posted
I have been invited to a friend's daughter's Bat-Mitzvah this Saturday.
I have not been to a Bat-Mitzvah since I was about 9. (Well, I have performed at a couple of parties that follow. I once ran Sumo Wrestling at a Bat-Mitzvah. I have a strange life, but I like it).
1) What is a good present to give? 2) What is expected of the guests in temple? 3) Should I, being male, expect to wear a Yamuka (sp?) provided at the door by the temple?
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
1) Anything you think a 13-year-old girl might like. Or if you want to look smart, and keep the gift simple, give a gift of cash in a multiple of [EDIT: NOT 14, _18_, multiple of 18] (I believe).
2) Not to be disruptive? I've always handled it as if I were visiting another Christian denomination's service. Stand an sit like everyone else, but I don't pretend to know Hebrew, so I just try to read along with the English translations (which are somewhat confusing, I've found), while remaining respectfully silent.
Oh, and warm up your throwing arm for the candy
3) I always have, and it's generally considered good form, but you could always ask the parents of the kid.
The above is recomended for a Reformed, Reconstructionist, or middle-of-the-road Conservative Bat(r)-Mitzvah, as those are the ones I've been to. I can't help you with the more conservative Conservative or Orthodox services.
And I'm sure one of the many Jewish Jatraqueros can explain etter (or has already, before I posted this.
posted
Thanks for the help. Definately a reform or at least liberal temple, or it wouldn't be a Bat-Mitzvah. (Orthodox temples don't do Bat-Mitvah's. Girls don't get them, I believe.)
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posted
If it is really reform, you will not be expected to wear a kippah. But if they want you wear one, they will be provided at the door. You don't have to bring your own.
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posted
[soapbox] A bar/bat mitzvah is not something you "get" or even "have"; it's something you BECOME. It means you are legally (for most things -- some things are age 20) an adult, and responsible for your own actions. All that is necessary is having lived 12 years (for a girl) or 13 years (for a boy). [/soapbox]
That said, the celebration associated with this significant life change is very different in Orthodox circles for girls than for boys.
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posted
That makes sense. Bar/Bat-Mitzvah is a verb. I have heard the past tense used, "When John was bar-mitzvahed..."
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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It is NOT a verb. Only in the last 20 years or so has anyone tried to use it as one. It is not even a PROCESS, really. It's a noun, roughly analogous to "(newly) adult."
Would you say "he was adulted"?
A better phrasing might be "When Jacob had his bar mitzvah celebration . . ."
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posted
But you are using it as an adjective, the Bar-Mitzvah describes the type of celbration.
If it were strictly a noun we would say, "When Jacob had his Bar-Mitzvah."
However, when I replace the phrase with Adult, the sentence makes no sence--"When Jacob had his adult."
"Coming of age" / "Came of age" might be a better translation, but I run into the problem of that being a verb.
So what I derive finally is Bar-Mitvah = THe noun phrase "Coming of age ritual." The sentence then would read, "When Jacob had his coming of age ritual." or as you put it, "When Jacob had his coming of age ritual celebration."
Now I think I understand.
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posted
Dan, the noun refers to the person, not the celebration. The celebration marks the occaision of the person becoming a bar/bat mitzvah.
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Moreover, the ritual and celebration that customarily accompanies it (contrary to what some people's budgets for same seem to imply ) is fairly insignificant.
If a 12-year-old young man were marooned on a desert island and turned 13, he would be a bar mitzvah EVERY BIT as much as his twin brother at home who had a fancy celebration and was called to the Torah.
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posted
Pardon my ignorance, but what about the people I hear about getting their Bar-Mitzvah's later in life. (Yes, there was a Dick Van Dyke episode about this, but I have friends of my family who have had this done as well). Is this just a misnamed? They are being called to the Torah, but they had their Bar-Mitzvah with out ceremony when they turned 13.
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posted
A little off topic, but still mentioning...i think it's really cool that you are interested in being polite at a bat-mitzvah!
Posts: 53 | Registered: Jan 2004
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posted
Dan, while the ceremony does not actually change the individual's status, there's no question that it's an important memory for most.
As an analogy, for a wedding to be valid by Jewish law, all that is required is the bride, the groom, the person officiating, and a quorum (ten men). (And if I remember correctly, if absolutely necessary, it can be done without a quorum, although there MUST be two witnesses.) The reception, with a meal and dancing, is not required to be married. If it were omitted for some reason (I know of a story where the bride's father was on his deathbed, weeks before the wedding was to have been, and a bare-bones wedding was put together in a matter of hours) , the couple would still be married. But I imagine that they would wish to have a reception later. Not because it would make them any more married, but to share their life-altering event.
Similarly, if a Jewish male never had a "bar mitzvah," as the term is commonly used, he might wish -- quite reasonably -- to have a celebration at a later date. But it would not change his status. Maybe how he felt about his status, though.
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