quote: I like the beach, I guess. Soft-skinned boys, lightly muscled, toss footballs and insults over the churning surf. So oblivious to the world around them, engulfed in sand and salt and adolescence, so carefree. Young women stroll along the water's edge in brightly-colored bikinis, manicures glistening and hair neatly slicked into a perfect shimmering knot at the nape of their necks. They are beautiful and they know it. Sometimes a girl in a t-shirt and shorts trots along beside that tanned and slender figure - the former a quiet foil to the bubbly persona of the latter. She doesn't have that glow, but she's the one that always captures my attention. Couples twirl fingers idly, smiling -- like the boys they are oblivious, but for a very different reason. Babies, dogs, mothers, grandmothers, brothers, friends. Sometimes I join this cast of sandy players, but I prefer a place in the audience.
posted
Well, I havent been here for very long so I can't venture a guess at who it might be, but it seems to have a very soft feel to it. It reminds me of some of the things my sister has written, so I'd have to say it's a female author...
posted
Wow, I really like this one. Poetic with a touch of whimsy. It definitely captures the mood of a lazy summer day at the beach, one that fades into a lingering evening, perhaps with a bonfire.
It's interesting, but I have a hard time determining the gender of either the narrator or the author. The "soft-skinned boys" seems a sort of feminine turn of phrase, but it's hard to say. There's a maturity to the phrasing, but not one that seems impossible for a younger writer to achieve.
Not that I have a lot of experience with beaches outside of California, but it seems to be a better portrait of Southern California beaches than anywhere else I've been, so my guess is that the author is from down here.
My guess: filletted.
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quote: Sometimes a girl in a t-shirt and shorts trots along beside that tanned and slender figure - the former a quiet foil to the bubbly persona of the latter.
This line seems to reference to a previously mentioned single tanned and slender figure, though I beleive the tanned and slender figure mentioned is the "bubbly persona of the latter" that is being referred to. It was a little confusing.
I love the imagery, however. It makes me curious about the rest of the story.
And now another random guess, because I can think of three or four people on the list that are capable of it.
posted
It feels female, but SHY female -- someone who hasn't really partaken of the fruit she's describing. There's an odd hint of formality, too, that contrasts with the author's general suggestion of youth. (It's that formality, by the way, that I find a bit jarring about the piece; it just doesn't fit -- or else isn't quite languorous ENOUGH.)
I'm going to go with pooka.
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posted
I like this one a lot also. The phrasing and the things the author focuses on both suggest to me that the author is female, and the comfortability that the author has with the language suggests to me that she's an adult. Jeniwren is the person who I keep coming back to as the author of this one.
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posted
At least one author has turned in more than one piece, and as we get closer to the end of what I’ve got I’ll probably put out a call for more submissions, including second submissions if people want to keep going. So yes, repeats are possible.
All guesses so far are wrong.
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posted
Ah. Um. Er . . . I just realized I made a major error. I never added this person to the guess from list. Doing it now would give it away . . . do you all want to keep guessing, knowing that the name is NOT on the list, or is this round a do-over?
Whichever, please give the author some good critique, since it’s not her/his fault that I messed up.
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posted
I think this is a wonderful piece that could use some paragraph breaks to ease up transitions. The word choice is terrific and evocative, the tone soft and a bit wistful.
The writer is a long-time, careful observer, one with a strong academic streak. I get the feeling, though, that this writer is one of those "hidden gems" who speaks with thunder but creates with soft touches. I have little doubt that the author is feminine because of their choice of descriptive elements, but this is a side of the person that doesn't often come out, at least to us.
posted
I can't believe some new joiner who just got added to the list of players has been picked already, whereas some of us haven't had our fragments posted YET. j/k
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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I'm getting the feel of one of the newer posters here (like last 4 or 5 months perhaps), female, semi-quiet, but well known and comfortable enough to send in a story. Feels like someone in High School, also.
Raia, Ryuko, or Avadaru?
::shrug::
I'm horrible at guessing things so if I'm horribly off, don't feel too bad. I did after all say that Leonide's piece felt like a Motherish-Semireligious author. Posts: 9754 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
I like how the speaker distances him/herself from the goings on on the beach. At first reading the narrator's voice seems like an old(er) man or woman, but I wouldn't be too surprised if he/she is isolated due to a physical or mental disability.
posted
It seems a bit too introspective for the beach, to me. It almost seems as though the narrator is sitting beneath a tree in the park contemplating the beach. This is not a bad thing, but there's an exuberence missing.
I love the prose. It has a wonderfully soft flow.
Female, one who's been the "the former a quiet foil to the bubbly persona of the latter".
I'm about to make a leap here, though, because I have no idea whether or not this person is female
Edit: Duh, I forgot my guess Ryuko! (because she? guessed and is not on the list)
posted
I'd have thought that a person could only make one guess at a time, but I'm new to the game, so take that for what it's worth.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
You get 2 ˝ points. But only ‘cause I let you slide on the rationale of “stole it from Nathan.” Otherwise I don’t count guesses without analysis or critique. Which reminds me, I forgot to growl at you and Dan Raven earlier.
posted
Hmm. I guess I better start including the rules in each thread.
2 points for a guess with critique of the story excerpt. 1 point for a guess with reason for guess given. 5 points for correct guess with either of the above. Guesses with neither critique nor rationale get growls, snide remarks, or ignored.
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
Can I put my reason in now and grovel for the point?
I picked SM because you mentioned him in the thread title, which I took for an obvious attempt to be too obvious and hence throw us all off the track.
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Doing it now would give it away . . . do you all want to keep guessing, knowing that the name is NOT on the list, or is this round a do-over? ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
Remember to add folks on the list! (has a vested interest)
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j/k
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