posted
I mentioned a few weeks ago that I was working on printing a school newsletter, in a manner of speaking. Since I respect the input of Hatrack, I decided to place the text versions of the issues here, so that you may tear them to shreds -- I mean, critique them.
Just as a reminder, I am a Junior in High School and this all fits on the back and front of one page. This is issue number one; I put it out the first week of March.
Welcome to The Last Straw — Enjoy your stay!
You — yes, You! — have in your hands the very first edition of The Last Straw. There are only 250, and you were lucky enough to get your hands on one...you clever fellow — the ladies must be all over you. Congratulations!
This is a big honor, you know. A step up in the world. And with that honor comes (*cringe*) responsibility. I know, I know...but don’t start moaning yet! Your only responsibility is to give this little piece of paper away when you’re done with it. That’s all! Since there are only 250 copies for all the students at KMHS, you can’t hog this one and keep it all to yourself. So, whenever you finish reading this, whether it be in five minutes or five hours, make sure to pass it along to a friend, or a teacher, or someone you just bump into (nicely!) in the hall. That isn’t so bad, is it?
I know all this prestige and responsibility must be a bit of a surprise, so while you catch your breath, allow me to explain just what The Last Straw is. This student-written, student-reviewed, and student-published micro-paper will probably be distributed every week. On the front, you will find two very light, easily read articles. We’ll talk about school events and other things important to you, but never in the PTSA newsletter style. I swear it. On the back is an in-depth article on some subject that will usually anger you, and then make you think. You have been forewarned. If you don’t want to bother with it, that’s fine, too. Just pass it for the next guy’s misery — I mean, enjoyment.
A Good Birthday Suit Never Goes Out of Style
This week in fashion—the nude look is back!
Industry insider Rafael LeFaux comments, “Frankly, I don’t see why it took us this long. I mean, gosh, if it was chic for the caveman it’s worth trying again. Besides, nothing lends that primal-just-killed-a-woolly-mammoth look like an anorexic blonde with a T-bone tiara.”
Many see this as the logical progression of a trend. Fashion history major Joseph Lecher, who will never join the workforce, adds, “Over the years, we’ve seen outfits growing skimpier and skimpier. And hey, what’s skimpier than skin?”
Brave designers pioneering the “Unclothed Emperor” line unveiled the new outfits during a New York exhibition last Monday. Audiences were impressed by the bold new designs and lauded the show as groundbreaking and revolutionary.
Animal rights activists found themselves dumbfounded without any fur coats to protest and instead used their standard-issue red paint to redecorate a nearby retirement home.
Seeing the show’s success, K-Mart has hired Michael Jackson to design the “Unclothed Emperor—kids!” spin-off line. The pop star says he looks forward to working with the models to create the bold new look of kids’ fashion.
In other news, the city has plunged into a record cold and flu epidemic.
Failure in the First Amendment
Two-hundred and seventeen years, five months, and twelve days ago, delegates from each of the original thirteen states of the Union gathered in Pennsylvania to sign a newly drafted piece of paper — the Constitution of the United States of America. The men were heady and excited, the war for their independence and ideals only recently won. They envisioned a glorious future for this new, free nation and incorporated their idyllic notions of a Utopian society into the Bill of Rights, so that their descendents might live the dream that they could not.
They were wrong.
In all fairness, it may not be right to say they were ‘wrong’ – rather, they were just too optimistic for the good of the nation. By protecting their ideals so thoroughly, they also allowed those ideals to be used for the purposes of evil. The most tainted part of the Bill of Rights lies in the First Amendment: “Congress shall make no law … abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people to peaceably assemble…”
While well-meant, these rights have been so perverted by the evil inherent in society that they bear a second glance and – dare I say it – a change. Freedom of speech is often inadvertently damaging to the speaker, freedom of the press gives a powerful organization almost no regulations, and the right to assemble allows undesirable organizations to plot damage to the USA and its citizenry.
A few weeks ago, there was a major uproar in Sacramento, California. A quiet family in a quiet suburb hung the uniform of a US Soldier by a noose from their garage, with a sign saying “Your Tax Dollars At Work.” This incident prompted a massive antagonistic movement against the family; death threats and vandalism are now a daily occurrence at the residence. The uniform was torn down and a mob gathered outside the home. It was only by the skillful work of the Sacramento police force that violence was avoided.
