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I'm actually incredibly shy and anti-social in person. It's not until I get to know someone that I act like I do at Hatrack (the get-togethers I'm anywhere in between, though a lot closer to my personable, willing to talk side). It's not so much actually, that I wont talk to people I don't know, it's just I stop so soon after I start and can think of nothing to say.
So here's my quirk, often times at get-togethers, meeting, activties, parties, or anything that has me and people I don't know very well you'll find me off in a corner or by a wall examing the structure, reading the signs, or evaluating whatever design was used to hold the roof up. Mostly just because those things intrest me more than people I don't really know... which kind of makes me feel like crap for not caring as much as I should, but I guess I'm just generally more interested in structure and ideas than I am in small-talk.
posted
My husband is intelligent, gorgeous, organized and a good son. He loves his dogs. He could care less about you being comfortable or uncomfortable. Suck it up. He's a "Northern" living in the South. He prefers staying home and mowing the yard, watching the Steelers and drinking beer to just about anything else out there. He loves boating, yet hates the water. He's an old man in a young man's body with the mind of a 14 year old. He's a brat! He calls me a "stinkin liberal". I love him.
My closest friend is a Ceramics Engineer who plays softball, golf and teaches basketball at the local Y. She's a recluse and a redhead. She's had one boyfriend that I know of, in college. She wears wrinkled clothes to work when she really should be more business like, because she doesn't want to get her good clothes dirty. She knows everyone thinks she’s a Lesbian. She could care less what anyone thinks about her. She knows who she is. She detests makeup or adornment of any kind. She lets me talk and talk and talk and she listens. She then says one or two sentences that make me feel better, justified. She's a mess. I love her.
Quirks are good. Quirks are what makes those we love, those we love.
Edited to add that I apparently, according to my lack of stating them, appear to have no quirks. I'd much rather talk about my loved ones than myself.
I'm no social butterfly myself, but my wife is, and I travel for business a lot, so I've had to learn how to survive at gatherings. My wife taught me that if I hide in a corner, I'm going to get chewed out later for being unsociable.
Just think, at any particular gathering there are at least two people who are seriously into cycling or whatever else you're into. Make it your job to find that person.
It's fun to watch my father in-law at such gatherings. He's a big fella, about 6'4", 300 lbs. He always finds himself chatting it up with other big fellas. It's easy for them to find each other because they're so big. And big fellas have so much in common: they've all wrestled with a bear or other large animal; they've all hit home runs; they all like good food; they're usually exceedingly easy-going...you get the idea.
Hanging with the big fellas and just listening is usually a good choice at a party. At least you'll hear some good stories.
Avoid the Little Caesars and Napoleon-complex types.
Have a few good conversation-starter-type questions to ask when there is a lull. I like to ask stuff like: "where's a good place to go for Italian food?"
Posts: 2655 | Registered: Feb 2004
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lol, AJ, but I bet you have fresh minty breath!
Hobbes, it is your responsibility to mix at parties, and be sociable. No shirking! Everyone is shy. This is a learned thing, like Calculus or something. You learn by trying, by doing the homework.
The best tip of all for enjoying parties is this: find the shyest person who doesn't have anyone to talk to and start a conversation with them. The trick is to get them talking about something they are passionate about. Then get a second person to join, and even possibly a third. Preferably after a decent interval, excuse yourself, go and refresh your ice water, and start the process over again with the second-shyest person at the party. See, you are being like a catalyst in chemistry. It's just like an engineering course, I promise! You can do it! If you learn how to do this (and it's lots of fun), your hosts will adore you, and you will help everyone have a better time.
Every now and then you'll be sucked up into a conversation that's so interesting that you won't be able to tear yourself away. Then you will make a new friend. Parties are cool. The shyer you are, the more fun they can be, because you will have that intensity that is what drives a really good party experience.
See my 12 tips for making friends, for more information about learning this skill. It's not a skill that you have any excuse not to learn. It's a required course at college. So just do it.
[ June 18, 2004, 12:28 AM: Message edited by: ak ]
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Back by popular demand, ak’s twelve tips for making friends
1. Don’t let the fact that you are alone stop you from doing anything you would like to do. Go to restaurants, movies, concerts, art museums, whatever you find interesting and fun. This may take courage at first, but gather your courage to do it a few times, and you will soon find it easy and natural.
2. Enjoy yourself. Whether you are alone or with others, be interested in your surroundings and open to new impressions and experiences.
3. Be interested in people. Lose your fear of strangers and learn to see everyone as a potential friend. Notice things about them. Imagine what it is like to be them right now, what they might be thinking and feeling.
4. Try to look nice when you are out in the world. It’s not that you must be beautiful to make friends, but groom yourself enough not to look scary. <laughs> The Charles Manson look isn’t conducive to meeting people.
5. Don’t limit yourself. Don’t think only people of a certain age, whose clothes are a particular style and whose hair looks right, are potential friends. Look at kids, old people, people of all ethnicities and cultures and in every profession and walk of life, as potential friends. After all, even if you are more interested in people your age, kids have elder siblings and babysitters, old people have dear nephews and grandchildren, etc. All people are connected. And all people are interesting and worthy in their own right, too. If you are a shy person, could it be that it’s really you who are snubbing everyone else’s overtures?
