posted
OK. This is how it goes- BACKGROUND: Last year my current roommate and I were paired together by chance in the dorms. She wasnt all that friendly when I first came, but then she kinda warmed up to me I suppose. By January of that school year, we were doing pretty well considering we lived in a single room with each other. The only real problem was sleeping habits (me being a night owl and late to rise kinda person and she being a very early to bed, early to rise person).
Originally, I was supposed to live with these two other girls, but that really didnt work out and it turned out that several girls from my floor were all gonna live at the same apartment complex so we all agreed to switch roommates.
This meant that I could room w/ my current roommate since we were managing to get along quite well. Everyone seemed to be happy with this arrangement and I figured it would work out even better because we each would have out own rooms. That meant, to me, that our only major problem of sleeping patterns would be solved. Boy was I wrong...
FIRST SEMESTER SITUATION: I really really really dont like her. In fact, at this point you could say I hate her and we are hardly in to the second semester. I have a contract with her until august (but I will only have to live with her for the rest of this semester-till the beginning of may).
Now-we had verbally agreed to some terms-real obvious ones such as "clean your own stuff," "no alcohol in the fridge," "no smoking-of course-b/c neither of us somke," "clean up after your own guests," and "pay your bills on time." We also talked about who needs to bring what.
Well, turned out right from the beginning that I brought about 3-4 car loads of stuff-furniture/bed/other items. She came with a microwave and a table. She was supposed to bring other things like more furniture (I only brought a couch down at the time) but she never managed to bring anything more-even when her family was getting rid of "grandma's old furniture," I never saw a thing. Fine-im ok with that-right now the entire living room is made up of things everyone else gave me-not a thing was brought down by her.
The major problem I had was her lack of cleanliness. I'm not talking about just some stuff left around, I am talking about trash and old food left all over the kitchen counters (what little kitchen counter space we had) for me to clean up.
For instance, one of the worst things she ever did was with a bag of meat scraps. We had decided to make dinner together and we were just going to make some beef and rice. Well, she asked for an extra grocery bag to put some of the meat scraps we didnt want into it and so we wouldnt have to put it under the sink to rot for who knows how long. I thought to myself "what a good idea-she has decided to be a little more clean." What do you know-she even said-"Don't worry Annie, I'll take it out to the trash after dinner." Now this was on a Wednesday night. I stayed up a little and then went to bed because I knew it was my day to sleep in while my roommate got up early to go to class.
What do you know, I wake up the next morning and the meat bag has warmed and it is still sitting on the kitchen counter. I was grossed out a little by the smell so I put the bag in the sink so the smells could settle in there instead of across the kitchen. I went to class a little angry, but I figured "hey-she said she would do it and this will be the first time she took anything out to the garbage since we moved in w/ each other (we had been living w/ each other for about 3-4 weeks)-so I let it go."
When I came back with after a long day of classes just to eat a quick bite and leave for a meeting-the bag sat in the sink while my roommate lounged on the couch watching tv. I made a comment to her that "something smelled weird" to give her the idea without saying "go take that digusting bag of meat out to the trash." She nodded and kept watching tv. Angry, I left for my meeting and when I came back there were some friends over watching tv w/ my roommate and the place now smelled awful. I made another commment on the smell in front of our guests and they even nodded in agreement while I burned some candles to cover up the stench.
Still, I figured that it would be gone that night after I went to bed a little early. Friday morning comes...I wake up and the bag of meat is STILL THERE! Now, my roommate and I had the same 800 class together and I also knew that since she went home right after class every weekend (3 hrs away) she wouldnt be back at the apartment.
So, I said "you said you were going to take that bag of meat out to the trash-can you plase do that before you go to class since you wont be back till monday?" She grunted at me and said that she was in a rush because she was going to get gas in her car before class but then said "fine." It isnt like the trash can is far away-in fact-you have to drive past it to go to class. She grabbed the bag and left before I did,in a huff, while I did some last minute lysoling the air in the kitchen before I also went to class. As I walk out my front door and turn around to lock it, there, sitting on the ground next to the door was the bag of meat. She couldn't even take the bag to the trash! I ended up having to take it over so the stray cats wouldnt get into it and so we wouldnt get fined for leaving trash by our door. I was furious. She said nothing.
posted
Yep, you've got a sucky roommate. She's inconsiderate and rude.
However, passive-aggression doesn't help anyone. The next time she does (or fails to do!) something like this, don't let it fester for days before speaking your mind. When you got home and she was watching TV, that would have been a good idea to ask her if she would please take out the bag like she'd said she would.
But yes, overall, she's a bum. Congratulations, you've got the quintessential college roommate experience!! Posts: 1681 | Registered: Jun 2004
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posted
The last thing she did sounds irritating, but there might be a better approach to her behavior.
Don't skirt the issue. Be clear and precise. That night you should have said, "Hey, didn't you say you were going to take that meat out?" She had a good idea, but she forgot to follow through. She may be legitimately forgetful and just needs some reminding. When you did tell her, she may already have felt some shame and was embarrassed. But instead of letting herself feel those unpleasant feelings, she projected it into anger at you.
Try to provide some more structure by working up a weekly chores list with her that needs to be marked off. Put it in a very obvious place, like on the fridge.
Some of us, even all the way grown up, do better with lists and such.
But, barring that, if she does turn out to be a housework moocher, then you may just need to find other arrangements. I think it would be legitimate to be finding a replacement for her and asking her to leave, since it would be so much more inconvenient for you to move your furniture. But if she won't, or says she will but then doesn't after a while, you may have to leave yourself.
