posted
So I need to work on this essay for a possibly fellowship. I could really stand to have some funding for my research. I can teach to pay for classes, but supply money is getting harder to find.
The graduate office secretary strongly recommended that I apply for 2 upcoming fellwoships centered around diversity in engineering. Here's the basic requirement:
quote: Each require the applicant to submit a 500-word or less essay on diversity responding to the statement: Describe your leadership, work experience, service experience, or other significant involvement in racial, ethnic, socio-economic, or educational communities that have traditionally been underrepresented, and how these experiences would promote a diversity of views, experiences, and ideas in the pursuit of research, scholarship, and creative excellence.
By definition, am I not a traditionally underrepresented minority in engineering? Isn't everything I do an example? I like to think that doing the best job I can is the best way to promote, well, not so much diversity, but the standard I expect of engineers. How do I turn that into an essay that addresses this? Or should I just admit that this requirement doesn't include me?
I've never done the whole SWE thing or any organization centered around my gender (ok, I was forced to be a girlscout for a year, but I don't think that counts here) because they always seem to treat women as "just as good as men." My world view is more like, this is the list of requirements for being a good engineer, do I meet those requirements? There is no just as good as nonsense. I think that whole attitude perpetuates the differences in the sexes more than it helps create any real equality. If I wrote that out who would give me money?
[ February 28, 2004, 04:56 PM: Message edited by: Thunder's Core Smith ]
Posts: 40 | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged |
quote:Describe your leadership, work experience, service experience, or other significant involvement in racial, ethnic, socio-economic, or educational communities that have traditionally been underrepresented. . . .
posted
(I'm assuming you are white and female) what about the underrepresentation of women who are white? Or the situation of other groups where maybe the racial composition is there but the gender balance is not? Perhaps the need to track that sort of thing, since they could conceivably seem to be making headway but a lot of the females entering engineering turn out to be , oh, I don't know, Asian?
Do you have the stats on engineering yet? I remember the professional association had some goal of 50% women by some date. I heard about it back in 94 or 95. How they doin with that?
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
I think I would go on the lines that you strive to be the best engineer you could be regardless of gender, (but mention that you are a female) in the essay and just tell how you are trying to go about doing the best engineering research you can.
posted
I don't know...is there any way you can do research on the people who will be judging, to find out if answering as you describe will be received favorably or not? (I'm reminded of Heinlein's Number of the Beast, where Zeb got his degree by studying the professors more than material.)
Posts: 5948 | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
50% women? HAH. They aren't going to get there for a long time. First of all, all the old geezers have to die off, and many of them aren't really that old. Secondly the only place it is even close is environmental engineering. There it may be 50%. My Chem E class was running about 30%, but many of the other engineering disciplines are only at about 5-15% female.
posted
Saying this as one who would major in physics (and history too) if she were to go back to college, I doubt that number will ever be reached. Why? I don't think _most_ women enjoy engineering as much as men do. Should we force them to do something they don't like to meet a number?
I've met a lot of women in my life, and I haven't met even one who wanted to be an engineer, though I've met several men who did. And I hung out with smart, science oriented women. Chemists, biologists, quite a few computer programers, but no engineer yet.
I just don't think it is simply the 'old geezers' club that is keeping women out.
So I think being a woman engineer would add a lot of diversity.
Posts: 3495 | Registered: Feb 2000
| IP: Logged |
quote: Each require the applicant to submit a 500-word or less essay on diversity responding to the statement: Describe your leadership, work experience, service experience, or other significant involvement in racial, ethnic, socio-economic, or educational communities that have traditionally been underrepresented, and how these experiences would promote a diversity of views, experiences, and ideas in the pursuit of research, scholarship, and creative excellence.
Oh, boy. I am sorely tempted to make a snarky comment. :/
Anyways, hope you get the dough for school.
