the problem went away.
I also never really had a problem with communal showering, by the way. I'd have preferred not to have had to have taken them, but given that I had to, and everyone else had to as well, I just put up with it and didn't worry too much about it.
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A while back I read something about a psychologist who offered therapy for men who were uncomfortable with public restrooms, had difficulty peeing when somebody was right next to them, etc. I don't have a link and I don't recall the term he attached to this hang-up. Let's call it "Peeophobia" for the purpose of this post.
One of his recommended therapies for helping men overcome their peeophobia was to spend more time in public restrooms, even when not having to use the facilities, to become more comfortable with them in general. Upon reading that, I immediately thought it was a brilliant way for this psychologist to drum up more business. After all, if there are men just kind of hanging around in the restroom when I need to pee, I'm going to develop peeophobia really darn quickly.
Myself, I can only use an empty restroom. Just one of those things.
As to the showers at my schools, past and present, in the locker room: no one used them. Unless you were on an athletic team, of course. P.E. didn't require it, because frankly they were nasty. Mildewed and spewing rusty or greenish water. No one went near them.
Showering I don't have such a problem with. I've never looked at other people--that's such a violation of ettiquette and privacy that I can't believe people do it at all--but I never felt uncomfortable or like I had to stare at the ceiling. Probably because when we lived in Europe, went to a lot of spas and pools where clothes were the exception rather than the rule.
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I'd be more bothered by some dude just standing around in the restroom, than by someone using the urinal next to me.
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I basically had to shower. I was on the football team, so my options after practice were a) shower (and look kind of nice for class) or b) don't shower (and be all sweaty and nasty for class).
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