posted
Jane LeGuin, in an act of utterly inexplicable impulsivenes transports a bewildered Ender or Alvin to the time frame and physical location of the other.
They are each duped into believing that the other is the hidden supra-cognitive crafty genius orchestrating the events of history to hinder them... PERSONALLY.
They square off (both looking befuddled, with lots of side-long "distancing" glances at their frothing fans).
*schwoooop*
Bean gets transported in to serve as the judge in this match-up.
Bean finds himself behind a desk, staring up at the two competitors. He suppresses the ever-tormenting memories of his childhood and tries to focus on the situation at hand.
Always the instantaneous-assimilator, Bean instantly surmises the situation. Although, he bears a certain fondness for this Ender bloke who's timeline he's shared, he's aware of his own envy for Ender's spotlight on the stage of transglobal and interstellar affairs. So he steadies his gaze on Alvin...
"objectivitity!" Bean reminds himself, but then lapses into a litany of his own faults.
*the audience taps their toes on the bleachers*
Bean rouses himself to inspect the challenger.
This Alvin Maker upstart. Technologically lacking, but definitely a force to be reckoned with.
Bean bears down on himself. "This? This? My final dilemma?! This ridiculous..."
*cut to commercial*
And we're back.
The camera does a fly-through of the deep wrinkles in Bean's ginormous cranium. He is suffering. We're on a waterslide of guilt-ridden torrential tears.
"Bean!" the fans shout.
Bean looks up into the spotlights. Ender and Alvin both follow his gaze. All three are blinded.
posted
What a ridiculous question. Alvin walks out, then heals everyone's blindness once he's a quarter-mile down the road.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
So is this 11 year old primed-to-kill Ender or post-xenocide, same size as Alvin Maker Ender?
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Strong women rule, filetted - why else? Ask Ralphie!
Seriously, my mind was trying to tie together the contrasts of Petra's earlier love of Ender and never getting the chance to really tell him plus all her inferiority complexes about failing him coupled with her "getting" of Bean but knowing he'll be gone shortly, too, yet still carrying the baby (with the lost few out there which they may find - Bean promised, so you know it'll happen) and the possibility of a normal life with Alvin on this side of things (well as normal as can be expected wielding those extra powers)if she made a play for that . . . tie all that in with strong maternal instinct (whatever vision suits you best - that of wolf or lioness) and she'll have the power - probably enough of it to take out all three.
That good enough for you?
(And yes - that was all in ONE breath)
Posts: 5609 | Registered: Jan 2003
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posted
Ah, yes... part of the Cultural Feminism magic in Enchantment was that being pregnant made this woman MORE powerful (as opposed to fatigued, pukey and cross). So Petra with Bean's baby on board would definitely kick Ender's glutes. Alvin gets away by running in the great greensong set up by the mothertrees (I'm assuming this matchup is on Lusitania for some reason).
I'm also assuming Ender as the revived Peter, and not dead Ender or 20 something Ender. I guess if Alvin reanimated Ender's corpse, just so he could fight him, that might be cool.
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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Does this fall in her lap (bean expires, something happens to ender) and she just "ends up" with Alvin, or does she make the choice?
Posts: 1733 | Registered: Apr 2003
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(Switching gears from Easter bunny to daring parody writer)
She knows Bean's a goner which is a big reason why she pursued him so relentlessly - to carry on his genetic code, so he's out of the running, anyhow. What's he got - another year? Two at the most?
Ender . . . she decides he's the whiniest guy this side of the universe. I mean (I mean, I meannnnn - I'm sitting on the bench, on the group W bench . . . oops, sorry - little sidetrack into 60's music)After all - he has the power and he can use it but then he turns around and feels bad about it and writes tear-jerker stories!!!! Get a grip, dude!
So, obviously, she chooses Alvin. (Why - I don't know - I've only read the one book so I can't speak to his personage beyond that of a young child.)
Fill in the gaps, filleted!
Posts: 5609 | Registered: Jan 2003
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posted
There is the small problem of Alvin's wife Peggy. So now we are looking at Petra/Peggy smackdown. And Petra is pregnant with Bean's baby and Peggy is pregnant with Alvin's baby (as of the end of Heartfire).
However, I don't think Petra and Peggy would be able to really get angry at each other since they both spend a lot of time trying to figure out whether good is really that good and evil is really that evil. So the premise that Alvin and Ender were each other's cosmic nemeses might not matter to them.
