posted
I'll probably delete this thread as soon as my senses come back to me.
Where is the line between respecting another persons beliefs and validating them?
While I try to be respectful of my mother's recent pseudo new age life style, I do not share her beliefs. I find them neither internally consistant or in agreement with my observations of the world around me. In short, my agnosticism leans more towards skeptisism when confronted with the possibility that what she holds might be truth.
However, she chooses to pursue a lifestyle strongly intermingled with her beliefs, so I don't openly disapprove unless pushed. I have listened to her accounts of helping souls move on to the next plane calmly and attentively. I have congratulated her on completing her energy healing classes. I have also laughed my ass off at her when not in her presence because, as Micheal Valentine says, it hurts so much. The part that hurts the most is that she is continually pushing that respect and trying to get me to agree with her.
I do not agree that those specks showing up in digital photos are the souls of lost loved ones.
I do not think she has a warm third eye, unless it has a giant blind spot over me, who she continually misunderstands.
I find it very unlikely that Jesus was a Reiki master and that handling chakras was how he managed miracles.
I don't expect her to see my point of view, but why does she have to think I share hers? If pressed, I have no choice but to be honest. The spots are caused by finger prints on the lens. If I paid your teacher enough money, he'd probably tell me I had all sorts of psychic gifts as well. What part of reiki turns water to wine, because that would be rather useful in trying to hold this conversation.
So, this isn't new. New is that I was foolish enough to ask her what she wanted for Christmas, since I've already got items in mind for my sister and step father. She wants me to get her a crystal wand to use in her energy healing work. Clear quartz would be best since it has the widest range of applications. From me would be the best since I'm in her blood line.
Of course, I can't just go out and buy one, one should come to me. If I just go get something from Spencers, that's cheating and it won't have any power.
But...if I don't believe, doesn't that invalidate it's supposed powers just as much? If I give it to her, aren't I, on some level, agreeing with her viewpoint? Or, knowing that I don't agree with her, aren't I mocking her with this 'gift'?
It would be so easy to go buy a quartz point and glue it to a stick. A gift that would cost less than $10 and make it's recipiant fantastically happy. And yet, I cannot help but think that giving her this gift would make me a charlatan.
Any suggestions?
Posts: 157 | Registered: Aug 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
I don't think I could do it. It would feel very dishonest to me.Get her something neutral, and if she asks about the wand tell her that none came to you, and you didn't want to cheat.
Posts: 1021 | Registered: Sep 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
I can't really answer the larger issue, but I do have an idea for your present issue. I would personally try and follow her instructions as best you can without being intellectually dishonest. In other words, don't go looking for the wand you feel would best do ... well whatever it is she wants it to do, since to you, none of them would work, but really it sounds like what she cares about is that it's from you, and it's special. So I would look for a wand you thought looked nice, or felt nice, or whatever, something you appreciated as a piece of art even if you don't think it would actually do anything.
If you thought what she was doing was somehow harmful, my advice would be different, but I get the impression you just think it's ... well, ridiculous? I don't know though, if you think getting her this will actually in some way be bad for her then that's a whole new can of worms.
posted
If it doesn't "come to you," I guess you don't need to worry about giving it to her for Christmas. If you worry about it, though, I think there are forces of the subconscious that will cause you to notice something you otherwise might not have. So for pete's sake, don't worry about it.
Lately, whenever I saw a KOHL'S sign, I wondered what the heck they sell. I thought it would be fancy bath fixtures or paint or makeup from foreign lands. I know these items all have similar sounding brands already, but that was my "assumption" as Xap would put it. But it never came up while I was on the computer. But while I was in Arizona I finally saw a KOHL'S ad on TV. Turns out they just sell, for want of a better term, "Yodas and sh!t." Then the next day, someone from KOHL'S department store calls my cell phone on a wrong number.
I manifested something much cooler while I was in the loony bin- a gold watch. I had been obsessing about it quite a bit and one day I went to get my pajamas and this gold watch fell out. I called it my "blue feather" after Richard Bach's Illusions It was about an inch too short, so I took this as a sign from the powers of the universe that I should keep losing weight until it fit. Being psychotic, I didn't realize that wrists are one of the more static of body measurements. Not surprisingly, one of the nurses recognized it and reclaimed it.
I think that is about the extent of my experience with mind over matter.
P.S. I forgot about the great conjunction of the Purple Turtle. That was at least as weird as the call from KOHL'S . But I wouldn't really call it mind over matter.
