But I can be thankful, because at least I’m not Sir Bedevere’s page. He has to double as packmule to Bedevere’s extensive wardrobe.
To sum up, our party is much larger now. Sir Gawain signed on at the first castle. Then Sir Hector. Then Sir Robin and his band of musicians. Then Sir Galahad. Then Sir Erik the Slain-but-not-quite-dead-yet. And finally, we pried Sir Launcelot away from his wife and horde of children. It was there I learned you could hang laundry off of battlements. All these Sirs and their pages. Sir Launcelot chose to bring his oldest as his page. A daughter named Jennie, who is old enough to be interesting to the younger knights. Sir Launcelot scowls a lot, I’ve noticed.
As we passed through the valley heading to Camelot (home at last!), King Arthur’s heavenly chorus started up again. I hate it when that happens. But this time it was louder. And the lovely British overcast sky was suffused with bright radiance. It was so loud and bright that we were all very frightened. You’d think that if God were going to speak, He’d do it quietly without scaring the hell out of all of us. But no.
The sky split open and a holy voice boomed from the clouds.
“Arthur! Arthur....King of the Britons!”
The brave knights of the Round (ahem) Table all cowered and shook. At His voice, they fell flat on their faces.
“Oh, don’t grovel....do get up! If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s people grovelling.”
Slowly, the brave knights of the Round (ahem) Table, stood up.
“Sorry...” quavered Arthur, turning his eyes down to the ground.
“And don’t apologize. Every time I try to talk to someone it’s sorry this and forgive me that and I’m not worthy and...” God paused. “What are you doing now?”
“I’m averting my eyes, Lord.”
“Well, don’t. I really don’t know where all this got started. It’s like those miserable psalms. They’re so depressing. Now knock it off.”
“Yes, Lord,” replied Arthur humbly.
“Right. Arthur, King of the Britons, your Knights of the Round (ahem) Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times...”
“Good idea, O Lord!”
“Of course it’s a good idea.”
Suddenly, the ethereal light from the heavens coalesced into the form of an iridescent chalice.
“Behold, Arthur. This is the Holy Grail, the sacred cup from which Christ drank at the Last Supper.”
The knights all gasped.
“Look well, Arthur. For it is your sacred task to seek this Grail.”
The heavens and that bloody loud music dimmed and quieted.
“That is your purpose, Arthur. The Quest for the Holy Grail.” Off to one side, a bevy of trumpet players sounded a triumph, a signal to the Knights to leap to their feet in inspiration, and all glassy eyed and awestruck, take off to fulfill the purpose laid so flamboyantly before them.
*****************
The first castle we attempted to check didn’t go so well.
We pulled up close to the walls and waited. Shortly, a man appeared at the battlements and peered down.
“Hullo!” called Arthur.
“’Allo. Oo ees eet?” said the man.
“I am King Arthur, and these are the Knights of the Round Table. Whose castle is this?”
“Thees ees the castle of my master, Guy de Loimbard.”
“Please go tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest, and if he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail,” Arthur stood with his shoulders square and proud.
“I will ask heem, but I do not theenk he will be very keen. He’s already got one, you see?”
“What?”
Galahad whispered loud enough for the people in the next village to hear him, “He says they’ve already got one!”
Silence.
Arthur spoke first. “Are you sure he’s got one?”
“Oh yes,” replied the man. “Eet ees very nice.”
Another man appeared on the battlements. “I told heem that we already got one,” said the first man. We heard giggling.
“Well,” said Arthur. “Can we come up and have a look?”
“Of course not! You are Eengleesh peegs.”
“Well, what are you, then?”
“I am French. Why do you theenk I have thees outrageous accent, you silly king?”
“What are you doing in England?” inquired Arthur, a bit exasperated.
“Mind your own business.”
Arthur grumbled then shouted, “If you will not show us the Grail, we shall storm the castle!”
“You do not frighten us, English pig-dog! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person. I blow my nose on you, so called Arthur-king. You and your silly English k..kanigits!” Then to cap it all off, the man stuck his fingers in his ears and blew raspberries at us.
“What a strange person,” Galahad observed.
“Now look here, my good man!” objected Arthur.
“I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal, food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”
“Is there someone else up there we could talk to?” asked the peaceminded, but now that I noticed, dark clad page to Launcelot, Jennie.
“No! Now go away or I will taunt you a second time.” The man sneered.
“Now this is your last chance. I’ve been more than reasonable,” called Arthur.
The man disappeared from the battlements and sounds of mooing and cranking could be heard.
“Now that is my final offer. If you are not prepared to agree to my demands I shall be forced to take...” Arthur continued reasonably. “OH CHRIST!”
A cow, bawling aggressively, flew over the battlements and landed square on Jennie, squashing her completely. A black fedora went flying.
“What a cruel thing to do,” said Sir Robin.
Bedevere began crying, and choked out, “It hadn’t even been milked...”