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
*flish comes to the stunning realization that it's been QUITE SOME TIME since he read most of the novels*
ok, interesting suggestions there, pooka. throwing a monkey-wrench into the works the the pregnant women. gonna have to drop the "smackdown" and make this a more interesting sort of final conflict (parody).
so we've got what so far?
ender - reconsituted or original? alvin - at what point? peggy - pregnant petra - pregnant bean - trying to come to grips with his entire life as a monstrosity, about to expire and meet his maker, and now thrust into some ridiculous affair. anyone else?
what's the most suitable location? there's got to be a key one somewhere...
posted
You know, this whole question still strikes me as impossibly silly, given that Alvin is -- by this point in the novels -- darn near omnipotent.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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Yes it is silly. Apologies if I made it impossibly silly. We can backtrack from the impossible into the merely absurd, if that let's your creative/fun juices flow.
Alvin isn't omnipotent. He's a fictional character. Perhaps he has some yet-to-be exposed tragic flaw? Maybe in the presence of so many pregnant women, he finds himself at a loss.
Yes, Ender can have Jane, but why did she transport him here?
posted
Nopes..Bean wins.. because Peter the Hegemon decides the outcome of all quarrels- and considering Peter owed Bean from buying lunch the last time they went out, he thought it would be a good pay back.
posted
I am coming to term! Also Catherine Zeta-Jones had her baby yesterday Jealous. I'm due tomorrow. Is it safe to transport babies? Wasn't there some rule in Star Trek about transporting being unsafe (otherwise it would be a great way to deliver babies). Or was that only a glitch on the one Voyager (which I never even saw).
I guess it begs the politico-philosophical argument of when a fetus has its own aiwa. We know Alvin and Peggy's baby had a heartfire almost immediately, but I don't know if that's the same thing.
I'm still struggling with the idea that Alvin and Ender could be made to think that each is the other's enemy. They both seem to smart for this premise to stick. Does this depend on knowing who Jane LeGuin is?
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
How about we have the Smackdown right here? Filetted, you can be either Alvin or Ender; someone else can be the other. We can do a turn based combat with everyone on the board having the power to accept whether the actions match with the characters and if not, another action must be chosen. You up for that filetted? Or are ya yella? Posts: 2 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
not yella, but I have to admit it's been hmm... over a decade since I read the alvin novels and nearly that since the ender ones.
I would participate under this initial conditions:
1. I play Bean 2. Shan provides sound effects 3. Pooka is fit to participate in some fashion, even if it's just from the peanut gallery.
If I can't be Bean, then I need a "training phase" of not less than one month to brush up on the other characters.
Posts: 1733 | Registered: Apr 2003
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and here's hoping no tabloid photos of you preggers, topless, and smoking on a balcony in mexico surface on the internet. (ref to zeta-jones that I heard on the radio this morning)
posted
Not to be too serious, but I don't think it would be hard for the two to be convinced the other was the enemy. Alvin witnessed a certain "Xenocide" at tippecanoe, and Ender commited a similar act. Though he didn't know it, he insists on taking full responsibility. So, all we have to do is tell Alvin that Ender is the tool of the Unmaker (whose true form is something similar to the MD device.) Ender would certainly not deny this claim, having come to terms with his crime. So, we have a face off between Maker and Unmaker. Ender, for his part, doesn't need to know why Alvin is trying to kill him. If the threat to his life is imminent, he will respond with the maximum force to remove the threat.
LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE.
Ender raises his flash gun, steadiess his aim, and fires, the red circle resting like a hot coal on Alvin. Alvin looks at it... Looks quizzically at Ender. Then Ender realizes Alvin isn't wearing a flash suit. By this time, however, the ground beneath his feet is shifting around so fast he's flat on his back before he knows what is happening. Dazed, he looks up and says "Who do you think you are, Lanik Meuller from Treason?
The Ku Kuei all laugh.
But Just as a tomb of earth is about to bury Ender alive, Jason Worthing flies in with Justice, who repairs any damage to Ender and crashes a ship right into Alvin's head. Alvin, shocked, only just has time to heal himself before he bleeds to death, but is suddenly so hungry and tired from the feat that he can barely move.
Luckily for him, Justice looks behind her to see none other than a disgusting flippered baby with sucking holes in its appendages leaving a trail of slime. It crawls on to her making her scream from the bleeding sores it leaves.
Ender, by this time, is completely baffled, but Baba Yaga walks in in a huge metal house and explains it to him. Something isn't right, though. Baba Yaga doesn't seem like herself. Jason Worthing is the first to say it aloud.
"Why don't you stay in your own form, Asineth."
Howling with despair, Baba Yaga runs from the scene.
The assembled characters stare at each other for a moment, thoroughly baffled. Suddenly, a massive wind rises from the west. A front of sand creeps ever so quickly upon them. Soon, everyone is knee deep in sand (except for the Eumenides, which is completely submerged.) Out of the wind walks Cer Cemreet.
Just then, Moses and Zephorah fly in on a huge dragon with glowing eyse that is carrying in its massive talons, a capuchim monkey speaking in sign language. Moses waves his staff and Cemreet is swallowed in the rising dune.
