posted
And so after many months away (and after posting only a few times, I am sure noone remembers me) I return to a great forum seeking a more permenant residence this time, and your thoughts on a matter (the following maybe written poorly as I am trying to write out my thoughts, please forgive me):
So I have about two weeks before I head back to school. I have turned down relationships with various girls before because I had no feelings for them and honestly I didn't feel like wasting my time just to "get some". Now I have been hanging out with a girl, she shall be called Sue in this post. Sue is going back to school as well. The trouble is that we will be about 4+ hours away from each other.
And be one traveller, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;
so do I take the easy path of friends and most likely regret not going for the hard path?
OR
do I move in the deeper relationship/love/girlfriend direction?
any advice at all is welcome.
and I - I took the road less travelled by, And that has made all the difference.
Posts: 21 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
don't make the mistake of thinking a long term friendship excludes you from ever having a romantic relationship. However, a failed romance almost, but not quite, always excludes a long term friendship.
Weigh the risks and choose what is most likely to get you where you want to be...
Posts: 3846 | Registered: Apr 2004
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quote: I have turned down relationships with various girls before because I had no feelings for them
I'm assuming you do have feelings for Sue, however? Do you know how Sue feels about you?
Seriously, in a situation like that, your best option is to talk to her, discuss the difficulties and how you might overcome them, and see where you go from there. If you're not at the stage where you can talk to her about it, maybe you should consider remaining friends, perhaps taking her on a date every now and then when you have the chance, and getting to know her a bit better. Starting a new relationship and having it be long distance right away isn't usually the easiest option. I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, though, just think about it carefully. Posts: 1431 | Registered: Aug 2003
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Seriously - Jim's got the best advice thus far. Fail a romantic relationship and a friendship is really tough after that. Some guys (and girls) say they can do it - but having it actually succeed is another matter entirely.
If there is not a clear, set end to when long distance becomes no distance, then don't jump into it. *Especially* when you'll both be off in new situations.
Posts: 1784 | Registered: Jun 2001
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posted
Captainmoriar, I am about to attempt a continuation of a relationship from 5000+ miles away... my advice is stay with Sue, if your heart tells you that is what you want to do! I don't think distance should be a determining factor in breaking up. That would be a shame.
Posts: 7877 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
Kasie's point is well made - trying to maintain a long-distance relationship without some form of committment or an agreed-upon ending point for the distance can strain even the best of people.
And while I have known some to make it work, I've known just as many who couldn't.
posted
I don't really mean this as advice, but I just wanted to say that I'd say in this situation, walking away from the romantic aspects of the relationship is the path less taken. The path more taken is to leave for college, filled with an ardent, burning zeal for the other person that lasts for about 3 months.
Ok, well, here's the advice. You're in college. If it's meant to be, then it'll still be there next summer when you see the girl again. If not, you're sure to find something at college that is at least as good, if you go there willing to see it. I'd say part friends, and, if you really give the college girlies your best shot and Sue still stays on your mind, then it's real. The problem that I think a lot of people get themselves into is that they try to protect the relationship by fencing it off. If you have to do that in order to keep it, then I don't think it's worth it.
Posts: 10177 | Registered: Apr 2001
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