posted
jeniwren's thoughts are pretty close to what I experienced in high-school. But after high-school, it seems like the rules changed.
As long as we're dredging-up ugly stereotypes, one of the ones that I've found too commonly true is the whole "she's only looking for someone to fill the tuxedo".
In college, and I'll admit it was a small, conservative Christian college, 90% of my girlfriends were planning their wedding and only 30% had steady boyfriends.. none of them were engaged. It was so utterly practical and self-serving in my opinion. My backlash instinct was to elope, if I ever married. (I would have too, if my husband hadn't been so sneaky!)
My guy friends, when they talked about their girls, always seemed so insecure. They were worried about things I thought should be insignificant to a woman in-love. Examples: -"My car is sooo ugly! If I don't get a new one soon, I know she's going to dump me." -"I hope I can get an advance on my paycheck. She really wants to go to that new restaurant this weekend."
I wanted to smack them between the eyes and ask why they wanted to spend time with women that they assumed wanted them only for their financial assets and image.
Yeah- I'm a bit of a romantic, but I felt much more sympathy for the men than I did for the women.
BTW- Chris said
quote:Why do so many people completely freak out when they contemplate a man acting feminine, but lesbians are okay?
My experience has been quite the opposite. As an adult, I have never been with a group of people who had a problem with spending time with homosexual men. However, these same folks fear the lesbians they know because these women all seem so angry. Thus, yet another stereotype is born.
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quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do so many people completely freak out when they contemplate a man acting feminine, but lesbians are okay?
My experience has been quite the opposite. As an adult, I have never been with a group of people who had a problem with spending time with homosexual men. However, these same folks fear the lesbians they know because these women all seem so angry. Thus, yet another stereotype is born.
My observation is heterosexual men are more accepting of women who are lesbians than they are of men who are homosexual, whereas heterosexual women tend to accept (or not) homosexuality of either sex more or less equally. I can only speculate why that is. Could it be that heterosexual men are experiencing one of their fantacies (watching two women making love with each other) when they contemplate homosexual women? *But* when they think of two homosexual men they have a visceral reaction that is more like a nightmare as they put themselves in that situation?
As a woman, I don't have a reaction to either one way or the other. I don't put myself in either position, nor does either scenario fulfill a fantasy or a nightmare for me. For me, it is whater floats your boat as long as it is consenting adults who are involved.
Else, if one were to look at homosexuality logically from a heterosexual POV, then men should find homosexual behavior in men totally inoffensive as this would present less competition for the heterosexual man and likewise for the heterosexual woman to find lesbianism okay.
Posts: 168 | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
Pod, you goober, Deidre said, "I find it charming because it's so contrary to the stereotype and so typical of the reality...in my experience, anyway."
Don't be so jumpy, you little Pinko Commie.
As far as Jeniwren's original post, it seems to be that she absolutely wasn't expecting an entire spin-off thread to be created and so was deliberately exaggerative for effect. I think we all toss a little hyperbole (get it?! Huh huh, get it?! ALL??) to illustrate our points.
I can see why Paul took exception to it, though. It seems to be getting more and more difficult to find your footing, romantically, in this world. It's no longer boy-meets-girl, boy asks girl to icecream social, boy and girl fall in love over the summer months and boy and girl get married by next spring. Marriage is often considered optional, and cohabiting is extremely common. There are a lot of alternative lifestyles that people consider intrisic parts of themselves. Some people are just out to have a good time, and will deliberately mislead you in order to get you in the sack, and some people will deliberately mislead you in the sack to get a ring around your finger. It's kind of intimidating, actually, when you think about it. Expectations are no longer simple. And many scars are to be had within this world, for both men and women. I can see the appeal of traditional roles if, for no other reason, to turn something that's really complicated into something that was once simple, again. And maybe less scarring because the roles were so well defined.
Of course, despite the appeal, that didn't stop me from aggressively hitting on every guy I thought looked good in a pair of Levi's when I was a teenager.
posted
"Paul, I'd like to oblige you, but I'm in danger of breaking my first rule of being on online: taking it much too personally. This thread has come about as close to hurting my feelings as I'm willing let happen. Until I can be a little more detached, I'm going to have to step away. I will print out what you've written and read it a couple more times, and then reply at some later time. "
Thank you, Jeni. Thats all I can ask, really.
Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2001
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