John Locke, a seventeenth century political philosopher, stated that the citizens of a nation have a contract with the government of that nation. They give the government power, while entrusting the government to protect their life and property. This is the first duty of the government: to protect you and yours. Oftentimes, people do not give due consideration to their words and actions and put themselves, their family, or their property into immense danger. It is then the duty of the government to prevent a speaker from inadvertently doing harm to themselves or innocent bystanders. The government must be allowed to protect you from your own ill-considered actions.
The media in the United States holds extensive sway over public opinion. The press and news make or break people; they incite civil unrest or calm a ravenous mob. This power was fully unleashed in 1938, when CBS (then a radio company) broadcasted The War of the Worlds as a real news bulletin. The people had their trust so firmly secured in the radio industry, that when a trusted company began broadcasting outlandish news, they had no reason to doubt it. They panicked and shots were fired at imaginary ‘Martians’, injuring or even slaying distraught citizens. No punitive legislation was passed, and the only thing blocking a re-occurrence is citizen skepticism – something that we can all agree is not as healthy as it should be. Because the press holds such great power, it requires regulation and careful observance. Government officials should check news for veracity and intellectual honesty before it is printed or broadcast, thus ensuring that citizens are not once again deceived by the people they trust.
When the Allies won World War Two and occupied Germany, they outlawed the Nazi Party. No one was allowed to bear Nazi insignia or even express Nazi ideas, and Nazi groups were not permitted to gather. During the Cold War, the Communist Party was forced underground by the Sedition Act to preserve the Union and unite it against a common and very dangerous enemy. In both these cases, the USA took action to disperse an organization that held the potential to cause grave damage to the safety of the nation and the world. Since, as Locke said, the government’s highest priority is the protection of its citizens and its property, these sort of things must happen. The government should stifle any organizations or individuals whose words or actions could disrupt the ability of the government to protect its citizens and their property. Your needs are first and foremost, and the government needs to do all it can to secure them.
We all know, in our hearts, that the Bill of Rights is a noble thing. Then again, we all know in our hearts that non-violence is a noble thing as well. But we live in an imperfect world, and such Utopian ideas are more often debased by its imperfect citizens than used to do good. We must be reasonable and say that while the First Amendment is good, it is perhaps too good, too idealistic. We must use reason and simple rationale to see its faults and correct them.
Premiering Tonight: The Simple Life IX -- Simply Military
Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie: armed and dangerous. The two blonde bombshells go through basic training followed by service in Iraq. Tonight: Sarge tries to get Nicole's Chihauha kicked off the base; Paris and Nicole get their revenge by re-decorating Sarge's quarters. But hey, pink never goes out of style!
Posts: 515 | Registered: Mar 2004
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quote:They envisioned a glorious future for this new, free nation and incorporated their idyllic notions of a Utopian society into the Bill of Rights,
Quick nit: the Bill of Rights was passed by the first Congress (James Madison introduced the bill) and subsequently the states. There was serious controversy about including one - most of the opponents thought that doing so would imply that the Federal Government had more power than it actually did. For example, since Congress had no express power to regulate speech or press, establish a religion, or interfere with free exercise of religion, many thought the "no law abridging..." language was redundant. These thought that the enumerated powers structure of the Constitution prevented the federal government from infringing on anyone's rights. In retrospect, of course, the bill of rights was clearly necessary.
I don't think you need to go into all that, but I do think you need to correct the implication that the Bill of Rights was drafted at the Constitutional Convention.
quote: I don't think you need to go into all that, but I do think you need to correct the implication that the Bill of Rights was drafted at the Constitutional Convention.
I would...if this was not printed two weeks ago...
But thanks for the heads up!
quote: I think you're trying a bit too hard to be glib. It comes off as oily.
How do you mean? Specifically, please, because I'll change it in the next issue.
Posts: 515 | Registered: Mar 2004
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quote: You — yes, You! — have in your hands the very first edition of The Last Straw. There are only 250, and you were lucky enough to get your hands on one...you clever fellow — the ladies must be all over you. Congratulations!
Is your school all male? If that's the case, this is okay. If not, it's not.
Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
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I didn't read past the first paragraph 'cause of that. If I was in your school, I would've hit that and tossed it.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
Yep. I stopped reading there too. I'll probably go back and force myself to read the rest so I can comment, but that pretty much killed my desire to read it.
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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It's a bit of a common phrase, you know. I didn't think that anyone would actually take offense at it...
Posts: 515 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
*shrug* I don't take offense. I figure it's written for a male audiance and I probably won't be interested. If the author is going to go so far as to address his opening paragraph to only half the population, he obviously only is interested in that half reading what he wrote.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
If I were in your school, and was handed this paper, I would not have read past the fashion section. I would have tossed it in the trash and not looked back. ::shrug::
I'm not saying this to be overly negative, I do the same thing with the student newspaper here on campus a lot of the time as well. The attempts at humor came off as insincere. It had a sort of talking down to children feel as well. Also, and this is just my personal sensibilities not some actual thing to measure by, I found the Micheal Jackson joke to be in rather poor taste. I can't explain why though. Some Jackson jokes are funny, but yours really turned me off.
I would say that you have a good idea, but perhaps next time don't try to "fun it up" quite so much. It came off as very hollow and, to quote from Salinger, phoney. Humor can be accomplished without being quite so over the top...
I dunno, This hasn't been particularly helpful, and is coming off as far more critical than I actually intended. So I'll just say good luck!
quote: It's a bit of a common phrase, you know. I didn't think that anyone would actually take offense at it...
Like ElJay said, it's not offensive. I'm not going to hunt you down or anything. But It's definately extremely off-putting. What are girls/women going to think when they see that? Just what ElJay, dkw and I thought: "What the-?", They'll probably not really take the rest of the paper very seriously, if they read it at all.
If your audience is solely male, you can write for a male audience only. If you're trying to reach males and females, using exclusive phrases to begin your article immediately announces the fact that a) you don't really pay attention to a whole half of the population b) you use phrases that immediately assume females (or, if it had been reversed, males) would leap at any male the slightest bit intelligent.
Not a very good start.
Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Here's the thing: it doesn't matter if the criticism is reasonable. You know how the line affected 3 female readers. That's valuable information for you, not the beginning of a debate. How you react to that information in future issues is entirely up to you, but now if you put in something that will put off half the population, you do so willingly and knowingly.
posted
Just out of curiosity HRE, what inspired you to start this paper? Are you unhappy with your school's newspaper? I apologize if you have told the story already, but I don't remember such a thread.
Posts: 4116 | Registered: Apr 2002
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Although I admire you for having the initiative to start a paper, this paper reminds me of some of the articles in the various newspapers at my university. So many of the writers are writing to amuse, not for serious information or commentary.
If I were you, I'd be light-hearted, but not funny. Give students the chance to publish poems, cartoons and very short stories, or even their own essays, if you judge them as outstanding.
Light-hearted articles can be about anything from Cheese-Tasting to (un-)popular music, but make sure you don't try overly hard to be funny.
Also, feel free to satirize serious subjects (like Terrorism, which is a very dangerous topid to deal with in a fun manner) but don't pass the unwritten line of taste or moral stupidity that will turn readers away.
For serious subjects, like the Ten Commandments article in the second issue, write short and to-the-point pieces giving information and perhaps an opinion on a single subject. Students don't want to read what looks like schoolwork- you can be intelligent, but not heavy.
I would put a word limit at 500-700 words (1000 at the very most) for articles, and ask that they be condensed, intelligent and interesting.
posted
Aside from the issue in the first paragraph, I thought this was extremely well-written. I found your use of humor generally effective. This is leagues better than most middle school writing.
Hatrack seems to be in a critical mood lately, when it comes to writing.
On a different note, I am absolutely chilled at the suggestion that the first ammendment--which you attempt to take advantage of in distributing this--is unrealistic and ought to be rethought. Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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posted
Yeah, I really don't want to discourage you. I think your writing is great. I'm comparing you to university-level publications! This is a good thing!
I'm just trying to give my opinion on what I think could make it better, what I think you should avoid or include.
Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
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quote: On a different note, I am absolutely chilled at the suggestion that the first ammendment--which you attempt to take advantage of in distributing this--is unrealistic and ought to be rethought.