The thing is, she's already cheating by asking you to give her this thing. I mean, the likelihood of you not seeing a new age shop or crystals in a store in the next 4 months is really pretty low. Also, there is something about her wanting it to be the most generally useful that seems like cheating.
Would you feel less weird about going into a crystal shop and getting her whatever crystal you feel reminds you of her most? Is it really about the Reiki or is it about being asked for a gift with a seemingly demanding yet vague description of what you should get? Probably both.
quote: But...if I don't believe, doesn't that invalidate it's supposed powers just as much? If I give it to her, aren't I, on some level, agreeing with her viewpoint? Or, knowing that I don't agree with her, aren't I mocking her with this 'gift'?
I think you would be giving her what she wants to make her happy. If its all nonsense, so are a lot of other things, and why not let her get pleasure from it? Do you think giving it to her will actually make her believe you believe the stuff? Say something, like "you know I don't believe in this but I know you wanted it from me, and this peice of quartz looked the prettiest.
I think it is touching that your conscience actually bothers you about this though.
We do not believe in wearing crosses, but this is important to my brother in law and that is what he asked for. And that is what we got him.
To elaborate, I would go into the kinds of markets you would find such and just admire the prettiness. Don't think of what it is supposed to do. I mean, crystals are amazing and beautiful just for what they are, aren't they?
Posts: 438 | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
This is a hard question that I've wondered about. What does it mean when someone asks you to "respect" a decision you don't happen to agree with? I'm not one to try and dissuade their belief, but if I don't agree with it, I'm sure not going to pretend that I'm supportive if supportive means I have to help them along in it.
I do suppose AJ's advice is good - it's harmless, and humoring her isn't going to hurt anyone. I do this a lot with my mom's politics. I state my opinions every once in awhile, but when she really gets going and I know it would be emotionally upsetting for me to argue with her, I just kind of nod and smile. (Nodding and smiling along to talk radio gets really hard)
Hmmm... good questions.
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
| IP: Logged |
posted
I sympathize with this quite a bit, because my mother went through a similar phase.
I dunno if I can answer your more specific question, but if you ever want to just bitch and vent, and laugh with someone who understands and will not judge you for it, you still know my AIM name, right?
As far as humoring you, I have a couple of thoughts/questions. First of all, if you are agnostic, and a very Christian friend asks you for a crucifix or a bible, would you have any qualms about it? Personally, I find Christianity (or Judaism or Islam) much more rational and coherent than this particular worldview. (And don't anybody ask me to defend that statement, because I don't feel like it. ) But I think there may still be some worth in the comparison. Which kind of leads into my second question. Is this, in your opinion, merely a harmless delusion, or is it potentially harmful? If you see it as harmless, then I don't think you are being intellectually dishonest by giving her the gift she wants. You are not validating her belief, you are giving her what she is asking for. You are not even validating her belief if you wait for one to "come to" you--because in this case your gift to her is not just the physical object, but performing a series of actions as she wants them even though they seem stupid to you. (As long as she doesn't ask you to meditate over them or something; I can see how that could be intellectually dishonest.) If you think this worldview is potentially harmful, and I can certainly see that you might--it was in my mother's case--then that's different. Then it's not humoring, it's enabling, and you don't want to do that.
I don't know if the above helps; those are just my muddled thoughts. But the offer of a sympathetic virtual ear is a genuine one. (Plus, I miss chatting with you anyway! )
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
Give her the wand and tell her that you are uncomfortable talking about spiritual things at the moment, that you respect her own desire to better herself and love her for it, but you can't share in what she's doing right now. Tell her that there are lots of other things to talk about, that you want to talk to her, but talking about her spirituality makes you uncomfortable because of where you're at and efforts on her part to force her beliefs on you will result in less conversation because you refuse to discuss these things with her.
This assumes that her beliefs are harmless. I'm kind of familiar with new age stuff and most of the stuff is harmless. As long as she doesn't physically endanger herself by, for instance, not seeking real medical help when she needs it, let her see where this takes her.
If I may be permitted to extrapolate a little from what you said, the main thing I would be worried about is that your mother will fall under the control of someone who doesn't have her best interests at heart. Your mother is seeking and is experimenting. This puts her in a vulnerable position that can be abused by others. Keep an eye on her.