Posts: 13123 | Registered: Feb 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
I didn't say they were keeping women out. I said they'd have to die. The reason why they have to die, is because the numbers are really skewed from decade to decade as more women have gone in to engineering as stigmas have been erased. There are very few women engineers in the Baby Boom generation, but each decade after, I believe there have been progressively more. However the overwhelmingly larger number of men that are, means that I will be happy if the overall composition of women in engineering hits 20% in my lifetime.
Pooka, I don't have a link, but it's not a very large percentage. And it varies by major. As far as mechanical engineering students pursuing PhD's, I am currently the only female in heat transfer at this university. The last one graduated just before I arrived. There are a few female master's students. A quick glance at our research group photo shows 9 women out of 45 total for this area.
jeni, if only I had the time. There was some snafu on due dates and the grad office only sent out the info yesterday with a due date of Monday. eesh.
AJ, I think I will do that. Maybe I'll even post it here for comments. But right now I have to go take a test in a class where I am 1 of 2 female students.
Stormy, go ahead. Posts: 40 | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
You have been teaching. I would think being a female teaching the engineering students counts for something. Is there a way you can show that you have presented them a different view by that virtue? Maybe along the lines of what you said about females not having to be "as good as men", just having to be good engineers period. The gender shouldn't matter.
Posts: 221 | Registered: Mar 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
When I was in high school I thought it was a good idea to do away with racism by stopping gathering statistics. But later I was hyper-affirmative action. I guess now I believe in keeping the statistics and displaying them so that people think, but not employing quotas.
But yeah, the 50% women thing (I think it must have been by 2020) was roundly mocked at the time. So I guess my comment should be read in the voice when David Letterman asked that pork farmer "How's that other white meat slogan working?"
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Edit: Skip this post, there's now a newer version.
I sincerely hope this essay doesn't make me sound like too much of a sell-out.
Please feel free to comment, criticize or just flat out rip apart. I'm 37 words over the 500 word limit at the moment.
quote: As a female in the field of mechanical engineering, all of my professional and educational experiences are as a traditionally underrepresented educational community. I can best represent female engineers by maintaining a standard of excellence in my work, a standard I expect of all engineers, regardless of their community. With that standard in mind I focus on being the best engineer I can be, which includes how I can best work with other people. In the following few paragraphs, I will describe some of my experiences both with and as an underrepresented community.
In research, I have worked with groups diverse in both culture and educational background. By focusing on common goals and promoting the strengths of individual backgrounds within a project, a wide variety of viewpoints can come together to achieve great results. To attain such results, I try to recognize individuals and highlight their strengths with positive comments both individually and during group meetings. In my first year here, another student and I organized a monthly group lunch. Each month, a different student selected a restaurant with foods from his country to introduce to the group. These provided a means for us all to experience a bit of each others cultural backgrounds while promoting a group atmosphere.
The heat transfer group also promotes a sense of community with different non-academic activities. For the past two years, I’ve helped organize a group picnic at the beginning of the fall semester. These picnics are centered around getting to know our fellow students and include group activities, like volleyball, to achieve this goal. We provide a variety of main courses, including vegetarian options so that every student can partake and encourage students to bring side dishes as a means of bringing a part of their own heritage to the festivities. This annual event provides new students with a means of meeting current students and experiencing the diverse community that makes up the heat transfer group.
Currently I teach two sections of a 300 level laboratory. The lab includes five experiments and a semester long group project. As an instructor, I am responsible for ensuring that the students have a grasp of the theoretical knowledge required for the class and demonstrating any equipment used in performing the experiments. For the group projects, I evaluate whether each group’s proposal is both feasible and accomplishable within the timeframe of the semester and oversee each group’s progress throughout the semester. I promote diversity by being an effective teacher and manager to predominantly male students. Positive experiences with underrepresented groups are the most effective means of promoting diversity. Additionally, providing a role model for other students from such groups enhances their own confidence in their pursuits.
In all aspects of my professional life, I do the best job that I can as an engineer. Encouraging a mindset that expects all professionals, regardless of community background, to achieve great results promotes an equal playing ground for all individuals. Exploring the varied communities we all come from promotes a group unity that helps us accomplish more as a group than a collection of individuals. I strive to maintain the proper balance between these two concepts in order to achieve the greatest results in my career.