It was an exercise in logic -- to try to write a reasonable piece strongly supporting something you vehemently oppose.
I that a quasi-underground newspaper running an article arguing against freedom of the press would have that subtle touch of irony.
It turned out that it did. It ticked a lot of people off, and other people read it, started to get ticked off, did a double-take, and started laughing.
quote: I'm just trying to give my opinion on what I think could make it better, what I think you should avoid or include.
And that is exactly why I'm posting it here. Trial by fire, eh?
quote: Although I admire you for having the initiative to start a paper, this paper reminds me of some of the articles in the various newspapers at my university. So many of the writers are writing to amuse, not for serious information or commentary.
If I were you, I'd be light-hearted, but not funny. Give students the chance to publish poems, cartoons and very short stories, or even their own essays, if you judge them as outstanding.
I'm meeting with the local newspapers over the next few weeks to see if I can work out a deal to get into a six-page newspaper format, which will give me a lot more room to run student articles. This is what my brother's school does.
I am putting some of the articles out there just to amuse. A very small percentage of HS students would actually read the longer, more serious pieces. So I compromise.
quote: For serious subjects, like the Ten Commandments article in the second issue, write short and to-the-point pieces giving information and perhaps an opinion on a single subject.
Did you feel that those two were too long?
quote: Just out of curiosity HRE, what inspired you to start this paper? Are you unhappy with your school's newspaper? I apologize if you have told the story already, but I don't remember such a thread.
There is none at my school. The administration has overtly discouraged or made so many complications for the two that did try to start in the last five years that they were never able to put out a single issue.
I have, by simply getting off one issue, done what was considered impossible at my school, and I intend to continue.
quote: Here's the thing: it doesn't matter if the criticism is reasonable. You know how the line affected 3 female readers. That's valuable information for you, not the beginning of a debate.
Absolutely right. If I was writing this for my own kicks and giggles, I would ignore this. But I'm writing for readership and circulation, so I'll choose my words far more carefully in the future.
Posts: 515 | Registered: Mar 2004
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quote: I am putting some of the articles out there just to amuse.
Oops, I didn't quite mean what I said. What I mean is that funny is very hard to do, and sometimes, it isn't funny. Occaisionally, it's downright disappointing.
Funyn articles are very hard to do because although the author thinks they're funny, it's difficult to make everyone, or even a majority of people in a diverse community like a High School, think they're funny.
Perhaps I'm totally out of your target. In fact I probably am. Nevertheless, try and make your funny articles have several different levels of funny- so a wide variety of readers can be amused.
Yes, I did think the Ted Commandments article was a little too long .
Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Oh, it's so pwecious! Seriously, you're being way too glib, smarmy, and attempted-humorous. It doesn't work.
Posts: 10645 | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
HRE-- You have a wonderful title for you newsletter/paper. Kudos for that-- it isn't easy to come up with.
That said, the content of your paper doesn't fit the message that the title implies. To me, 'The Last Straw' implies that the articles are going to have a tone of righteous anger. You've set an expectation that you don't fulfill.
What kind of niche are you trying to fill? In your introduction, you note "We’ll talk about school events and other things important to you," but I didn't see anything that I would consider to be interesting to your average teen reader.
How did your peers (not just your buddies-- they're going to lie to you ) react to the paper?
Stlyistically, you make the mistake of addressing the audience directly, in first person-- using 'I' and 'you.'
I just didn't find the fashion article very funny. You made it less funny with the Michael Jackson joke.
I found the 'serious' article to be a bit of a bore, really. You're trying too hard to impress people with your knowledge-- sorry for the analogy, but I felt like I was listening to a kid trying to make conversation at the adult's table.
quote:It was an exercise in logic -- to try to write a reasonable piece strongly supporting something you vehemently oppose.
In other words, you lied. Hey, all the newspapers do it. I know your defense-- anything in the name of irony. If you're going to go that route, the satire route, you must, must, must make your articles more over the top. Exaggerate, inflate your claims-- so the audience can plainly see it's satire. Otherwise, you DON'T make your point at all, and you've wasted trees.
Satire cannot be reasonable, in my opinion. Sharp, yes-- reasonable. . . not if it wants to be effective.
You should continue this paper, HRE. I applaud your efforts. Good luck!
