posted
Ok, let me start with the inspiration for this out of character peice. In round 25, a certain saxy player said "If celia wrote this I think my universe just might come to an end." which sounded far too much like a challenge. I thought it would be in the second season as I has submitted it so late. I'm sure you realize that means there is no more to show you.
This is a true story that never happened. Todd, a friend of my parents, did indeed rescue a kitten from a drain pipe when I was about 5 and gave him to us. I wasn't there for the actual rescue, but I was at the house when he brought the sopping wet ball of fur in and my father dug up an eye dropper to feed it with. It was far too small to be away from it's mother.
Todd did have exceptionally good hearing, but I think he was actually stopped at a stop sign when he heard Cupcake (because that's what I thought he looked like, a waterlogged cupcake) crying. Cupcake lived a very comfortable 17 years.
So, now I guess I should address your questions and critiques.
Dan, yup, you should have seen the first, this is actually an improvement. I think I'm covering more than I can smoothly convey in a single sentence.
Christy, I think that is covered in my explaination.
jeni, I don't know that there is a higher compliment you can give me than guessing David.
rivka, yeah, but as I posted, I am bothered more that I used 2 'but's so close together. The characterization is intentionally vague as I hadn't decided if I was using Todd or my father as 'he'.
saxy, danke.
scott, danke.
rivka again, I abuse the heck out of commas so I was trying to write in structures that didn't require them.
Scott, he heard it I guess I could have tried to capture all the details in the mental image I had, but I thought including discriptions of the car's open windows or trouble starting or broken radio would have been distracting and kind of boring.
Noem, I told you I'm mistaken for male all the time.
Icarus, first paragraph, yeah, I had to have him hear it. He did hear it, I don't know how. Second, see my description of the car above. This is my father's old Ford Escort, which always sounded like it was about to die. Yeah, it may not work well in a narrative sense, but, that's how it sounds. Thank you for noticing the intentional fragment. His hand, of course, from my vantage point in the car I wouldn't have been able to tell more than that he was reaching, and I like the sound of hand more than arm. Um, since I hadn't picked which he was, there couldn't be more of what kind of person he was .
Scott, thank you again for the praise. The narrator loves cats, is me as a small child (obviously not the car's owner) and thinks everything grown ups do is strange and magical.
rivka, i think you and i have different senses of rythm. "he reached his hand into the pipe" flows more easily to me than "he reached into the pipe" or "he reached his arm into the pipe".
erik, yeah, if i did try to expand this it would probably get dark real fast.
rivka, from my own experience rescuing other animals from the sides of roads with other drivers, i don't think leaving the car idling is uncommon. of course, maybe i just know people with crappy cars that are hard to start.
did i get everyone?
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I guess I could have tried to capture all the details in the mental image I had, but I thought including discriptions of the car's open windows or trouble starting or broken radio would have been distracting and kind of boring.![[Wink]](wink.gif)
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