Posts: 13123 | Registered: Feb 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
I would not buy the gift. I agree that it would be tantamount to acceptance of something you don't believe in. that's just me, of course.
I'd get her a very nice, well thought out gift that had nothing to do with her new age beliefs.
I personally would never ask a person that didn't share our Christian beliefs to get me or my kids something overtly Christian and I wouldn't expect them to if they didn't share my beliefs.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
| IP: Logged |
quote: So I would look for a wand you thought looked nice, or felt nice, or whatever, something you appreciated as a piece of art even if you don't think it would actually do anything.
You know that Rainsong that Bill wants so much? I think suggestion would be equivalent to giving him a ukelele. To her this is a serious tool of the trade.
quote: If you worry about it, though, I think there are forces of the subconscious that will cause you to notice something you otherwise might not have. So for pete's sake, don't worry about it.
Thanks, pooka. You've made my morning. But then you had to go and contribute serious stuff.
quote: The thing is, she's already cheating by asking you to give her this thing. I mean, the likelihood of you not seeing a new age shop or crystals in a store in the next 4 months is really pretty low. Also, there is something about her wanting it to be the most generally useful that seems like cheating.
Would you feel less weird about going into a crystal shop and getting her whatever crystal you feel reminds you of her most? Is it really about the Reiki or is it about being asked for a gift with a seemingly demanding yet vague description of what you should get? Probably both.
I live in Indiana. New age shop means tie-dyed skirts here. I did go and look in one of the local shops that has a room full of crystals, but that was a very deliberate act in order to gage prices.
Just getting her some crystal I thought was pretty is something I probably would do without being asked. I can handle vague demand, I thrive on vague demands. "I would like a sweater, but not an old lady sweater," was really the kind of answer I was hoping I'd get from her.
quote: Do you think giving it to her will actually make her believe you believe the stuff?
Yes.
quote: Don't think of what it is supposed to do. I mean, crystals are amazing and beautiful just for what they are, aren't they?
This is actually the mindset I've been trying to take, but having gotten the request, it is dishonest to pretend not to know what it's going to be used for.
Annie, I do enough nodding and smiling. What if your mother handed you a petition and asked you to sign it?
quote: Do Reiki masters really celebrate Christmas? Or do they see it as harmless and pleasant?
Ah, but I did say pseudo new age. She still considers herself to be very much a Christian. She goes to church every Sunday and serves on fellowship committees. Of course Christ died so that we might have life eternal, but the Bible is not a complete set of teachings of his wisdom.
Icky, thanks so much for posting. I miss you too, but my internet connection is so sporadic that I just don't bother to open trillian. That, and I should really be working.
quote: First of all, if you are agnostic, and a very Christian friend asks you for a crucifix or a bible, would you have any qualms about it?
It would really depend. Is that friend requesting my help in locating a copy of a very specific edition of the Bible? I kind of enjoy helping people track down specific books, but just being asked to get them a bible would really rub me wrong. If they asked me for a crucifix that was representative of a place I was visiting (like the green and gold ones that we saw everywhere in Ireland or the very mexican inspired painted ones from the San Diego mission, I wouldn't mind at all. If they asked me for one to replace their current one and made it very clear to me that the intended purpose of this gift was performing the stations of the cross and that it was important that it come from me, I think I'd have one less friend. I'm not exactly sure where the line is on that. I do know there is a line.
quote: Is this, in your opinion, merely a harmless delusion, or is it potentially harmful?
Honestly, I don't know. On a trip to England, she had an episode that sounded a lot like a stroke to me, but she claims was a migrain. It took about a month for us (myself, sister, and several of her friends, including the pagan who had to higher people to get rid of the souls that manifested themselves in her shop) to convince her to actually see a doctor. I could call that harmful, but she does get migrains, and her traveling companions' observations were all I had to compare her own account to. She does still go and see her doctor when she thinks she is sick.
On a psychological level, I really am not qualified to judge. She said that her epiphany on her pilgimage to England was that she had to let go of her Earthly mother and embrass mother Earth. Her act of letting go was to leave her mother's ashes in a place she thought she would have liked to have seen in life. However, this act has not helped her let go of any of the anger or guilt she has associated with her mother for most of her life. Embracing mother Earth is something we'll have to discuss in private as I am already well over my comfort level for posting in public. Anyway, I think this epiphany, however arrived at has some validity. I think that getting past her mother's death and letting go of all the negativity associated therein would be good for her, but her oversimplified approach of actually, physically discarding her ashes has not had this effect. Is it harmful?
quote: As long as she doesn't ask you to meditate over them or something; I can see how that could be intellectually dishonest.