Posts: 14554 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
I'm getting a lot of feedback that says that the longer articles in the Last Straw should be more inflammatory, as implied by the name.
I need to practice writing inflammatory pieces, but I need a topic first...hopefully something that the students can relate to.
My received suggestions so far:
Why I support the War in Iraq (I support it for rather different reasons, and this would be critical of Bush's changing objectives for the War and the American peoples' acceptance of them. Most students seem to have a strong opinion on this, so it might be relevant enough.)
The Alaska Oil-drilling thingy (I would need to put a lot research into this, as I am relatively un-informed on the matter. I think I could be angrier about this, but it probably is not so relevant.)
The Local School Board (My school board has the evolution stickers, for one. Two, they have just approved $63 million for laptops that will effectively drop productivity out the window because they simply picked the lowest bidder. Three, my SB operates under closed doors; the public may not even observe the notes for the meeting, students may not address the board, and adults have one minute a month to address the board. They are a fairly detested organization, and it would be local enough)
I am open to any suggestions to the existing topics or new topics.
Posts: 515 | Registered: Mar 2004
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Do you live in Cobb County, GA, HRE? That' where I live, Cobb has the stickers. Georgia has open-governance laws but politicians are forever trying to find new ways to weasel around it. It's really sickening. Posts: 327 | Registered: Oct 2003
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Mormo is right. For instance, they've been deliberating on this laptop thing for about a year. After they picked a bidder (Apple...when over 92% of the students use Windows at home...), and after they decided to allocate 63 million dollars to it, they opened up for one day for the public to ask questions -- not to argue against the laptops, but to ask questions about them.
I might add that they did this instead of building a new school or getting more teachers. At my High school, there are just over 3000 students. It was built for 2000. We have as many teachers without classrooms (who walk around with carts for their materials) as we have teachers with classrooms. The minimum class size is now 15 students, but the average is around 27.
I'm in classes where there aren't enough desks for every student, and they sit on the floor.
Posts: 515 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
I should point out that the funds for laptops would almost certainly not be available for new building projects, and could quite possibly not be available for teachers, either.
States have heavily segregated local school funding budgets (to prevent previously prevalent fraud), and its quite possible the laptops are being funded by a bond issue against an underused but statutorily required fund they can be shoehorned into.
posted
I understand that the money is required to go into technology.
The problem is that they take un-destined funds and apply them to the standard tech., and then take the tech funds and buy superfluous materials with them.
Instead of buying laptops, they could have upgraded the miserable networks we use. They could have purchased different technology (not just computers) that classes can use. They could have educated the teachers on how to actually use the SMART boards we have.
Instead, they intend to supply every student with a laptop. A laptop that virtually no one will be familiar with and that will not be compatible with any of the computers or programs we already have. Laptops that will absolutely devastate our already crippled network. I might mention that in switching to laptops, they eliminated the four comp. technicians at every school and instead placed seven for the entire county.
Posts: 515 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
The laptop thing is a big deal, because students will inevitably want to do high bandwidth things like downloading music or videos, or playing games. The screen is facing away from a teacher, so while it's not impossible to catch them, it's difficult in an overcrowded room. So even a few students with their own laptops all day long will severely dampen a school's network. If they all have them, it is crippling.
Somebody told me that there is a device you can use to scramble Wi-Fi in your immediate area. I would love to have something like this. That way, kids could only go online when I wanted them too.
posted
Yes, but what if I download a game? Apparentley, Apple has some defenses in place that render it failry unable to do most things, but there are always ways around those defenses.
Posts: 515 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
Oh, I'm not saying that nothing inappropriate can go on if they're offline. But at least they wouldn't be slowing down the whole school's network. And I would have a lot less stress about if they're doing something inappropriate like looking at porn (firewall be damned) right under my nose.
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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posted
It sounds to me that you should really do an article about this issue, as it really hits home. It matters to the kids, to the faculty, and to the parents.
Sounds like a winner there, don't you think? I would be careful though, I doubt the school will care for it.
Posts: 15082 | Registered: Jul 2001
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It's local, it's relevant, it's needful. . . and you can annoy people in power with it! It's everything for which underground publications were invented!
Posts: 14554 | Registered: Dec 1999
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