I really prefer writing technical proposals and being judged on the merit of my research ideas.
[ February 28, 2004, 11:47 PM: Message edited by: Thunder's Core Smith ]
Posts: 40 | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Hmmm. In the 300 level lab section, emphasize being a minority role model for other minority students - not for "predominantly male students."
You say, "Positive experiences with underrepresented groups are the most effective means of promoting diversity. Additionally, providing a role model for other students from such groups enhances their own confidence in their pursuits." They know this already. That's why they're giving out scholarships. Don't repeat what they know. Give personal experiences, specific instances, if you've had any, where a woman/other minority came to you for help and you gave them comfort/advice.
Do you know who will be reading this? If they're engineers, focus on problem solving! That's what engineers do, and coming from a different perspective/background will help you attack the problem a different way than the the majority of your peers. Perhaps read up on women who have solved problems in a unique way and give them as an example.
I would go over some of the grammar mistakes, but I think Jon Boy can do that for ya. Posts: 1423 | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
quote:As a female in the field of mechanical engineering, all of my professional and educational experiences are as a traditionally underrepresented educational community [the clause at the beginning of this sentence is misplaced, as the word it should be describing doesn’t come after it]. I can best represent female engineers by maintaining a standard of excellence in my work, a standard I expect of all engineers, regardless of their community. With that standard in mind[,] I focus on being the best engineer I can be, which includes how I can best work with other people. In the following few paragraphs, I will describe some of my experiences both with and as an underrepresented community[this entire sentence is unnecessary and too self-reflective].
quote:In research, I have worked with groups diverse in both culture and educational background. By focusing on common goals and promoting the strengths of individual backgrounds within a project, a wide variety of viewpoints can come together to achieve great results[Okay, there’s another misplaced modifier… try adding our between “by” and “focusing”]. To attain such results, I try to recognize individuals and highlight their strengths with positive comments both individually and during group meetings. In my first year here, another student and I organized a monthly group lunch. Each month, a different student selected a restaurant with foods from his country to introduce to the group. These [these whats?] provided a means for us all to experience a bit of each others cultural backgrounds while promoting a group atmosphere.
quote:The heat transfer group also promotes a sense of community with[through?] different non-academic activities. For the past two years, I’ve helped organize a group picnic at the beginning of the fall semester. These picnics are centered around getting to know our fellow students and include group activities, like volleyball, to achieve this goal. We provide a variety of main courses, including vegetarian options[,] so that every student can partake [take part?, and encourage students to bring side dishes as a means of bringing a part of their own heritage to=giving everyone ownership of] the festivities. This annual event provides new students with a means of meeting current students and experiencing the diverse community that makes up the heat transfer group.
I really like that I got to use the word partake. Do I have to get rid of it?
Here's the slightly updated version:
quote: As a female in the field of mechanical engineering, my professional and educational experiences are as a traditionally underrepresented community. I can best represent female engineers by maintaining a standard of excellence in my work, a standard I expect of all engineers. With that standard in mind I focus on being the best engineer I can be, which includes how I can best work with other people.
In research, I have worked with groups diverse in both cultural and educational background. By our focusing on common goals and promoting the strengths of individual backgrounds within a project, a wide variety of viewpoints can come together to achieve great results. I try to recognize individuals and highlight their strengths with positive comments both individually and during group meetings. In my first year here, another student and I organized a monthly group lunch. Each month, a different student selected a restaurant with foods from his country. These outings provided a means for us all to experience a bit of each others cultural backgrounds while promoting a group atmosphere.
The Heat Transfer group also promotes a sense of community through non-academic activities. For the past two years, I’ve helped organize a group picnic at the beginning of the fall semester. These picnics are centered around getting to know our fellow students. We provide a variety of main courses, including vegetarian options so that every student can partake, and encourage students to bring side dishes as a means of giving everyone a part in the festivities. This annual event provides new students with a means of meeting current students and experiencing the diverse community that makes up the heat transfer group.