Alvin (who by this time has eaten a suspicious piece of meat from a friendly stranger with a futuristic looking shepherd's crook) points a finger at Ender.
"I don't rightly know how, but I reckon this is all your fault somehow."
Ender sits speechless.
Finally, Jane appears on the scene, projected by the holograph in Justice's wrecked starship.
"Umm. I'm really sorry about all of this, guys. I accidentally took Orson Scott Card Outside, and well, I guess it wasn't a very good idea. Anyway, I think you're here for good, so you'd best learn to get along. Bye."
And she dissapears.
So the company build a huge mansion out of solidified water and spend the rest of their lives joyfully, assembling together once a week for Anssett's concerts.
Whew. It's amazing what you can do when you should be studying for finals.
Posts: 894 | Registered: Apr 2000
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posted
Filetted, don't know about corn being husked. Is that your first move in combat or a midwest crack? I haven't read all of the ender and alvin novels but I have read most of them and I don't think I would need a MONTH to brush up on the characters. Unless you plan on reading ALL of the books again. Why don't you play Ender. I would think you would only need a few days to get into that role.
Since I haven't read all of the novels, could someone else be "dungeon master" and set up the location and means for Ender and Alvin being there? We would also need other people to play Alvin, Bean, whoever. If no one wants to then I'll be Alvin and open up a tankard of whoop A$$ on filetted.
Posts: 2 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Okay, if Idem's premise is accepted then this smackdown has to take place after the xenocide and before Ender finds the hive queen. What if Alvin is the interstellar captain who first shuttled Mazer around and is now heading the crew of Ender's colony ship? (having already used his powers to suspend aging and finding that being an interstallar traveller makes it a lot easier to conceal).
That also means there is no Jane yet capable of Inside/Outside travel. Petra and Bean are probably not present unless they later board a ship to prolong Bean's life (probably just Bean alone in that case, or with a newborn Beanlet) that somehow rendevous-es with Ender's ship.
Another idea is having this occur in the Giant's body sculpted by the buggers. Doesn't fit in with the book, since discovery of the hive queen soon follows. But hey...
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Ok first IdemosthenesI what have you been smoking. I'd like to get some and maby your story would make sense.
Second I like pookas idea about the Giant body it could be that Ender's pulled into a parrale dimnsion and forgets all about the fight after it's over. If he lives he forgets if he dies he's resarected and then forgets. Thus he pops out back at the GIant body with a scar he cant rember adnd continues with the story.
Posts: 397 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Idem's post featured the result of OSC going outside (via Jane) and everyone who would appear when he came back inside. I was surprised at how many I recognized, but not all. It would have been fun to see all the Barths (from short story Fat Farm).
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Overall, the Alvin books as a series is are the best, while the Ender books are the best individually. Posts: 4229 | Registered: Dec 2002
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*Shan whacks Nick with a feather pillow and runs screaming to hide behind . . . .oh no!!!! Whom do I hide behind?*
Posts: 5609 | Registered: Jan 2003
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posted
I really was just playing around. If this is meant to be a "serious" rpg-ish thread, then count me out. I must admit I always find those a bit silly. BTW, I'll give ten points to anybody who can tell me where all my references came from! Get one wrong, and I might just have to write a prayer for your death on an empty coke can and drop it into the Mormon Sea. (you don't have to get that one, it wasn't in the original post)
Posts: 894 | Registered: Apr 2000
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posted
Okay, Jane doesn't fully reveal herself to Ender until "financial advisor". Maybe our premise can be that in an early attempt to contact him, during his governorship on the Giant planet, she gives him this hallucination of the Giant's body where he fights Alvin. So is Alvin actually present on the colony and joins the shared dream or does he travel through time some other way?
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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Actually, I dislike the RPG thing. Idem, I love, Love, LOVED your post. Particuarly under the circumstances that it was written (much like my initial post).
I will lose your game. I haven't the slightest idea who these characters are, but I like that last guy.
"I don't rightly know, but I reckon this is all your fault somehow."
Dunno who he is, but he's a keeper. (don't tell me. no references please!)
Posts: 1733 | Registered: Apr 2003
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Idem. Moses, Zephry-whatsits and the dragon are gone. The capuchin monkey DEFINITELY stays. (if for nothing more than to translate to our viewers at home)
Posts: 1733 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
This thread had some funny moments. Another thread I wish were still around is gone, so I thought I'd bump this.
Posts: 2010 | Registered: Apr 2003
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Jealous. I'm due tomorrow. Is it safe to transport babies? Wasn't there some rule in Star Trek about transporting being unsafe (otherwise it would be a great way to deliver babies). Or was that only a glitch on the one Voyager (which I never even saw). 
