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Author Topic: The Story Behind Me
Darth_Mauve
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Me and Behind, I just looooove the way they go together.

Anyhow campers, in another thread someone just got down on their cute little knees and....
begged me to tell them the story behind Darth Mauve.

So here goes.

A long time ago, in a thread now far far away, a group of Jatraqueros with Jedi names straight out of the movie decided to band together and use their jedi powers to save Hatrack from unsavory elements.

And they didn't even know me then. Though, truth be told, I am quite savory.

Any ho, a group of nasty Jatraqueros (I love the phrase JatraQUERos)took evil Sith names. The thread, now long dead, just became a list of who killed who and how.

I mean, come on, you've seen one guy loose his head, you've seen it all. And trust me, I've seen it all. Then again, I've lost my head a time or two as well.

Any who, while others used mostly "real" Star War's names, I came in on my own, the hidden Sith, the Unknown evil:

quote:

Darth Mauve

Oooohhh, look at all the big strong Jedi. Come over to my side of the force and we can have some fun. (wink, wink)

[Darth Mauve picks up his shocking neon pink light saber, and with his subtle wrist action, has it spinning]

I don't fight any scruffy princess, I'm looking for a queen. And I don't shoot any dull force fried lightening cutie. I throw color coordinated great balls of fire. Indeed, nobody flames more than me. Who wants to party?

oooops, left off my name:
Darth Mauve,
I put the Sith in Sittttthhhhy

What followed was everybody trying to beat on little old me.

quote:
Adi Gallia
::strikes down this new strange Dath Lord with a lightsaber::
Am I now ready to become a Jedi, master?

Darth Vader
*more heavy breathing* Yes, this new thing that claimed to be a sith lord was definitely more evil than even me or my master. If it returns, we will destroy it.

Emperor Palpatine
I have felt a large disturbance in the Force....
*Sees pink lightsaber*
Oh.
*Kills Darth Mauve for such shame brought to the Sith*

Ki-Adi Mundi
oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh- I wanted to kill him!

Mace Windu
Now, now, we can all take turns killing it.
Yes Adi, for being the first to destroy this... thing, you have earned the right to be a jedi.

Poor me. I really needed a hug from some brave, dashing, half-dressed hero.

quote:
Darth Mauve
But ho, I am more difficult to kill than that.
[swish, swish, flashes his light saber in delicate, heavilly choreographed moves]
I learned to swing my saber under the teachings of Zorro the Gay Blade.
Still, it appears I must go down before your combined assault. I've done run out of cheeks to turn.
I beg, please be gentle with me.
If not, I like it rough too.
To unite the powers of Sith and Jedi, I have done something strange indeed.
You have bonded together to drive me from a galaxy far far away, and from hatrack, saving it as was the Jedi charter when this site was founded. Hurrah!
Its good to know that something is more evil than Sith, more Alien than Yoda.
(The questions remains: is that Evil Alien thing me, or your reaction to me? Am I a true sith lord, or a jedi lesson in disguise?)

It did no good.

quote:

Mace Windu
::beats the cr@p out of darth mauve::

Ki-Adi Mundi
::decapitates Darth Muave with lighsaber,then mutilates corpse....... hehehehehe-this is fun!

Lord Bane
::Looks down upon Darth Muave::
Is this what my Sith have been reduced to? I have never been so..... violated in all the years since I Founded this order........ my question is, who the hell made him a Sith Lord? What kind of a freak would have him as an apprentice? I think we may have stumbled upon a greater evil...... one too perverse to be imagined!

Darth Vader
*even more heavy breathing. Uses the Force to lift up Mauve by the neck* We can now use it as a punching bag. *points at group of stormtroopers* You! Form a circle around the abomination. Let only one person at a time through. They may stay within the circle for 2 minutes, and they you throw them out, and let the next person in.

Darth Tyranus
::strolls in after much needed vacation and wonders what the heck is going on::
::resurrects Darth Mauve...kills him again::
better, but still something missing...
::chops off nearest Jedi's head::
ahhh, much better.
::conjures up some beers with the force, takes a seat and begins drinking one::
anyone care to join me for a drink? All Sith welcome. And I promise i won't kill you if you're a jedi. Atleast not untill after the beer.

Darth Vader
mmm. beer. *drops the lifeless corpse of mauve* Ok, everyone, party in my oversized hyperbaric chamber over there *points at chamber* so I can get this danmed mask off and have some beer!!