************************
Though I would like to tell you the full story of how scientific Sir Bedevere completely screwed up the retaliatory battle plans, suffice it to say that the entire encounter could be effectively described thus:
So we took to the road again, and got completely and thoroughly lost. It was at least two days before Arthur was willing to ask for directions. Then we encountered a previously mentioned character in the story, though only I recognized him.
He was down on his knees, trying to dig up the dirt with his bare hands and a twig. Not far up the road was yet another castle.
“Old woman!” called out Arthur.
“Man!” said the peasant.
“Man. I’m sorry. Old man, what knight lives in yon castle over there?”
“I’m thirty seven.”
“What?” asked Arthur.
“I’m thirty seven. I’m not old.”
Arthur gritted his teeth and said, “Well -- I can’t just say ‘Hey Man!’”
“Well, you could say ‘Mennis’,” answered Mennis.
“I didn’t know you were called Mennis.”
“You didn’t bother to find out, did you? It’s Mennis Miller for your information. But you can call me Mennis.” asked the peasant a bit testily.
“Look you, I’ve said I’m sorry about the old woman business, but from behind, you looked --“
Mennis stood up and held his twig aggressively. “What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior --“
“Well, I AM king.” Arthur stood a bit straighter.
“Oh very nice. King, eh! I expect you’ve got a palace and fine clothes and courtiers and plenty of fine food. And how d’you get that? By exploiting the workers! By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the social and economic differences in our society! If there’s ever going to be any progress--“
“Mennis!” called a young woman, who appeared on set on time, as planned in the plot outline. “There’s some lovely filth down here...oh! how d’you do?” She smiled at Arthur, showing all three of her teeth.
“How d’you do, good lady. I am Arthur, King of the Britons.” Arthur paused. “Can you tell me who lives in that castle?”
“King of Who?” replied the woman.
“The Britons.”
“Who are the Britons?” she asked.
“All of us. We’re all Britons,” Arthur replied gently. “And I am your king.”
“Ooooh! I didn’t know we had a king. Quit winkin’ at me, Mennis. It makes you look like a pirate.” She looked confused. “I thought we were all an autonomous collective.”
“You’re fooling yourself,” objected Mennis. “We’re living in a dictatorship. A self perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes...”
“There you are,” she interupted. “Bringing class into it again.”
“That’s what it’s all about! If only --“
“Please!” Arthur interjected. “Please, good people. I am in haste. What knight lives in that castle?”
“No one lives there,” replied the woman, as if it were obvious.
“Well, who is your lord?”
“We don’t have a lord.”
“What?”
“I told you,” said Mennis. “We’re a anarcho-syndicalist commune, we take turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week....”
“I see.”
“But all the decisions of that officer must be approved at a bi-weekly meeting by a simple majority in the case of all internal affairs.”
Exasperated and utterly out of patience, Arthur hissed, “Be quiet!”
“But a two-thirds majority ...”
“Be quiet, I say. I order you to shut up!”
The young woman sniffed. “Order, eh? Who does he think he is?”
“I am your king!”
“Well, I didn’t vote for you.”
“You don’t vote for kings.” Arthur gritted his teeth.
“Well, how did you become king then?”
Arthur took on a dreamy eyed look of fond rememberance. “The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held Excalibur aloft from the bosom of the water to signify Divine Providence....that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur!” He looked the woman in the eye and said, “That is why I am your king!”
Mennis replied, “Look, strange women lying on their backs in ponds handing out swords....that’s no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not some farcical aquatic ceremony.”
“Be quiet!”
“You can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just ‘cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!”
“Shut UP!”
“I mean, if I went around saying I was Emperor because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, people would put me away!”
“Shut up, will you! Shut up!” Arthur could not restrain himself, and grabbed Mennis by the throat.
“Ahhhh”, nodded Mennis. “NOW we see the violence inherent in the system.”
“SHUT UP!”
“Help! Help! I’m being repressed!”
The Author, unwilling to see Arthur work himself into a coronary, signaled the horde of black dressed spies on set, handed each of them their long knives back and smiled satisfactorily at their cloaks and fedoras. Much better than ninjas.
“Go for it, lads!” she suggested.
And so a screaming horde of black dressed spies rampaged in, stabbed Mennis two dozen times, then swept out as quickly as they had entered.
******************
CASTMEMBERS:
Damien, CITIZEN, dead of natural causes Eruve Nandiriel, CITIZEN, dead of natural causes msquared, POLICEMAN, killed by mafia Ryuko, CITIZEN, killed by mafia T_Smith, CITIZEN, killed by mafia Youth ap Orem, CITIZEN, killed by mafia Damander, MAFIA, lynched hansenj, MAFIA, lynched Head Ditch Digger, MAFIA, lynched Narnia, DOCTOR, lynched
posted
Welcome to the fold, MM! Do you think that the mafia thought I was the other policeman, and that's possibly why they killed me first?
Posts: 4816 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
I'm still thinking Blacwolve, Fugu13 and Jamaha based on posting. Of course, for some reason I have a hunch about Newfoundlogic.
