posted
Arthur and his tired band of Knights, loyal to the quest to the end, passed through the Cave of Caerbannog after the Legendary Black Beast of Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggghhhh disappeared into thin air, taking its three dimensional meal with it. Gawain limped noisily, favored one leg for no explicable reason, except that it seemed to fit the plotline.
As they exited the mouth of the Cave, they found themselves in a breathtaking, barren wasteland. The land plummeted beneath them, leading to a steep valley that no Knight could hope to descend and live. Before them lay a narrow bridge.
Arthur whispered in awe, “The Bridge of Death!”
“Oh, great,” sighed Sir Eric the Slain-but-not-quite-dead-yet. Knowing that the end of the story was near, he knew that anything that had the word ‘Death’ in it did not bode well for him.
“Look! There’s the Old Man, who didn’t make it into this story, but was in Scene 24 of the movie! What’s he doing here?” asked Sir Bedevere.
“He is the keeper of the bridge,” whispered Arthur in return. “He asks each traveler five questions --“
“Three questions,” corrected Sir Galahad. “Why are you whispering?”
“-- I don’t know,” whispered back Arthur. He cleared his throat. “Ah, much better,” he continued in his normal voice. It echoed back to him from the vast abyss of valley below. “Three questions. He who answers the five questions --“
“Three questions,” corrected Sir Galahad, helpfully.
“Three questions, may cross safely,” explained Arthur.
“And if you get the answer wrong?” asked Gawain.
“You are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Heck,” Arthur responded while trying to get the censor out of his personal space.
“Uh...who’s going to go?” asked Sir Gawain, looking as little like a volunteer as possible.
“Sir Erik, you go. You’re not dead yet, after all. You’ve more lives than a bloody cat, mate, and it’s dead sure you’ll be fine,” replied Arthur, suddenly losing his regal mode of speech. It had been a long journey.
“Hey, I’ve got a great idea!” suggested Sir Erik brightly. “Why doesn’t Lancelot go?”
“He has to live to steal my wife to create a legend that will pass through the ages. Sorry,” replied Arthur.
Sir Erik sighed and gestured to his loyal steed, Muppet, who had a tendency toward sarcasm.
“Oh great, I get to go too. Thanks so much, Sir Erik!” she complained.
Together, the two trotted across the bridge, to the Old Man.
“Stop!” he bellowed. “He who approaches the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three! Ere the other side he see. Or she see, as the case may be.”
“Ask me the questions, Bridgekeeper. I knew I was going to die in this story anyway,” brave Sir Erik replied.
The Old Man drew himself up and recited, “What is your name?”
“Sir Erik the Slain-but-not-quite-dead-yet, and my faithful steed, Muppet, who has a tendency to be a bit sarcastic. I like her anyway though.”
“What is your quest?”
“To find the Holy Grail, and kill all the spies in England.”
“What is the capital of Assyria?”
Muppet, who had been silent up to this point, tugged on Sir Erik’s sleeve. They spoke quietly together, then turned back to the Old Man.
“Damascus?” they asked.
The Old Man sighed and muttered to himself about the ignorance of kids today. “No! Damascus is the capital of Syria. It was conquered by the Assyrians. But at least you didn’t say ‘Uhhhh, I don’t know.’ like an idiot.” He paused. “I’d’ve shoved you off into the abyss. You may pass.”
Erik couldn’t believe his luck, and attempted to embrace the Old Man in gratitude. The Old Man accepted the hug with forebearance then threatened to throw him over the side if he didn’t stop it. Sir Erik the Slain danced with his faithful steed all the way across the rest of the bridge. Muppet smacked him around a little, to no effect.
King Arthur watched all this, then gestured to his next scapego...er...Knight.
“Sir Fugu, the only kungfu Knight of the Round Table, you go next.” Arthur ordered.
Sir Fugu and his very smart steed, Pajeba, trotted confidently out. Their black cloaks swirled around them as they pulled out their dark glasses and fedoras.
“Stop!” bellowed the Old Man. “Who approaches the Bridge of Death, must answer me questions three! Ere the other side he see. Or she see as the case may be.”