Darth Vader
[\quote]

I made the news:

[quote]
Dan_raven
NEWS ARTICLE: GFFA News Service
Sith Remove Priest For Inappropriate Sexual Conduct.
During a confrontation between members of the Jedi Council and the Sith Lords on member, claiming to be a Sith, was permanatly--and repeatedly--removed from the ranks of the Sith. In an apparently unamimous descion by the ruling clerity, one Darth Mauve was removed from Sith by force. Then again, that's how everyone who gets in the way of the Sith are removed.
Count Dukoo--a Sith spokesman, claimed "We don't have a 1 strike and your out policy. We struck at him as many times as we could."
Although many claim that he was no true member of the Sith, there is no question about his apparent evil. To quote one unnamed source "He's more evil than I am. He has to die."
Darth Mauve was unavailble for comment, seeing as his head was in one sector and the rest of his body, elsewhere.
Coming up next: Dating your spouses clone, is it adultery or just redundancy?
[\quote]

and

[quote]
NEWS FLASH: From GFFA News Service
Darth Mauve, Sith or Sick Fake:
After hearing from unnamed sources that the scourge of the Jedi Council, Darth Mauve, was in actuallity an imposter we interviewed this flashy force finagaler.
GFFA: Mr. Mauve.
DM: Call me Darth honey.
GFFA: Ok Darth,
DM: No. I said Darth Honey
Maybe we'll skip some of the interview.
GFFA: Are you a Sith Lord.
DM: Well, yes and no. I am Sith, but I see myself as more of a Sith lady.
GFFA: Many members of your order deny that. What proof do you have that you are a Sith.
DM: I've been fighting for the Sith for decades. I've always been a Sith hitter. Many of the Sith's trademarks were my idea.
GFFA: Such as?
DM: Capes. I was wearing capes long before that he-man Vader. And who else would have thought to clone a million burly men and put them in shiny plastic. Talk about heaven. You notice its an all boys Sith, no girls allowed, my kind of place. And then there are those Death Stars. I mean the name is a bit butch, but building two giant bal...
GFFA: Why do they deny you?
DM: Its my voice. The silly boys in black don't think an evil dark lord should speek with a girlish giggle. Men, can't live with em, but it sure is fun trying.
An unamed source with the Sith Lords (Name him and die a horrible death, but Hail Emporer) sets the record straight, as it were.
"This so called Darth Muave is just a nut trying to tarnish the reputation of a prestigious institution. Face it, he refuses to wear black, lisps, and feints at the sight of blood."
Is Darth Mauve a founding Sith Lord, or just a lisping lunatic looking for love? We leave that to you to decide.
NEXT WEEK: Hunting the Waskally Wookie.

Only two people didn't try to kill poor little me. Count Dooku came to my rescue and Ralphie caught my Zorro reference.

I love those two. Not at the same time mind you. Not that I wouldn't be willing, but well, thats a story for another time.

Darth Mauve
I put the Sith in Sithhhhhhhy

P.S. I am so vain, I probably think this thread is about me, and I would save my original thread for future generations.

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Youth ap Orem
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is 36 a landmark number?
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Darth_Mauve
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All my posts are landmarks baby.

And I do mean all my Posts

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Youth ap Orem
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I like the way you post [Wink]
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T. Analog Kid
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how many *posts* do you have?

and thanks... I'm glad you think my knees are cute...

</totally comfortable with himself>

[ September 18, 2003, 04:53 PM: Message edited by: T. Analog Kid ]

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Youth ap Orem
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Have you met Yoda? What's his post like?
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Darth_Mauve
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Yoda and I never did hit it off.

We went out once for drinks and some dancing.

He always wanted to lead.

Let me tell you, it was different. I mean he put a whollllle new meaning to Jedi Mind Tricks.

[Sorry, but the rest of this has been deleted. Try to remember, people, that Hatrack is not a place for sexual innuendo. If you want to talk about sex, find a chatroom.]

[ September 18, 2003, 05:30 PM: Message edited by: KathrynHJanitor ]

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Youth ap Orem
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I never really read your first post, but that one was funny enough for me to read the first one.
Have you had any encounters with jar jar?

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katharina
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Is this really the place for that kind of description? Children's eyes, all that.

If you want star wars erotica, I'm sure there are places for that. [Smile]

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Youth ap Orem
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Wait a sec... what forum is this? Oops [Blushing]
It's all Mauve's fault!

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Darth_Mauve
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Ooops. I got carried away.

Literally.

I can feel them kicking me out now.

Sorry for crossing the line

(but I will be back.)

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Kayla
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So, is it the right quote, or what? Man, ask for something and then never check on it. I swear, some people.
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Ryan Hart
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you know to write all this gay satirization is now gay in Canada.
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pooka
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Well, it certainly has demonstrated how violently people react even to mock mauveness. At the same time, DM praised the exclusion of women from the ranks of the sith. Sorry to get serious and all. But if that was what this was to illustrate I thought I'd point it out.
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Emperor Palpatine
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That thread was like, my birth thread, man.
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Erik Blackheart
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Well then, Sir! Seems the thread wasn't all for a loss after all!

Arrr!

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