Posts: 2848 | Registered: Feb 2003
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I rather thought Mennis might be our friendly cop. to m²!
I agree with Sopwith re jamaha and possibly fugu. I think blacwolve and nfl bear watching, but I'm not terribly suspicious of them -- yet, anyway.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
Of Course, My hat is off for you. You have done us a wonderful job, despite my slight misgivings earlier.
I really don't like this abstination idea, as I have said, but it may be the best way until we have good evidence from a cop.
I most certainly would not want to be the only one to vote and a lynch another cop, or townie. Boy that would hurt.
Posts: 2102 | Registered: Dec 2000
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posted
msquared, I'm SORRY for having suspected you. Now, I will vote for Erik Slaine because he acted very strangely (I mean, the thing about vote for himself... Suspicious.)
Posts: 3526 | Registered: Oct 2001
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posted
i just find it hard to believe that a mafiosa would call for his own lynching. i mean, i can see them supporting the lynching of thier own to cast suspicion away from themselves...but begging to be lynched because they don't like the idea of abstaining? that's worse for them than just abstaining, isn't it?
I'll tenatively vote jamaha because I don't see us abstaining, I don't trust his posting, and I don't think erik is mafia.
posted
If that was a serious vote, Syn, you need to bold it.
I'm assuming it was serious. And I'm very amused.
Do you really think I'm mafia? I was loudly suspicious of Damander -- mafia; I voted to lynch hansenj even before m² ID'd her as mafia. I'm curious what makes you vote for me?
I will also vote for jamaha.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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quote: Now, I will vote for Erik Slaine because he acted very strangely
Well, yeah. Like that's out of the ordinary for me?
I did suspect rivka on earlier days because she kept implicating me, but she is right about her voting strategy so far--Mafia would be taking a huge chance to vote for their own before they were announced.
I will join the call for jamaha to be lynched.
Posts: 1843 | Registered: Aug 2003
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quote: Well, yeah. Like that's out of the ordinary for me?
Point! Ok, you join celia and sm on my I'm-still-kinda-suspicious-of-you-but-you're-probably-not-mafia list. Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
Wow, is it possible that we're all jumping on the bandwagon a bit too early. I'm completely with msquared now so until I see good reason to vote for someone I'm abstaining.
Posts: 3446 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
Rivka, come on. There's like, maybe one reason to suspect me. Can't think of it right now, but I'm sure it's there.
Posts: 4089 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Yes, what is there to convict him/her of being Mafia? I'm really not sure who is mafia, but I'm not going to jump on this bandwagon.
Posts: 2102 | Registered: Dec 2000
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I don't blame the policemen for being quiet. I bet the policemen are afraid to come out because there's no Doc to save him.
Posts: 650 | Registered: Aug 2003
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She has consitently voted early and AGAINST mafia. She voted for HDD, she was the FIRST to vote for hansenJ and she voted against Damander.
I'm still trying to figure things out, but look at when things are posted and by whom, and it paints some interesting pictures.
Note also if you make the attempt, that any vote AFTER msquared announced the mafia for the day is unreliable for determining mafia.
And for Anna - Of course I'm quiet - I'm in a different time zone. This posting time is about the earliest you'll get from me, and by then, most of the voting has already been done.
Also, we haven't heard from the police today - they're obviously keeping quiet until they have more names, so the vote times for today may be a little more telling, if they're not going to be skewed by a police announcement.
Posts: 2245 | Registered: Nov 1998
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posted
Ok ok....lemme get this straight...is the from Monte' Python and the Holy Grail...cause if this is...some one has an super excellent sense of humor!
Posts: 13 | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
Rivka, blacwolve, Raia, and Zevlag are right to question whether we should lynch Jamaha. I haven't seen any reason to do so except that he more or less admitted to it in my mind.
Posts: 3446 | Registered: Jul 2002
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quote: Ok ok....lemme get this straight...is the from Monte' Python and the Holy Grail...cause if this is...some one has an super excellent sense of humor!
posted
Actually, nfl, it wasn't so much the fact that they questioned the lynching -- I agree that any evidence was slim.
It's the fact that three people who had barely posted at all until now, all objected, all one after another (with enough time between posts that it shouldn't look like it was a conspiracy).
Can't you see them IMing or emailing each other to the tune of, "Do you think it's been long enough? Should I post yet?" Because I recall doing something very similar when I was mafia two games back.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
I still don't see a problem with what blackwolve, Zevlag, and Raia have done. I would have done the same had Jamaha not said anything. No one has provided any good reasons to lynch Jamaha except Jamaha.
Posts: 3446 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
Hmm. I'm not going to vote today. If I did, I'd vote for jamaha like everyone else, but...I'll pass for this evening.
Posts: 1225 | Registered: Feb 2002
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posted
I think I will hold off on the voting today (even though it looks like jamaha's as good as lynched) and wait until the police have another positive mafia ID.
Posts: 233 | Registered: Sep 2003
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