When people are in high school, they usually separate into groups like nerds, freaks, preps, stoners, band geeks, partiers, etc., and don’t often make friends from other groups. In college, most people abandon those categories and realize that there are interesting cool wonderful people under all classifications. The people who are the least like you are the ones from whom you have the most to learn. Be a xenophile. There are whole worlds of interest out there of which you may be unaware.
6. If you are shy, then make friends with someone who makes friends easily, and you will likely find other friends among their friends and acquaintances.
7. Be helpful. If you see someone struggling with something, be willing to offer your help. Don’t be pushy, of course, but be willing offhand to assist people if they seem to need it. “You look lost, can I help you find something?” “Let me help you pick those up,” (if someone drops something.) Hold the door for someone who has their arms full. (Here in the south we hold the door for everyone who comes behind us, but I know that’s not the custom in other parts of the country.)
8. Smile. (In an offhand way.) If you take too much sudden interest in a stranger, you will put them off, but if you seem friendly, but not particularly eager, you will put them at their ease. The smile you want is one in which you smile with your mouth, but not so much your eyes. The eyes should show benign friendliness only.
9. Ask questions or comment offhand about things of immediate mutual interest. If you are waiting for your plane you might ask someone if they’ve heard if it will be late. If you are at a concert ask who is the opening band. If you are in line you can ask how long the person in front of you has been there, how fast the line is moving. If you can make a funny remark about something happening in the vicinity, that’s even better. You can’t launch instantly into talking about things that matter. You have to talk about inconsequentia first. Anything that’s minor, and of immediate passing interest will do. There’s a reason why the weather is such a perennial topic of conversation.
10. Be friendly to all who serve you. Appreciate the people who wait on you at restaurants, check you out at stores, and so on. Particularly when you are traveling, they can be very kind and helpful.
11. It’s not about you. Don’t ever be offended, or hurt, or put upon in any way, if a person ever snubs your friendliness. They are a stranger. They don’t know you. Whatever their reaction, it most likely has a lot more to do with how they are feeling today, and what they have going on in their life, than it does anything at all about you. Be blasé about rejection. After all, with strangers, you have no expectation that they are good people, or kind, or polite. They could be afraid of strangers, or too busy, or in a bad mood. They could be anything at all. Accept that and don’t be worried or put off by it, but respond according to how they act. I’ve found that almost everyone is decent, kind and good.
12. Don’t get discouraged. It takes a lot of tries to get one hit. Don’t expect instant complete success. Cultivate friendliness as an attitude, an overall approach to people, and you will begin to make more and more friends. It’s a snowball thing. Give it time and be persistent. With practice and consistent effort, you will eventually get results.
I just want to add that I'm a painfully shy person by nature. Because of my job, traveling a lot, and other things that have happened in my life, (mother's insistence, for one) I just happened to learn this skill. Anyone can learn it. Like anything, you try and then screw up sometimes, and then you try some more, and get better at it. The most important thing, rule zero, I guess it should be, is just to have courage to try.
[ June 18, 2004, 12:38 AM: Message edited by: ak ]
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EW. I hate parties. Parties= bad music and torture. Quirks of mine- Strong obessession with music Watching shows I hate that get on my nerves to test how much pain I can endure Irratating crushes and trying to deny them... Fascination with things like-cool hats (and if anyone can get me an old brown or black fedora I'll be VERY HAPPY!!!!) Clock parts pocket watches marbles doll furniture miniature things in general
There are others...
All of my friends have interesting and endearing quirks... Which makes me love them more.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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I can't believe I'm about to do this, but I think it's for a good cause.
Whenever I'm at a loss for something to say, be it with my closest friends or newest acquaintances, I learned a trick to make people talk. I actually learned it from a new acquaintance at a random party, and after three hours of subsequent party conversation, I can tell you it works.
So you're sitting around, maybe one or two people nearby, no one's really talking, the party is elsewhere. Turn to the people by you and look at them. When they ask "What?" you say "Tell me something I don't know." You'll get confusion for a couple seconds, but reiterate "Tell me something I don't know." Add "it can be anything you want, but it's got to be something I don't know."
Works every time And you learn some crazy stuff, like the origin of the 10-gallon hat or how one girl was obsessed with Teletubbies. And once you start your fascinating conversation, other people will be jealous. Posts: 3932 | Registered: Sep 1999
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Banna, I was an obsessive tooth-brusher. I first realized this while babysitting my neice. She was a toddler and followed me everywhere. I would brush my teeth after meals, of course, but also after snacks. After a glas of milk. After eating a breath mint, whatever.
I realized how bad it was when I went to the bathroom to actually USE the bathroom, and my neice followed me and tried to get her little toothbrush-- she had been brushing her teeth whenever I did.
I've managed to cut down on it a bit. Posts: 1664 | Registered: Apr 2004
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quote: I'm actually incredibly shy and anti-social in person.
You mean unsocial. Anti-social would mean you don't have a conscience. I don't know why they made those terms so similar.