Funny you should mention that. She said that these things come to people who try to get in touch with nature through meditation.
I miss you to.
quote: You know, one might come to you by December. What was your address again?
But if I gave you my address, I would be acting to bring one to me. You'll have to get it from someone else.
Belle, apparently it is me as well.
And Annie was somewhere in there with a generality about how to respect what you don't agree with, right? To me, it's the same concept as supporting the troops without supporting the war. Only on a much more individual level. There is no person who's interpretation of the world exactly matches my own and if I were to restrict my emotional attachments to just the people I agreed with all the time, I would be a pretty lonely person (actually, I would be a gorgeous, lonely person, teehee). To use an example that might be more you specific, I totally support your decision to go on a mission. I think it's safe to say that I don't share your beliefs, but this is something you've put considerable thought into and very much feel to be important. Is this the same as saying that you should ring my doorbell or even call the local ward up and tell them to send missionaries? Um, if it is, then I have failed to make my point.
Posts: 318 | Registered: Apr 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
Just admit that you're scared she'e going to use this wand to cast a spell on you and bring you into the fold. Everyone knows the spell is more potent if the wand comes from the castee.
Posts: 4625 | Registered: Jul 2002
| IP: Logged |
I think I'm with Belle on this. Getting her a wand is tantamount to somehow supporting something that you can't wrap your conscience around. So...is there anything ELSE she might want, not related to the new age stuff?
Posts: 14745 | Registered: Dec 1999
| IP: Logged |
posted
Ok I didn't realize that she would view you getting her the wand as an endorsement of what she believes. In that case, I think its horribly manipulative of her to go this roundabout way to try to get you to believe what she believes and totally understand the squickiness that I didn't before.
I do think you should tell her she's *not* getting what she asked for before Christmas, so she can make arrangements to get her own wand via your sister or whatever. And maybe if you tell her she isn't getting that becuase you just can't feel spiritually comfortable about it, she'll take it as a sign you weren't supposesd to get it for her in the first place since you can't *believe*. And hopefully she'd be willing to give you another christmas suggestion.
posted
I don't know what Lafayette is like, but I've never lived in a place where crystals were just lying around on the ground, so if someone told me to get them a crystal without specifically acting to get it I'd have a hard time fulfilling their request. I mean, I'd have a hard time finding a crystal even if I went hiking every day with the specific intent of finding one, so expecting me to just happen across one that wasn't in some store would be pretty much impossible.
Posts: 4534 | Registered: Jan 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
But if she tells her that she isn't getting her the wand so she can make other arrangements, then her Mom will be actively working at getting the wand. The more she tries to get it, the less useful it will be. But if she doesn't try to get it, no one will ever get it for her.
BTW, I think that belt sander is meant for me. Check the name on the cards again.
Posts: 4625 | Registered: Jul 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
Sheesh Tick, don't you know anything about tools. You cut off the end of the belt with a belt saw. The belt sander is simply to smooth off the edge when you're done.
Posts: 4625 | Registered: Jul 2002
| IP: Logged |
my sister's approach to this has been to denounce every new age thought my mother voices as "devil worship." she doesn't actually think this, but has decided this is the easiest way to not have to deal with it while living under the same roof. maybe she should ask our brother.
and i don't think that buying a crystal would be out of bounds so long as i found it accidentally while looking for something else. i had asked the only person i know that might have been able to clarify where to get a wand and was told that i should make one. or if i stumbled across a gem shop i'd never known was there. like that music store in discworld.
AJ: that's a good idea about letting her know, but I might need Katie to write the appropriately polite email. She and my sister are fighting about other stuff at the moment and both complained to me. I told them both exactly why they are each behaving like children and now mom's also mad at me. I'm sure that any reply I send her will be interpretted as a response to that arguement, since this is how my mother's mind works. She once decided that my sister was deeply offended about not being a bridesmaid and that the only reason I hadn't made her one was because I was getting her back for having been mom's maid of honor when she married my step father. This is in spite of the fact that my sister wasn't angry since she didn't know if she would be able to afford to come at all and didn't want to be assigned any duty since I might have to find a replacement at the last minute and we had actually discussed it. Also, I was a bridesmaid at mom's wedding only because mom thought it was important that all her children be involved and would have preferred to have sat in attendance. kat?
