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As I mentioned in a previous thread, my son broke his leg last week. He's been coping fairly well, but having a cast from toe to just below the hip is rather daunting. Especially since it must weigh close to 10% of his weight! (He's 53 pounds.)

So we've been making the necessary changes to our routine -- helping him get dressed, scheduling in extra time to get in and out of the car, etc. This morning, I parked in the staff lot at his school and carried him up the stairs, in the side door, and to his classroom. (When I dropped him off at the no-stairs entrance yesterday, it took him about 10 minutes to get to his classroom, poor kid.)

Today, tomorrow, and Friday his school has "minimal days" -- school is from 8:00 to 12:30 instead of the usual 8:20 to 2:45. So I had arranged a while ago (before he broke his leg) with my former father-in-law and his wife (I never know what the heck to call her! My former step-mother-in-law? Yeesh! So let's just call her Debbie, and we'll call him Gary.) to pick up my son on those days.

The ex spoke with them last night, confirming that they were picking up DS, and discussing places/methods of picking him up. They apparently had some difficulty, but managed. Then they took him to their place, and since they had been expressly requested to stop taking him to pizza every time he's over there, fed him danishes -- instead of the lunch he had with him. (This is typical, unfortunately. This is not coming from Gary, who was never like this; but Debbie seems convinced that she can buy my kids' love with toys and junk food. )

Given the discomfort DS has been in (in spite of the Tylenol with codeine he's on, he is having a rough time of it, and he has a very low pain threshold anyway), and the difficulties they had picking him up, they proposed that he just spend tomorrow and Friday with them, and skip school. Both his dad's and my initial reaction was negative; however, having thought it over, and discussed it with my mom, I'm having second thoughts (and have probably talked the ex into my suggested plan).

My current notion is to call them and suggest the following: DS will stay with them all day tomorrow and Friday (but NOT Thursday night, which they had suggested as well), however: he will not be allowed to have junk food until AFTER he has eaten the lunch I send; he will complete all his homework (and a bit of other work that he has from a while back); they would need to pick him up from here (this part is least likely to be an issue, as they have done so many times), since otherwise it will be impossible to get everyone else to school on time.

Pros:

• DS really is tired out and uncomfortable from dragging that cast around all week. Giving him a bit of a break is not a bad idea, especially on two short school days.
• He really likes spending time with them, and except for the specific issues I have mentioned above, I think that's a very good thing.
• Keeping the people who are willing to watch my kid as needed -- for free, mind! -- happy is generally recommended.
• Less stress on all involved. God knows THAT would be good about now.

• Odds are he will still eat very little real food (in spite of the little talk he and I had about bones and calcium this afternoon), and lots of junk. It's hard enough to get kids (especially this one) to eat properly, without adult sabotage.
• I'd also lay odds on him not actually completing the work he is supposed to -- even though it should take a grand total of an hour or two.
• Debbie is a give-an-inch, take-a-mile type. I worry a bit about the precedent. (What she'll remember, I think, is that we gave in when she pushed. The other aspects will be completely ignored/forgotten.
• I also worry (just a little) about the precedent this will set for DS. However, we will frame this as quite clearly as an exception, because he's having so much trouble getting used to his cast, etc.

Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | 

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Ok, so generally I'm hearing agreement with the plan. Good.

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None of the cons are, to my mind, earth-shattering enough to warrant the physical demands it would place on the boy.

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And some junk food will not particularly impede the healing process in his body.

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Just my own gut reaction & feeling, rivka -- if it were my kid, FWIW:

I would keep him out of school the two days. He going through enough stress right now with the cast and all, and two short days is not going to set him back terribly, and might actually give him a much-needed break. School attendance is not the end-all of everything.

Now whether that time off is at your ex's house or somewhere else is totally up to you. But just for the kid, I hope you go with it so he gets that break.

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Junk food is bad for children, but two days will not spoil him utterly.

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Threshold? Ridiculous word, isn't it? Two h's right in the middle? Silly threshhold.

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Let him stay, but call occasionally to check on him and ask how his work is coming along.

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Might help to stress to Gary (if not Debby) that he really needs to eat some real food or he'll be tired and sluggish. His body is working overtime right now, it needs fuel.

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Oooh, good one! Gary is a (retired) engineer, and a science geek. Excellent angle!

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Maybe you can mention outright that junk food is fine as long as he gets a real meal or two as well.

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you make sure he gets a healthy breakfast before he leaves with plenty of calcium, since you're worried about the nutritional issue.

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He usually does, but that's a good idea. And I'll emphasize the calcium issue then again.

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Also, since it's right before the weekend you can make sure he understands that if he doesn't complete the school work while he's there he will complete it Sunday and he won't get to do anything fun at home until it's done. Might help a little.

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Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged |