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In the year 2000 I successfully predicted the outcome of the Presidential Elections. Now, before I go too far into how I went about doing it, let me assure you my methodology is absolute. I simply cannot be wrong.
I don't rely on chicken or ox blood to make my predictions (that's just a crutch many people use). I don't rely on my obvious good looks to persuade more gifted people to give me their predictions and brand them as my own. I don't even rely on the lunar phases. Now, I know this comes as a shock, and many of you have heard differently, but it's all not true.
In the summer of 2000, the Presidential race got very heated. It was very hard to step aside and remain unbiased. But, through all of the hardships I came out with my prediction of the next President, George W. Bush. Yes, that's right, I KNEW that old Georgey was going to be President. How you ask? Well, he's better looking than Al. Plain and simple, better looks. After all we are choosing an image to throw at the world of the American of the Americans, aren't we?
So, with this 100% accuracy rate, I have come up with a winner of the next election! Too soon you say? Well, have no fear, I have complete confidence in my choice. After some serious deliberating with myself, I have thouroughly checked the Democratic candidates: First off, Joe Lieberman, he looks like my grandpa, so no. Next Al Sharpton, he looks like a serial killer on death row, nope. Dennis Kucinich, plastic face, no. John Kerry, well this one was difficult, but after seeing him smile, uh uh! John Edwards, he's in need of some serious grey hairs. I don't want a president that looks only a few years older than me. Howard Dean, the dude is just creepy looking, I'm sorry, creepy creepy creepy. And last but most definately not least in ugliness, General Wesley Clark. His face is huge, and my wife has brought to mind his "catterpillar ewbrows." I have to agree with my wife here and say that the General is not going to be president.
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I agree with you Tom, he is probably the best looking Democrat right now. But, he just doesn't look 50. Maybe if he dyed his hair...
Posts: 1660 | Registered: Jan 2000
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Edwards is the only with a chance at beating bush. He's got that Clintonian swagger. But he would be well advised to go the Anderson Cooper route and dye his hair a bright shiny silver.
Posts: 859 | Registered: Oct 2003
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Actually, I'd really like NOT to see a repeat of the Gore/Bush debate debacle. As divided as I was, initially, Gore just would not stop pissing me off with his high-school debate tactics. I kind of expected something more statesmanlike.
Honestly, I think that's what the country needs right now — a statesman we and the world can respect. George W. Bush doesn't give off that vibe, and neither do most of the opposing candidates. (Seen the Conan O'Brien version of Kucinich, live via satellite? They turned him into a squawking rodent, it's hilarious.)
As much as I like Edwards' outward personality (and the fact that he announced his candidacy on The Daily Show), I'm nervous about getting sweet-talked into electing an inexperienced leader. I think Kerry actually fits the bill a lot better. He isn't attractive, but he's respectable, and he's been around enough to know how and when to compromise and take the middle road. I honestly don't know how extremists like Kucinich can stay in office ...
You know what Democratic ticket would really tempt me? Kerry-Lieberman, first of all, then Kerry-Edwards. Let Edwards get some time in as Vice President before giving him a shot at the big chair.
Posts: 1907 | Registered: Feb 2000
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"As divided as I was, initially, Gore just would not stop pissing me off with his high-school debate tactics. I kind of expected something more statesmanlike."
Seriously, Geoff, GORE pissed you off during the debate? Perhaps it was because I was actually in debate, back in high school, but I found myself practically livid thanks to Bush's performance. *laugh* But I suppose that's not surprising.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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Were you livid because he was inept, or because you saw him using childish manipulative tactics like Gore's?
Posts: 1907 | Registered: Feb 2000
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Childish manipulative tactics, actually. I was extremely frustrated by Bush's determination to manipulate the debate and ignore inconvenient questions; he was actively obstructionist, in what I still consider the Reagan vein.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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I did notice his question-dodging, particularly when Gore was asking the questions, against the rules of the debate But are you saying that Gore's tactics DIDN'T bother you? Was that just because you agreed with him?
Posts: 1907 | Registered: Feb 2000
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A quote from John Kerry's website: "Immediately after the election, John Kerry will name a new Attorney General whose name is not John Ashcroft."
Wow, for once, a promise from a politician that I KNOW he'll keep! Posts: 1907 | Registered: Feb 2000
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Gore's tactics bugged me a bit, but I've got to admit that I would probably have behaved the same way if my opponent kept avoiding any actual questions.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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I guess for me, Bush was embarrassing, while Gore was obnoxious. Bush's behavior seemed more like "Aaagh, I'm being asked all these questions and I don't know what to do!" while Gore was more like a smarmy high school nerd showing off how "clever" he is in an interschool debate tournament.
But that was just my take Posts: 1907 | Registered: Feb 2000
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At the time, though, I was really frustrated that I didn't have a candidate that I really, really liked. I would much rather have voted for a ticket with both vice presidents on it than one with either Bush or Gore.
Posts: 1907 | Registered: Feb 2000
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I loathe both Lieberman and Cheney, so you've got me there. However, I WOULD have voted for a Bradley/McCain ticket, had there been one.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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For some reason I find John Edwards to be very likeable and it scares me because the fact that he is so likeable gives him the best chance of beating Bush.
Posts: 3446 | Registered: Jul 2002
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