[ September 30, 2004, 11:29 AM: Message edited by: the master ]
Posts: 157 | Registered: Aug 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
If it comes to you, give it to her. If it doesn't, you wouldn't be giving her what she asked for anyway.
Posts: 2432 | Registered: Feb 2001
| IP: Logged |
quote: But then you had to go and contribute serious stuff.
Oh, it wasn't serious. It was all true, but I think it's really a matter of perception.
So if she has embraced mother Earth over her physical mother, why does she think a wand from her physical child is going to be special? I gues a lack of rigorous consistency is to be expected.
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
When I was a kid, my mom used to indulge my interest in ESP and Telekenisis by getting me books from the library on them. This despite her being a rational woman who knew it was all nonsense.
I personally think the movie The Little Mermaid is a terrible film that teaches little girls to get into whatever trouble they want to, because men will always be around to save them. I still let my daughter watch it. She even has a Little Mermaid swimsuit.
If you have actual moral opposition to a gift--in other words, if buying this thing would be the equivalent of purchasing a gun or drugs (Like, say, if you thought contributing to her intrest in this would consign her soul to Hell), I would say don't do it, and take comfort in the fact that you didn't do it.
But if it is mearly a difference in intrest or values, a gift really is, in the end, meant to be about them and not you.
I remember friends buying me crosses, knowing how religous I was, but not knowing crosses weren't part of how I worshiped. Coming from friends who weren't religious, this was a terrific gesture, a nice attempt to reach out to me, do something based on me.
It's like the year my brother did all his shopping at the 99cent store. He got me sunglasses. He'd heard me griping about losing them, so he got me a pair.
My Uncle, he got a nose hair trimmer. It was something he knew my uncle really needed. Being as short as by brother was, it was something he could see that he didn't think my uncle knew he needed?
Guess which present was more appreciated?
Yeah, I think it's better to make the present about what they think they want than what you think they should get.
Again, moral tie-ups aside.
Posts: 1894 | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Would you have kat actually send the e-mail to your mother or would it be as if it was coming from you.
The more non-confrontational way, would be to say that you need a backup christmas present in case the fates don't decide send you a crystal in time. And yes you don't trust the fates, and would prefer a backup.
posted
A couple of very strong magnets work just as well as a crystal wand and can also be used for affixing the grandkids' artwork to the refrigerator.
I would get her a book on dowsing and a pretty little dowsing pendulum.
quote:pursue a lifestyle strongly intermingled with her beliefs
Pursuing any other lifestyle would be courting insanity.
Posts: 2655 | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Celia, I have an idea. What if you get her something that works on both levels? That is a good gift in both your worldviews?
Like I don't know if you are into geology or fossils or anything but could you maybe find a quartz something that was very very cool for some scientific reason? Then you could give it to her and explain the scientific reason, and also you can tell how you did your best to comply with her requirement for her new age reasons as well, but since you don't understand those very well and can't get that whole belief system at all really, that you apologize if you did anything that would invalidate its power for her. That you did your best and hope it turns out well for her.
But that still this particular quartz is really awesome and cool because of the scientific reasons that you can tell her about.
To me that would be inviting her to share your joy with you in the things you take joy in, while trying your best to share her joy with her in the things she takes joy in at the same time.
Would that work, maybe?
Everything works on multiple levels. I've seen that again and again. The story of who we are and what we're doing here... the story that we're all writing as we live... it has a million layers, a billion different interpretations. Everything cool works on multiple layers, and means more than one thing.
That came to me just then like a brainstorm. I hope it helps. I think maybe your mother's new age mojo karma spirits or something must have whispered it in my ears. Posts: 6246 | Registered: Aug 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
pooka, it isn't over, or instead of, it just is.
Aj, I would send it. And a back-up gift suggestion email is actually a great suggestion.
docmagik, you're describing a totally different situation.
quote: Pursuing any other lifestyle would be courting insanity.
i don't disagree. consider my intent to be differentiating between praying for a friend and praying in front of them. which is still a stronger division that i actually mean, but it's as good as i can come up with at the moment. and magnets are so three years ago.
Posts: 157 | Registered: Aug 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
ak, i would still be buying her a wand at that point. calling it anything else is attempting to delude myself. i might consider getting her one of those crystal growing kits, though.
edi: doc, no not really.
