quote:Fighting back violently and/or attempting to get a teacher to end it are guaranteed ways to make the problem worse. Those strategies are ineffective at best at combating individual bullies, and serve only to alienate the person fighting back when it's a whole group making fun of him.
Well... For me it was different. My younger brother and I were at the VERY BOTTOM of the social totem pole growing up. Beaten up and horribly verbaly abused for years and years. The best we could ever hope for was to be ignored. The only thing that stopped it was learning how to stick up for ourselves physically at long last (very hard for me because I'm a pacifist and terribly concerned about other people's feelings) and by my parents forcing the school to finally do something about it.
As with your son, we were picked on because we were nice...and didn't have the killer mean streak. I would be late to school often just to avoid the evil kids before the doors opened. Matt and I can totaly understand how Columbine happned... and we are lucky our parents were so good at their job that we didn't do that too.
I remember the first time I actually stood up for myself. The shock of actually getting in a fight was horrible...even though I won. But the torment stopped for the most part. And high school started the next year and everyone was a bit more mature. Things got better in high school.
Posts: 4953 | Registered: Jan 2004
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My brother was tortured by a particular bully in elementary school. They were the same height, weight, etc., but the bully had a mean streak, and my brother suffered from acute niceness.
The bully liked to insult my brother's (nine-year-old) manhood, and some of this involved slapping or touching generally private areas (outside of the clothing). Eventually, my brother told our mom about it, and that he'd asked the bully to stop every time, without any success, and was there anything else he could do?
This led to my mom calling the school, and parents were called in for a Conference, in which the bully's parents put up a huge, blustering denial that their precious, sweet little boy could ever do such a thing. The school didn't take any other action beyond the parent conference, and my mom left unsatisfied. So she told my brother that if the bully ever touched his privates again, my brother had her permission to punch him.
A long while later, my mom got a call from the school because my brother had hit another child (the bully), and had said he had her permission to do it. I think she went to a couple of meetings about it, but the end result was that my brother wasn't punished, and the bully never bothered him again.
I only wish my own teasing experiences could have ended so happily.
Posts: 54 | Registered: Sep 2004
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[/lurk] Thanks, all. It's possible that this sort of situation is affecting my son at the new school he's at. Some good advice, or at least some good "heads up!" sorts of warnings.
Once things resolve, I'll post my (my son's) experience--another point on the chart.
Sorry if it wasn't apparant, but he does have friends! He's just always had a small circle of them 'cause he's so picky. As I mentioned, he has one special friend who has been over several times to play, and Boy Opera has gone to spend the night there. His friend is coming to our house to sleep over next week. I know what you mean though about the need for strong friendships. I'm hoping that he'll expand his small circle a bit by participating in Cub Scouts, which he just started last month.
posted
I forgot to add in my earlier post that I really admire how you're handling the situation, Space Opera. It sounds like your son is a swell kid, too.
In fact, I admire all the parents here. I hope I prove to be a parent of your caliber if I ever have children.
Posts: 54 | Registered: Sep 2004
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just seeing the title of this thread made my heart ache.
i honestly think dan's suggestion was one of the best. karate and other martial arts classes are an awesome idea. kids learn confidence and discipline, and they learn how to cope with conflict without resorting to fighting, and yet if they are physically threatened they are more confident and adept at defending themselves.
my little brother actually DID take the ender route when he was teased in school. thankfully he was successful, but i know it can't be so for all children. my oldest brother was a complete loner without any close friends that i can think of, but he is brilliant - but that didn't matter to snotty twelve year olds trying to assert themselves in the social food chain.
Posts: 3936 | Registered: Jul 2000
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It sounds like you are doing a great job Space Opera.
If anything I would just like to extend my support and also that I am grateful for parents like yourself who actually do care about their children and are involved.
So many are not these days.
As a lay member of society, thanks for being a good parent.
Posts: 1533 | Registered: Sep 2004
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Steve, that strikes me as something that would be fairly difficult to deal with as a parent also. How did you handle it? How did he respond?
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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Hmm. Boy Opera hasn't had any problems the last few days, so that is wonderful! However, he did tell me that a kid was bothering him a few days ago when he was playing kickball at recess. He came home today and said the kid was bothering him again by trying to take the ball away. I asked him what he did, and he said that after telling the kid to stop (the kid didn't stop) Boy Opera shoved him and the kid then left him alone. I don't know how to feel about this. I don't like violence in any form. My husband assures me that scuffles are a very normal thing for boys that age.
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