Whenever I'm at a party I pretend I'm someone else, but with the same name. It usually works out okay.
EDIT: Quirks: I found out recently that I have a whole lot of OCD's, which was a little disturbing. I guess that's pretty quirky. As far as shyness goes, I zip back and forth between neurotically shy and confidantly outrageous. There is no happy medium.
[ June 18, 2004, 12:16 AM: Message edited by: Book ]
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Only if you got it tattooed on your back in old english font wih the "I" surrounded by trees and tiny butterflies. Which would actually be very cool.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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Syn, I'm still working with maggots. They give me the willies. Once when I was doing my bug project for 4-H, I got a bug out of the kill jar to pin it. Next thing I know, there were maggots everywhere and all over me. I screamed! My sister backed away from me and wouldn't help. Fortunately, our neighbors who lived across the street rescued me. The lady came in and threw me into the shower until I calmed down a bit. I'm thinking they must have parasitized the insect or something and left because it was dead.
Posts: 3141 | Registered: Apr 2000
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That... is disgusting. I cannot even think about those things without ITCHING. Especially having learned something concerning Hiroshima and those horrible CREATURES! AUGH!!!!!! *runs screaming*
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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Hmmm....shall I showcase my fabulous collection of quirks, or simply reveal a few? Here goes: I have to have covers over my head when I sleep, even when it is blazing hot. That's right, I'll lay there and sweat to death before exposing my head...because axe murderers only kill you if they can see the top of your head. I also sing out loud a lot and substitute my dog's name in the lyrics...i.e. "Li - co - rice...when I'm with you, I'm smilin'"
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My wife and daughter always chide me for walking around the house with one sock on and one sock off. Maybe I only feel balanced if I'm unbalanced.
Posts: 2022 | Registered: Mar 2004
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I too can sit in the corner of a party for hours, but I rarely admire the architecture. Its people I love to watch.
I consider alcohol consumption one of the worlds greatest spectator sports. There is nothing funnier than watching drunk friends and strangers behave like idiots.
I am a fan of human nature. It is at times as predictible as architecural principles, but has the opportunity to be much funnier, and occasionally, much sadder.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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I'm very shy at first. I'm an extrovert trapped in an introvert's body. I'm kinda like an M&M. Once you get through the thin outer shell I'm all sweet and cuddly. I have trouble often with just me and one other person, but get me in a group of three or more I'm on much better ground. I love parties and gatherings! That is my element. I love being the social glue and/or ambassador.
Some other quirks... I HATE conflict. It makes me ill. This is a double edged sword for me because often I will not stand up for myself for fear of conflict. The benefit is that I am a peacemaker and try hard to resove issues between friends and family.
However this too has failed me as of late with my parent's divorce going on. I find that I cannot do anything with that.... especially because it is going on at the homeland. The best I can do is run away.
And that brings me to another quirk which is that I need a firm foundation, emotional or otherwise, before I can set off on something risky. I DO NOT take risks. This is also a double edged sword because it leads to paralysis when I have no firm foundation I can evacuate to.
But sometimes, firm foundations are just enabling my cowardice. When I'm actually forced to act, I usually rise to the occasion. I have to learn to stop being so dependent on them.
Other quirks... I'm a sci-fi NUT! My parents thought I had ausperger syndrom for a while. I can watch my favorite movies 3 dozen times over and it never gets old for me. Most people find this very annoying about me. Ah well... The blessing is that I can become an expert in anything I have an interest in. Shame that nothing that will make me money has my interest!
Posts: 4953 | Registered: Jan 2004
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I eat my toast with a thin layer of butter, a thin layer of jam, and a slice of cheese - usually processed American cheese, because that's what's on hand, but I also like swiss and cheddar (NOT cream cheese - people usually assume cream cheese, or ask if it 'counts' - not for this quirk, it doesn't).
I like cleaning and organizing things. Some people get antsy if they don't exercise all week (or all day) - I get antsy if I haven't done some tidying up. My boyfriend thinks this is weird, especially when we postpone going out to eat or to the movies until after I've cleaned something.
I can't sleep without the weight of a thick blanket on me. This was never a problem until I moved from CA to RI, and encountered humidity for the first time in my life. I've solved the problem by making myself a heavy afghan with lots of open work in the pattern. Heat escapes through the large holes, but there's enough weight overall to let me sleep.
I have a bunch of others, I'm sure, but I can't think of them at the moment.
Posts: 188 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Cool. You can come over to my house and organize things because it's hopelessly ungorganized. I simply cannot sit in a room without making it messy. You can tell what area I've been in by the- Books CDs. DVDs cups papers magazines netflix envelopes plastic bags envelopes in general
Litering the place.
I also must have music on at all times and i have to be reading some book at all times, even when watching television sometimes as my brain gets miserable if I am not.
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Whistling is becoming a lost art. Or maybe it's just everyone I know claims not to be able to do it.
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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I can be kind of OC about germs, but I still like to play with dirt.
I sleep with my thick comforter on all year round.
I tend to be quiet and shy, and then when I get used to people I can be talkative. I love being around people, but it's kind of hard when I'm not outgoing.
There's more, I'll think of them later (most likely at 3 in the morning).
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