Posts: 3495 | Registered: Feb 2000
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posted
My friend Pancho Villa was the best roommate a man could ask for. He never complained about the way I smelled, or about my sneaking into camp late, covered with tiny goat hairs.
Posts: 35 | Registered: Sep 2004
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I co-exist pretty well with my roomate. We're both accomodating people so it's a match that works on politeness rather than compatability.
The major problem I've heard people having is having a roomate who is uncommunicative and introverted to a small group of friends and lives their life as if they're living alone.
For the "other" roomate, this being ignored can be stressful and frustrating.
Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
I had one in college where I used paper plates all the time but he insisted on using real plates and letting them pile up. I’d ask him not to put them in the sink since I had to fill my dog’s water dish, but of course they always wound up there. He eventually ran out of plates and the dirty dishes were piled as high as they could go. Total slob. Eventually had to kick him out. Glad I had that power. Sorry to hear about your situation. The only roommate I’ll ever have again will be the kind that comes with a ring!
Posts: 2845 | Registered: Oct 2003
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posted
sorry about the lack of paragraph breaks-ill make sure I put in more
Well-that was just the beginning of things. After that incident I did decide to be more outward because subtle hints just went right over her head. So, I took to asking her to do more around the apartment such as: can you please put your dishes in the dishwasher so we eat off our plates again.
Well, things did not get better. She would stomp around and be grouchy and say things like "alright MOM" to me any time I spoke a word to her. So we ended up hardly speaking to each other.
One week at the beginning of October, she commented on how our friends had just gotten a kitten from the farm here and that she would really like to have one, but she knew that I didnt want one at the apartment since we had dicussed it before we moved in together. Now, I am not against cats-i could have compromised i suppose. I am a preveterinary student, in fact. However, I didn't want to worry about the dander (for people I knew that were allergic) and also because our apartment isnt huge and the smell of a cat little box would probably not complement the apartment well.
After our talk the previous week, she came back that weekend and shut herself in her room like she usually did-I thought nothing of it.
That Monday, we both came back from a lab at the farm. She got back to the apartment before me because I had to drop off a friend. As I walk in the living room is sectioned off by this coca-cola sign and I looked at her weird and said jokingly "are you just trying to make it hard for me to get to my room?" She nodded and then leaned down and up came a cat. "Meet Sir William" was all she said. I couldnt believe it. Especially since we had JUST talked about it!
I was furious and I was also so shocked that she didnt even tell me anything that I didnt say anything for 2 days because I didnt know what to tell her.
When I finally confronted her I asked what was up with the cat and she looked at me like I was crazy. She just shrugged and said "what?" I told her that we had just talked about this and she knew that I didnt want one here and that I didnt appreciate the fact that she didnt even ask me if she could bring one here. She told me "well, he is my only friends and I am homesick. Trust me, if I could leave right now, I would."
I told her that I didnt want the cat in my room and that she had to leave it in her room when she wasnt here and she agreed, but I am still mad about it.
Right after that, she walked in her room and IMed me (mind you our rooms are right next to each other)to tell me that we needed to end out trash war. I was unaware that there was any war because I was the only one taking the trash out and doing the dishes for 2 months now-maybe she heard about my complaints though.
Now, in the kitchen we have sign-up sheets done on alternating turns of who takes the trash out and who unloads the dishwasher. We also separated our own dishes on opposite sides of the sink.
The kitchen part still works at the moment, but the whole "clean up after yourself" thing is getting worse....
Posts: 306 | Registered: Jun 2003
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posted
I was going to post a smart-a$$ comment about your situation being good training for marriage. That was before your latest post and I have to say that I sympathize with your plight. It appears that your roommate lacks consideration and I would hazard that any attempts, by you, to address the issue will fall on deaf ears. I would suggest that you weather the storm until you can find a new roommate while keeping in mind the adage that, "This too shall pass". Best of luck.
Posts: 2022 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
Thank you so much for reminding me of the incredible luxury I live in with over 1,100 square feet entirely to myself. If someone doesn't take the trash out, it's me. And I'm fine with that.
Added: And good luck getting through the year. When looking for a new roommate, no matter how much you talk about stuff in advance it's going to work out differently when you're actually living together. So try to find someone that you can disagree with without fighting, and work through differences with relativly easily.
I used to be much more anal about the dishes, but since living alone, I've started piling them in the sink and washing them once a week whether they need it or not.
Posts: 1163 | Registered: Jan 2005
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posted
Ouch. Well, from what you've just said, it isn't just you. Glad the sheet is working out, though.
Posts: 3495 | Registered: Feb 2000
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posted
Tell her your dishes are off limits if she refuses to clean them. Hide them in your room if you have to. Then she can deal with her own, or wise up and do her fair share if she wants an eating surface.
Posts: 4089 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
I totally understand how you feel. I moved out of my apartment temporarily on Sunday night because I couldn't deal with my roommates anymore. They talked to me Tuesday night and did lots of crying and apologizing, and now that I've come back...not much has changed.
I'm definitely regretting coming back and I'm not sure how I'm going to get through the rest of the semester. Believe me, I know how you feel.
Posts: 119 | Registered: Oct 2004
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posted
I was so inspired by this thread I went home and scrubbed the kitchen so I don't annoy myself.
Posts: 1163 | Registered: Jan 2005
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