“Ask away, Old Man. We ain’t afraid,” drawled the Kungfu Knight.
“What is your name?”
“We two here be Sir Fugu the Kung-fu Knight and this is my brilliant partner in crime, Pajeba.”
“What is your quest?”
“Well, if you think we’re after a stupid cup, you’re crazy. We’re lookin’ to moida innocent citizens, whats makes us mad.”
The Old Man nodded, amused. “What is the average air speed of an unladen swallow, any breed?”
The two looked at each other like this was the stupidest question in the world, then Pajeba replied insolently, “9.8 m/s^2, which is the speed it would fall once we plugged holes all through it.”
The Old Man smiled briefly, said nothing, but waved them through to the other side.
Suddenly, the heavens split and the sound of many angels beamed down upon the two knights and their steeds. God Himself peeked through the crack and shoved the clouds open a little more so he could fit comfortably.
“SIR FUGU AND PAJEBA,” called Almighty God. “THERE IS NO FURTHER NEED OF YOUR AGRESSION.” He paused and turned the volume down on the heavenly chorus. “Ah, that’s better. I hate shouting. It makes me cranky. As I was saying, Sir Fugu. And Pajeba. You’ve filled your roles well and pleased the Writer. As thanks, I am removing your obnoxious accents and sharp knives, though you’re welcome to keep the glasses, fedora and dark cloak as a parting gift. Save your murderous aggression for my next quest.”
Sir Fugu and Pajeba looked disappointed that they weren’t going to get to make Sir Erik really dead. But they handed over their knives and replied, “Thank you, Lord. Will you make us Policemen next time?”
Omnipresent and omniscent, God knew the answer but coyly winked at them. Then He addressed the other two.
“Sir Erik, as thanks for your good works in this game and managing not to kill any of your fellow citizens except for the Baron Feyd, who is wreaking havok here in heaven even now as we speak,” God rolled His eyes with impatience, “I am giving you back your E, so that you are not Slain, but Slaine. And Muppet, as Sarcasm is one of my least known virtues, I am adding it to your name, so that you will henceforth know My blessing is upon you.”
“Go forth, you four, and join my next quest as I call you.”
The End
-----------------------------
CASTMEMBERS and their roles:
DOCTOR: Narnia
MAFIA: celia60 Damander fugu13 hansenj Head Ditch Digger pajeba Ryan Hart Zevlag
<nitpick type="minor" reason="fugu is a math and physics geek">the speed was 9.8 m/s^2 (the acceleration) * the time since we plugged it full 'a holes.</nitpick>
Posts: 15770 | Registered: Dec 2001
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posted
fugu, this is why I never went to college. I didn't even understand your answer. LOL... So, as the one playing the Old Man: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiii!!! *flies off into the Gorge of Eternal Heck*
nfl, you're dead, you lost. Erik, sarcasticmuppet and especially fugu13 and pajeba all won.
I really couldn't give the win to the mafia...they got double kills two nights. And I really couldn't give it to the citizens, because in the crucial round, they lynched one of their own instead of mafia. That left us with a tie, not only literally, but tactically too. I'm sorry, all of you, that my schedule forced us to push the game faster than it should have gone, resulting in this, perhaps to some, unsatisfactory ending.
m2, you make these games very...interesting. I'm looking forward to when you are eventually mafia. It's a good thing Tea got killed so early...I don't know what I'd do with two totally insane players. celia, you make any game more fun. Citizen or Mafia, you add depth, texture and color to any game.
The rest of you, thanks so much for playing. Especially sarcasticmuppet for the idea of doing Monty Python Mafia. It was more fun than you know coming up with how to kill you all in that context.
posted
Of course, if during the tie you had just let both people be killed, the mafia would have won (the only citizen left would have been hit), or if neither had been killed the mafia would have won (killing off a citizen gives the mafia a majority).
But I agree, with the added mafia bonus it really would have been unfair for us to win.
Oh, a brief explanation of our answer: the speed of anything (linearly accelerating) is always it's initial velocity plus the acceleration times the time since the initial velocity was recorded. Given the initial velocity was too difficult to calculate (a swallow is a pretty small thing, so our slugs would have done some considerable damage and velocity changes) I just left that off (it shouldn't be a large part of the velocity, anyways, since there would no longer be horizontal acceleration, and air resistance would quickly curtail motion in that direction), and that left the acceleration due to gravity (9.8 meters per second squared) times the time since the bird had been hit.
Posts: 15770 | Registered: Dec 2001
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posted
Persepolis didn't come up in my research. Calah did, as did Ninevah. The funny thing about this was that when I sent you those questions, I assumed there was an actual answer...so I didn't even look it up. I *did* look up the airspeed of a swallow question, which didn't match what fugu and pajeba sent me, but their answer was so much fun (even though it's apparent I didn't understand it completely) that I couldn't disallow it.
*checks google*
Persepolis was the capital of the Achaemenid Empire.
Erik, I had you all set to be the Black Knight who fights King Arthur. But then you didn't get killed or lynched. So I kept saving the scene for you...and ended up not doing it at all. I also wanted to do the Ni! scene, but ultimately couldn't figure out how to make it work....no one dies in that scene. Oh well...
Posts: 68 | Registered: Sep 2003
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thanks, jeni, i do try to have fun. you're a good mod, i hope you have time to do this in the future.
pajeba, zevlag and troubs all played spectacularly. pajeba, i will be very wary of you in future games. troubs, i still don't know how you got zev, and i only barely got you.
and feyd. darling, sweet, wonderful feyd. thanks so much for the wonderful defense. and for not noticing. and, really, for just being so much fun, which would still have been true if we'd actually been on the same side.
erik, my favorite new townie. i'm glad you got to live. you were just so entertaining!
Posts: 3956 | Registered: Jun 2001
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posted
How fitting. It was partially my death that kept the townies from winning. And that was after I'd gone and said something about how I was nearly an effectively honorary member of the mafia in this game.
Good game y'all. I think a tie was warranted in this case.
And celia, you just better hope I never get to play the role of the SK. Muwahahahaha...
posted
Well, I'm glad I didn't end up voting for Erik the second day, in the end. Although I'd loved to have seen that Black Knight scene.
It figures I'd finally figure out who was really mafia after I was already dead. I was screaming at my screen yesterday, sure it was either pajeba or fugu. Until Patsy said something about teams, I didn't realize it was BOTH of them!
Wonderful game, everyone! Patsy, wonderful writing as always, and I laughed a lot -- a nice bonus for a game of mafia.
quote: I don't know what I'd do with two totally insane players.
Hey! On behalf of Erik and myself, I object! We were definitely insane. *pouts*
That was great fun! Even if I still haven't survived a game of mafia. Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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Rivka, there's insane, and then there's insane. M2 and Tea take Mafia Intensity to whole new levels of insanity. It makes for a very dynamic, interesting game to have players like that, but they can sometimes present something of a challenge for mod'ing.
I'm glad it made some of you laugh...I laughed a lot while researching and writing. It made me sorry I missed the Chicken Porn Mafia game last May.
I know it's a good game when the players scream at their monitors. Thanks, Rivka...I'm looking forward to the next game, sometime in November.
Posts: 68 | Registered: Sep 2003
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Now my delemia is how to play the next game. If I stay quite people will be sure I am mafia and lynch me. If I speak up they will think I protesting too much and lynch me. The mafia may hit me just to shut me up.
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Mwahaha ![[Evil Laugh]](graemlins/evillaugh.gif)
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So I kept saving the scene for you...and ended up not doing it at all. I also wanted to do the Ni! scene, but ultimately couldn't figure out how to make it work....no one dies in that scene. Oh well...
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<--see, you've even gotten Billy to smile.![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
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I was screaming at my screen yesterday, sure it was either pajeba or fugu. Until Patsy said something about teams, I didn't realize it was BOTH of them! ![[Wall Bash]](graemlins/wallbash.gif)
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