posted
Warning : this is entirely about me and my family. I feel really happy today. As people who read my landmark know, my mother died 4 years ago. (I can't believe it's 4 years...). Anyway, I've been worrying a lot about my father since then. He always had passed through depression moments, and of course his wife's death didnt help that. Sometimes I felt like he wouldn't care if he died the day after. I don't mean that he would commit suicide : just that he no longer wanted to do anything about his survival. He ate in a total anarchy, drove too fast and smoked a lot. As you guess, it has been hard to bear for me. My mother never knew my husband, and I though that my children would probably have just be parent's in law as living grand parents. Frightening. (well, I love them, but still !) But I felt I couldn't do anything about that, and it was like waves, a month good and another bad. All I could do was be there and try to express my love and concern for him, but it didn't seem to change anything. My Dad and I have always had a lot of difficulties to communicate, which is funny because most people I know think I'm the communication queen, that I know how to express my feelings and points of view and understand the others. Well, obviously it doesn't work as well with everybody. Lately though, I had the feeling that he got better. But a few days ago, he started to talk about giving us (my sisters and I) the money he had at the bank, because he had no use for it. Then again I was anxious, but this time I had the courage to tell him how I was feeling, that him giving us his money made me think that he felt like he had no future, and I was frightened by that. I told him that I wanted him to meet the children Vinnie and I want to have. He has been quite astonished by that. And we spoke for an hour, which, knowing my Dad, is really enormous (when I can keep him 15 minutes on phone it's a big conversation !). He told me that I was right to think that he had felt that way, but that it was no longer true. That he was feeling really better since a few months, and that he thought he had finally stoped to grieve. That he could think about all the things my mother gave him with joy and not regrets. And that my wedding had helped him. It was... It was like it was the first time I breathed freely since a long time. Like a sudden light in the obscurity I felt inside myself. And I just take time to thank... Well, whatever it is, divine grace or just life, to give me such happinesss, such a blessing. My Dad happy and willing to live again. So I wanted to share this big joy with you And of course this calls for a piece of advice : even when it's hard, try to communicate how you feel an think with people you care for. This can give really good surprises, and anyway, love lives in a big part from communication. As Eduardo sad in his thread : if you love someone, tell him/her. Anna (who wishes there are a bigger grin but not ironic) EDIT cause I can't spell
[ October 08, 2004, 01:31 PM: Message edited by: Anna ]
Posts: 3526 | Registered: Oct 2001
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posted
That's wonderful, Anna. Giving stuff away is one symptom of impending suicide. It would have worried me a lot too. I'm so glad he's feeling better. Telling people how much you love them is a very good thing. I think most people have no idea how loved they really are.
Posts: 6246 | Registered: Aug 2004
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Hi, Anna! I'm very happy things are getting better for you and your father!
Although I think my thread about "telling people you love them" is a masterpiece of self-inflicted irony, I guess you're very right. Posts: 1785 | Registered: Oct 2003
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Eduardo, I think you nearly said it yourself : what happened to you, even if painful, does not mean that your assertion was false. It was really true, and I hope you'll find the right person soon. Reading you, I think this girl will be a lucky one . I know it's easy to say now that I'm married and everything, but sometime it's worth the waiting... (((Eduardo)))
[ October 08, 2004, 05:03 PM: Message edited by: Anna ]
Posts: 3526 | Registered: Oct 2001
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