[ September 30, 2004, 12:07 PM: Message edited by: the master ]
Posts: 157 | Registered: Aug 2004
| IP: Logged |
I'm sick of the quotation marks in these places that purport to be scientific and good for kids. Clearly you don't grow 'diamond' crystals, what are they smoking?!!
posted
I don't think they are the same chemical composition, which does matter, even to the new age people. I can't figure out what they actually are though.
quote:Are SPACE AGE CRYSTALS® "real"? The crystals you can grow with our kits look very similar to their natural counterparts, and most people will not be able to distinguish a clear quartz-like SPACE AGE CRYSTALS® cluster from real Quartz crystals which grew in Earth’s crust. The names we use - like "Quartz" or "Emerald" - reflect this similarity. Their chemical composition, however, is different. "Real Quartz" or "real Emerald" can be grown in a laboratory, but this requires much higher temperatures and pressures than you can achieve at home.
Then again maybe they are...
quote: What is the difference between man-made and natural crystals? Grown crystals are generally called "man made" or "synthetic", although this terminology is somewhat misleading. It’s really not man who creates them but the same forces of nature that form crystals inside the Earth. You just provide the proper ingredients and conditions to get the process started - like a gardener who plants a seed in a flower bed.
A natural Quartz crystal cluster grew deep inside the Earth’s crust in a water-filled rock cavity that contained a hot aqueous solution of silicon dioxide (SiO2). As this solution cooled down Quartz crystals started to form. The same process happens in your crystal growing container - although at a much lower temperature and lower pressure. SPACE AGE CRYSTALS® are therefore not as hard as their natural counterparts.
posted
My wife's quartz crystal came to her on our vacation to New Zealand. We hired a guide to take us hiking on Franz Josef glacier. The guide told us to watch for quartz crystals embedded in the face of the retreating glacier or newly deposited in the glacial moraine.
Quartz is one of the few materials that is harder than ice. While the glacier pulverizes all other rock, the quartz crystals remain intact and are carried along by the glacier.
Sure enough, we spotted a nearly flawless crystal lying at the base of the glacier.
Too bad we don't believe in that new-age stuff.
Posts: 2655 | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Hmm well if my two favorite Warrior Princesses would like some interesting Christmas presents, it might behoove them to let me know what their real life addresses are.
posted
You know, I've done dozens of "grow your own crystals" kits and projects over the years and they've without fail produced extremely disappointing results. I guess I just don't have a crystal thumb or something, I dunno.
But hey, one time I designed a hydraulic diamond press, that squeezes lumps of coal into industrial diamonds, like Superman can do with his hands, and that seems to be working great! Maybe I should just stick to machinery and leave the watervatswithdissolvedsubstances alone!
posted
Skillery: Do you have to believe in it to sell it on eBay? Or do you like them so much you wouldn't part with them?
I rather suspect a lot of the crystals sold in new age shops are grown. And just think, if tm grew it herself it can have the vibe of skepticism poured into it by being close to her. If not actual evillness.
I guess as someone who believes this stuff sometimes works and wouldn't use it for that reason, there is an ethical concern there. When I say "works" I mean that something could happen, but not always what is intended. Also, I don't believe the training most Westerners get is rigorous enough to produce intended results.
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Dont Know]](graemlins/dontknow.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Blushing]](graemlins/blushing.gif)
It was about an inch too short, so I took this as a sign from the powers of the universe that I should keep losing weight until it fit. Being psychotic, I didn't realize that wrists are one of the more static of body measurements. Not surprisingly, one of the nurses recognized it and reclaimed it. ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
) But I think there may still be some worth in the comparison. Which kind of leads into my second question. Is this, in your opinion, merely a harmless delusion, or is it potentially harmful? If you see it as harmless, then I don't think you are being intellectually dishonest by giving her the gift she wants. You are not validating her belief, you are giving her what she is asking for. You are not even validating her belief if you wait for one to "come to" you--because in this case your gift to her is not just the physical object, but performing a series of actions as she wants them even though they seem stupid to you. (As long as she doesn't ask you to meditate over them or something; I can see how that could be intellectually dishonest.) If you think this worldview is potentially harmful, and I can certainly see that you might--it was in my mother's case--then that's different. Then it's not humoring, it's enabling, and you don't want to do that.![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
Thanks, pooka. You've made my morning. But then you had to go and contribute serious stuff.![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Wall Bash]](graemlins/wallbash.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
No one was supposed to know about the outfit.
