posted
So recently i decided to reopen a can of worms. A few years ago my friends and i decided to make my mom's desire to be more involved and informed about my world by having my friends randomly send her letters and contact her about the serious and ridiculous both. Well after a hiatus i've started again. i already have a handful of Hatrackers writing her letters and am anxious for more. So please email my mom. I only have one rule. no spam. other than that. anything is fair game. sex, drugs, rock and/or roll.
missyky1950@yahoo.com
i am probably eventually going to post some choice letters on here (as my mom forwards them with random questions and comments. you should hear the voicemails i get from mom when she reads these. its quite amusing)
so yea. email my mom.
[ February 10, 2004, 05:33 AM: Message edited by: Ben ]
Posts: 1572 | Registered: Jan 2004
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Dear Ben's Mom.... I just wanted to let you know how very special your little boy is. Ben and I first met at WenchCon. If you don't already know, WenchCon was a sort of gathering for almost nuns who decided to shun the ways of the church for just one weekend before saying their vows and proclaiming the Lord God our Savior.
So, after prayers on the first night we decided it was time to "order out". Enter Ben. What a man! Not only did each and every girl, including myself, decide against taking vows, but we also proclaimed Ben our new one and only god and have since started up our own congregation with hundreds of followers in 5 different states. All of whom have "reached a higher plain" with your son.
Once more, I must express what an honor it is to finally have words with the mother of the One.
I just wanted to let you know that your son's presence at WenchCon was greatly helpful to our political efforts. We have been trying to organize a viable opposition to the two major parties for some time now and Ben turned out to be a wonderful orator.
Something has to be done about the explosive growth of wenches' rights in this country. They are being allowed to vote and hold gainful employment and are doing so in great numbers, which is terribly harmful to the economy and morals of the great nation of America. We are grateful that you are willing to give up your own personal enjoyment for the good of the many by sending your son to this event.
I am hoping that in addition to the assistance of your son you would request that your husband send us a generous financial contribution. Something along the lines of $500 would be appropriate; more would always be appreciated but your son's efforts have already generated more revenue than we have seen in years.
Thank you immensely, Harold Mabus
Posts: 1041 | Registered: Feb 2002
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posted
Ben, did your mom forward my e-mail along with comments? Or did you only get voicemail about me? Because while what you told me about the voicemail was funny, I want to know everything she said. Posts: 3801 | Registered: Jan 2000
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posted
whoever scott nebaker is is my new hero. his letter follows. my mom finally began to warm up more after receiving this one.
Ma'am,
Recent events in the world have placed the United States Armed Forces on the brink of war with multiple nations. In a world such as this it is understandable that people will act defensively when our forces are sent into harms way. After multiple failed attempts to better understand our enemies we were faced with a total withdrawal from the regions that most threaten our great nation's security. On a whim, Intelligence Organizers from the CIA, FBI, and OSI sent their information to your son, with the hope that he might be able to reconcile the situation.
Ma'am, we would like to thank you personally for producing such a fine young man. Ben not only took this call of duty, he went one step further. Ben asked for and was granted free access to military supply centers and pulled together a team "of High School buddies" as he put it and was able to track down and exploit the location of Saddam Hussein. Leaving the United States Army to just open the hole and pull the former dictator from his hideout. Ben's actions saved the American People an estimated $15.8 million. His actions also bring a great deal of professionalism and credit to our Armed Forces which we hope to use again in the near future.
Most Sincerely,
Scott J. Nebekar
"...we know, there are known unknowns; there things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns -- the ones we don't know we don't know." - Donald RumsfieldPosts: 1572 | Registered: Jan 2004
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scottneb is his Hatrack handle, Ben. And that was just priceless! Actually, these are all hysterical.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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I just met your son about two weeks ago, and he is the stupidsexiest person I have ever met. I want to have his babies. At least, I would if I wanted to have babies at all, which I don’t. So you don’t actually have to worry about that one. But using my feminine wiles, I will convince him to marry me. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure he doesn’t neglect you in your old age. You can live with us, and cook for us, since I don’t do that domestic type stuff. I’m more interested in having as much sex with your son as is humanly possible.
I guess I just wanted to let you know that you did an excellent job raising a studmuffin. Now I need to hop a plane to Athens and make Ben a happy guy!
~some girl in Houston named Lindsay
Posts: 1572 | Registered: Jan 2004
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I'd like to know how Ben went from a kid that I was taller than to a six four guy who is a foot taller than me.
Ironic karma.
My only hope is to beat him in Scrabble.
Did you know he's completely obsessed with that game? I mean, he carries it around with him and hustles people from the street. Like he's a drug pusher, only the drug is a board game that requires a dictionary plugged into your brain.
I'd addicted.
My name is Jamie and I'm a scrabbleholic. This is all Ben's fault.
posted
No, pooka. I wasn't. Ben just told me he was there and I knew he had told his mom he was. So, it seemed like as good of a place to "meet" him as any other. Posts: 2064 | Registered: Dec 2003
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posted
Aw man! I'm caught! I am prepping myself for an interview I have tomorrow, any last minute pointers?
Posts: 2064 | Registered: Dec 2003
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posted
One more thing, that email needs to have the applicable legal rant:
The preceeding email document is fictional and is not endorsed by any form of the United States Government, its Armed Forces or its Investigative Offices. Any questions reguarding this email should be directed to it’s author.Posts: 1660 | Registered: Jan 2000
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posted
I feel like I should apologize for this random, slightly creepy influx of e-mail, though it is in no way my fault. Cept for this one of course. Hmm...An introduction is in order... I am one of the people who did not meet your son in Atlanta on Martin Luther King weekend. I almost was, but parental discouragement prevented my attending WenchCON. That said, I shall take this opportunity to express my deep love for the greatest, strangest food on the planet: Cheese.
Cheese is great.
So...Hope your day is going well I shall leave you now to your regularly scheduled e-mails. ThankYouHaveANiceDay.
It has sadly come to my attention that a certain "Ben Harris", allegedly your son, may have contracted a serious, albeit unidentifiable, Sexually Transmitted Disease at a certain gathering (codename: "Wenchcon"). The "convention" was portrayed to the outside as a political movement for Catholic Nuns. A hidden camera for a game show from hours earlier had apparently been left behind nearby, which is how we caught this all on tape.
It's unclear how many people had offered your son their bodies, but the number he accepted was staggering. We have obtained a urine sample from a low-end motel he is currently employed at (I don't only have friends in high places), but the results have yet to come. All we can do now is hope - hope and pray.
Unfortunately, for legal reasons, I am not allowed to reveal my true identity. If need be, however, you may refer to me as "The Dang Oat".
my mom is getting a kick out of all of these. she's like "well at least i know you are not dead! i love you! ~mom
[ February 13, 2004, 12:31 AM: Message edited by: Ben ]
Posts: 1572 | Registered: Jan 2004
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