quote:Ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury, Chef's attorney would certainly want you to believe that his client wrote "Stinky Britches" ten years ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself! But ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider: Ladies and gentlemen this [pointing to a picture of Chewbacca] is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk, but Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now, think about that. That does not make sense! Why would a Wookiee—an eight foot tall Wookiee—want to live on Endor with a bunch of two foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself, what does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me, I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca. Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense. None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberating and conjugating the Emancipation Proclamation... does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense. If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.
quote: MIAMI - Eleven members of the notorious West 42nd Mac King Coles were aquatinted of all charges stemming from the January 21 beating of Johan Borst, a German tourist visiting Miami. Borst was attacked near South Beach at about 5PM on January 21 when he encountered the gang, who harassed the tourist and demanded money. Unable to speak English "too gud" Borst was unable to understand what the gang wanted. According to Police reports, when he failed to comply with their demands, the gang beat him to "within an inch of his life". Later Borst was rushed to an area hospital where emergency surgery performed.
With the 11 signed confessions, 6 videotapes, and 47 eyewitness accounts weighing heavily against his clients, defense attorney Johnny Cochran took no chances in addressing the jury. "This is all just a frame-up job and it stinks to high-heaven. Look, it's impossible for my clients to have beaten this guy to "within an inch of his life" like the police report says -- he's from Germany, they're on the metric system over there. They've got centimeters, or millimeters, or some other meters. They don't know anything about no damn inches. Case closed." Apparently the jury agreed with Cochran as it took them only twelve minutes to return a not guilty verdict.
Afterward Cochran stood on the steps of the courthouse and said, "This is not just a vindication for the Kings, this is a vindication for all ruthless street gangs everywhere. We've put the system on trial today, and we showed that drug money spends just a green and corrupt big business money or Kennedy babysitter trouble money."
quote: Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, you must now decide whether to reverse the decision for my client Chef. I know he seems guilty, but ladies and gentlemen... [pulling down a diagram of Chewbacca] This is Chewbacca. Now think about that for one moment—that does not make sense. Why am I talking about Chewbacca when a man's life is on the line? Why? I'll tell you why: I don't know. It does not make sense. If Chewbacca does not make sense, you must acquit! [pulling a monkey out of his pocket] Here, look at the monkey. Look at the silly monkey! [one juror's head explodes]
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Don't worry, his soul still belongs to them. You just have to go to the White Room to talk to him now.
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