Currently I teach two sections of a 300 level laboratory. The lab includes five experiments and a semester long group project. As an instructor, I am responsible for ensuring that the students have a grasp of the theoretical knowledge required for the class and demonstrating any equipment used in performing the experiments. For the group projects, I evaluate whether each group’s proposal is both feasible and accomplishable within the timeframe of the semester and oversee each group’s progress throughout the semester. I promote diversity by being an effective teacher and manager. Additionally, providing a role model for other students from such groups enhances their own confidence in their pursuits.
In all aspects of my professional life, I do the best job that I can as an engineer. Encouraging a mindset that expects all professionals, regardless of background, to achieve great results promotes an equal playing ground for all individuals. Exploring the varied communities we all come from promotes a group unity that helps us accomplish more as a group than a collection of individuals. I strive to maintain the proper balance between these two concepts in order to achieve the greatest results in my career.
quote:As a female in the field of mechanical engineering, my professional and educational experiences are as a traditionally underrepresented community.
David already said something about this sentence, but you didn't change it yet.
You are not a community. Your experiences are not a community. You could be a minority (in engineering). Basically, this sentence need to be rewritten.
Posts: 1423 | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
quote:I've met a lot of women in my life, and I haven't met even one who wanted to be an engineer,
You hung out with the wrong ones, then. The engineers are at Utah State. Half of my roommates were engineers. The other half were teachers.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
I'm trying to fit within their definitions. Does "As a female in the field of mechanical engineering, my professional and educational experiences are as a member of a traditionally underrepresented community" work any better?
Since I didn't thoroughly address your previous post, I would need more than a thousand words to adequatly describe any of those mentoring experiences. That, and I consider them to be too personal in nature to ever include in whoring myself out for funding.
I have no idea who's reading this. If you think that I think there is something inherent to my gender that makes my problem solving abilities unique, you have failed to comprehend my first post. There are other experiences in my past that I'm certain do give me a unique perspective, but they don't fit the mold of the essay and even if they did I wouldn't use them. There are some parts of me I'm not willing to sell.
This essay is supposed to be about what I have done. I think looking to examples of other women would be just the opposite.
And kat and Amka, we've got one each from BYU and Utah State right now. Both are MSME students in heat transfer. I definitly know at least one women who would like to be an engineer. Posts: 40 | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
As a really minor point, I think "As a woman in the field...." sounds better than female.
My reason - all the professional articles I have read in the last 12 months referring to females / women uniformly use the nomenclature 'woman'. As I said, it's a little thing, but I think that is the current trend in professional documents.
Posts: 4393 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Okay, I don't understand the first sentence. Aren't there too many "as"?
Wouldn't something like "As a female in the field of mechanical engineering, I have professional and educational experiences of a member of a traditionally underrepresented community" work better?
Not that I can correct a native speaker's grammar, but this way, I can understand the sentence. Unless you meant something else.
[ February 29, 2004, 11:44 AM: Message edited by: Kama ]
Posts: 5700 | Registered: Feb 2002
| IP: Logged |
quote:I'm trying to fit within their definitions. Does "As a female in the field of mechanical engineering, my professional and educational experiences are as a member of a traditionally underrepresented community" work any better?
No. The modifier is still dangling. The subject of the main clause is "my professional and educational experiences," but the modifier points to you. Your experiences are not a female. You are a female. It also sounds very weak to use a form of "to be" to link the subject to a prepositional phrase ("are as a member . . ."). I would simplify the sentence to something like "As a female in the field of mechanical engineering, I am a member of a traditionally underrepresented community."
Posts: 9945 | Registered: Sep 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
I was thinking more like letting you have back that soul of yours, but I guess I could spare $5.
Posts: 40 | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Wave]](graemlins/wave.gif)
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Evil Laugh]](graemlins/evillaugh.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[No No]](graemlins/nono.gif)
