posted
I feel like a jerk. I've been living in the dorms for months now, and the relationship between my neighbor across the street and her boyfriend (who is going to a school about forty minutes away) has been getting steadily less steady as the year goes on.
She spends a lot of her time in the middle of the night on the phone to him, crying loudly, as she's doing right now. Sobbing, coughing... keening... And even though I'm not trying to go to sleep right now, someone is.
And I want to take a shower, but I don't want to go out there into the public hall where she's decided to air her private matters. She usually can't talk in her room, her roommate's usually in there... But I think she's gone right now.
Ahhh.. I'm just ranting, and feeling like a jerk for not being sensitive to her problems. But it's always like this! Yesterday she was calling his school asking about transferring, and today she's crying messily out in the hall on the phone to him. It's this terrible up and down, this sinusoidal function of disfunction.
There's nothing I can do except kick myself for not caring about her problems... And it's a pain.
Posts: 4816 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
If it were me I'd keep ignoring her. But if I were not so dysfunctional, I'd get to know her in a general sense. The noise may not get any better, but maybe it wouldn't be as annoying to you.
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Ryuko-That poor girl-Here's what I think you should do-as cold as it sounds, she is disrupting you, and as far as I know, you may be studying. If you are studying, someone else may be getting a little upset too, you're going to have to report her to someone. You don't have to give up your name, but that might tip her off on how annoying she is being.
Posts: 2064 | Registered: Dec 2003
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quote: And I want to take a shower, but I don't want to go out there into the public hall where she's decided to air her private matters. She usually can't talk in her room, her roommate's usually in there... But I think she's gone right now.
So I read you initial post carefully, comment on it, and you accuse me of stalking? Posts: 2506 | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
I feel your pain. I had this trouble with my own roommate who would lock herself in the closet crying to her boyfriend in attempt not to bother me. She was a great friend and roommate, but she had horrible taste in men. He would hang up on her like 30 times during the conversation and if she didn't call him back, "she didn't love him" I always wanted to jerk her out of the closet and shake her!!!
The really sad thing is that she did end up transferring for him and got a house together before she finally had enough.
That's the joy and pain of dorm rooms, though. You get up close and personal with everyone's business just because of proximity. Posts: 1777 | Registered: Jan 2003
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posted
Last year my friend would always cheat on her boyfriend who went to school 40 minutes away and then tell him of her cheating and cry to her friends. We would all be telling her to dump him but she would say shit like, "But I still love him." I feel like people should just break up with their boyfriend/girlfriend before college.(if they are going to different universities far apart) I have not seen it work out one time. Granted my college is on the smaller side. But it usually never works out so well.
Oh yeah, he always came back like some sort of love sick puppy. It made me wanna puke.
Posts: 473 | Registered: Sep 2001
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posted
Yeah. I just heard that my father died last night.
Its weird. We've been estranged for over 25 years, and it seems as though some distant relative has died. So, I'm a little off-kilter as well. Not sad, just feeling strange.
Posts: 2506 | Registered: Jul 2003
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Eslaine-I'm sorry for your loss. I have never met my real father, so I can understand where you are coming from. The feelings associated with a man you never had a connection to, is, well, strange. Thankfully, my mother remarried a wonderful man who raised me as his own. I hope things went as well for you.
Posts: 2064 | Registered: Dec 2003
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posted
I was tempted to Dobie this with "Moosey tears and thin wails," but I'm in a pretty decent mood (which wasn't so much the case a week or so ago), if somewhat tired, so the timing is off. However, I do empathize with you, Ryuko, and hope that your living situation, expanded edition, resolves in a positive manner. And Erik, I feel for you as well. Estranged or no, I'm sorry you've lost your dad, and any chance of a resolved future, at least in this temporal world (don't know your stance on afterlife, nor with any definitive proof what the accurate stance on any afterlife is, but not gonna debate it here). Hugs, prayers, and well-wishes to you both if you want them.
quote:Its weird. We've been estranged for over 25 years, and it seems as though some distant relative has died. So, I'm a little off-kilter as well. Not sad, just feeling strange.
The oddness of my relationship with my sister has made this whole mourning thing nearly surreal. Sometimes I feel cold-hearted, other times I wonder if it's just honest conviction in my faith that keeps me from being doubled over in pain.
When it first happened, the wind was knocked out of me, but now I'm doing surprisingly well. And I wonder, is that a BAD thing?
People's dynamics are so different, and ways of grieving are so different, that there doesn't seem to be any standard or precedent for how you should feel when a member of your family dies, whether you were close or not.
You have my empathy, man. For all of it - the pain, the numbness, the surrealness, the legitimate or illegitimate indifference. For whatever you're feeling, I completely understand.
edit: Oh, yeah. And Ryuko - tell her to knock it off. 4 serious. People have a right to be as melodramatic as they want to, as long as their not doing it anywhere others can hear them. There are worse things in the world than breaking up with your boyfriend at the age of 19, and most of them aren't even enough excuse to keep people up with your sup-supping.
posted
Promethieus, I don't think your assesment is accurate. I think people who don't know what they're getting into should break up before having a long distance relationship.
But there's no reason for people who have made a decision to make it work if they're 40 or 100 or 500 (that would be me) miles apart and know that they won't see each other every day or every weekend to break it off. Ken and I have made it work for three years now, and our relationship suffered a little at the beginning, but not to the point where I was crying every night.
This girl is being melodramatic, Ryuko. 40 miles is not all the way accross the world. I'd tell her to take her theatrics somewhere else. Long distance only magnifies relationship problems, it usually doesn't cause them. So thier relationship was probly not too steady in the first place.
posted
Ryu, you have an RA in your dorm, right? Tell your RA that this girl worries you and that you think she needs help. Also, she is being disruptive. Ask the RA to keep your confidence, as you don't want to make the girl uncomfortable.
I've gotten involved in situations before, more serious situations of spousal abuse, but I think it applies here; and it's best to keep someone who is 'in charge' in between you and the person who needs help. It's best for both of you.
((eslaine)) I sympathize with your uncertainty and your grief. Whatever you are feeling, it is valid. I'm thinking about you.
Posts: 1545 | Registered: May 2002
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posted
The reason I have headphones at work is because of the girl two cubes down who has one huge, lazy loser of a fiance, and who has long, tearful arguments on the phone with him almost daily. She doesn't try too hard to keep it down. And if anyone asks, she launches into a complete retelling of every stupid thing he did and said in the last 24 hours, and all her witty comebacks. Bleck. In come the tears, on go the headphones. I suppose I'd have much more sympathy if I didn't have to constantly hear her gripe about how the idiot plays his X-Box all day or whines when she can't get off work 3 hours early. Ugh. It's like watching Jerry Springer without the commercial breaks.
Posts: 5957 | Registered: Oct 2001
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posted
Thanks for all your thoughts, I found them,well, thoughtful...
No fears here. I have just lost a distant reletive who happened to be a genetic ancestor. If I ever write that I lost my step-father--then worry. He is my "Dad".
Blood might be thicker than water, but bad experiences and time thin it. Stick with those who care about you....
And thank you all again. Posts: 2506 | Registered: Jul 2003
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I always wanted to jerk her out of the closet and shake her!!!![[Smile]](smile.gif)
