posted
Strider and I were puzzling over this question this morning, and I was surprised to find I couldn't really come up with a decent theory.
Why is it that humans have such a strong aversion to being alone? Whether it's in a dark room, or walking through a field, or losing sight of someone for awhile and thinking you're lost -- or the quintessential horror movie "let's split up and look around" which inevitably leads to one or more of those people being terrified because they are alone.
Also, the fear seems to grow exponentially with the size of your surroundings...being in a dark basement is scary, but walking alone in a field is even scarier, while being lost in the woods alone is the worst of all.
Or, to look at it a different way -- being alone in your basement is mildly scary, but you know that your mom or your friend is upstairs in another room and you could run and join them if you wanted to. Whereas being lost alone holds it's own terrors.
I guess my point is, why is this? Why is being alone (for some people, i know not everyone has such a strong aversion) so terrifying?
The best we could come up with is that there's some biological need for community, and being away from people wakes that need up -- but why so strongly, if so?
posted
Well, I am a loner myself. I wasn't talking about the in-general "like or don't like being around people"
I meant more of like, a horror movie sense. Why is a scary situation just *that* much less scary if someone's there with you? Why are people so reluctant to go off alone to check out a scary place/sound? Basically, why is a scary situation scarier when you're alone?
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posted
I don't think that's the question Leonide is asking. I'm a solitary person also. The question isn't "why is being by yourself scary?", it's "why are you more likely to be afraid when you're alone?".
Did you ever get scared in the basement alone as a child? Did you have that same fear if someone was with you? Did you ever walk through the woods at night by yourself? Were you scared? Were you scared when you did the same thing with a group of people?
I remember in summer camp when we'd go camping overnight in the woods. And we'd walk in a line through the forrest. What were the scariest places to walk? In the front of the line or in the back of the line, especially in the back. Being surrounded by people always felt more safe.
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posted
The reason I'd like to have lots of people around me when I'm in a scary situation is that it gives me the possibility of escaping while the slower ones get eaten . . . or whatever.
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posted
If you're alone and something bad happens to you, there's no one around to call 911 or give you CPR. And if there's an attacker around, he's more likely to choose a victim who is by himself/herself.
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posted
I think it boils down to something more fundamental. Those are all logical reasonings as to why you're scared when you're alone. But when you're scared, it's usually not logical. When you get that shiver up your spine and run off to be surrounded by other people, there is nothing logical about it.
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posted
I think it harkens back to our tribal days, when we were in danger from predators. There is safety in numbers, then--two or more people have a much better chance of fighting off a predator than a single person. So then being alone is much more dangerous than being with other folks.
There's also the biological urge to reproduce to continue the species. If you're with someone else, then there's a chance that at least one of you will survive to continue the line. Yeah, logically there's still others to carry out the line even if you're walking through the forest by yourself. But fear is ancient, and it's a very base emotion, and it's not going to pay attention to logic. Therefore if you're alone your brain is thinking that if you die, so does the entire race.
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posted
I like your theory xnera. It's along the lines of what we were coming up with earlier. That there's some biological reason that's been passed down through the ages. Because it makes no sense otherwise!
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posted
-Predatory animals are less likely to attack other animals in groups. When lions hunt herd animals, they try to separate one animal from the rest of the herd before they attack. It's safer for the lions. Therefore it's safer for the prey animals to stay together. Humans are the archpredator because of our technology, but when we're alone without our distance-weapons, our relative weakness and slowness makes us ideal prey. One human walking around on the savannah will get eaten. Twenty humans are safer. Safety in numbers.
-Predatory people are less likely to attack other people in groups, too. I have a female friend who refuses to go out on woodland trails alone. She's afraid of being raped. When I'm with her, she feels safe enough to go out on those trails. Now, I am not a big man. I do not look intimidating. I am not in the habit of carrying weaponry. And I am not a skilled, or even competent, fighter. The honest truth is that if she were attacked while I was around, while I would do my level best to try to protect her, there wouldn't be much I could do. But my presence would make a prospective attacker less likely to try, so she feels safe around me. Again, safety in numbers.
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posted
It simply doesn't belong to people to be alone. Even when I'm alone, I'm usually talking to myself. If we take the essential mutuality of the human condition seriously, MLK did as well as Aristotle, I think we would conduct our public behavior in a more fulfilling manner.
Pascal has a troubling argument that I neither agree with, nor can I easily dismiss.
quote:I have discovered that all the unhappiness of men arises from one single fact, that they cannot stay quietly in their own chamber.
What's puzzling about his argument is that when we look at heroes and virtuous actions, they are committed because man cannot sit alone in ones chamber. The soldiers, astronauts, teachers, firefighters, and community leaders are icons because of this energy. The same ability which distracts and agitates people, also allows human dignity to presence. Again, Pascal's argument is written charmingly. While I think that there is something incoherent about the idea of a virtuous person living contently in prolonged isolation, I can't dismiss Pascal outright.
posted
A lot of instinctive behaviors have, hypothetically, become dominant because people exhibiting other, less successful behaviors tended to be eaten.
Freezing when startled, for example, is a default setting for most. With training, this can be overcome and the reaction can be substituted for other behaviors.
The last theory I read suggested the "non-freezers" were all eaten, allowing the "freezers" to propagate at will.
posted
I used to like to be alone, I prefered it to being with people -- probably because I had to pretend to live up to people's expectations when I was around them.
Then two years and three months ago, I moved closer to a group of friends who were more accepting than my old friends, and suddenly not only did I enjoy company, but ! I suddenly hated being alone.
I mean, I've always been scared to be alone in big dark places... but now I'm sometimes even afraid to be alone at home. I spend so much time glancing up to see whether my housemates or boyfriend are coming home that I can't concentrate on anything (that's part of a reason for anyone who remembers me and wonders why I'm never here anymore).
I can't explain why I'm scared, though. I don't actually think that anyone will break in and hurt me. I don't really think I'm going to hurt myself, or burn the house down, or anything like that. It's just my irrational response.
The only thing I can add to the discussion is that children are used to being attended by adults at all times -- people who can help them if they get hurt. When they get old enough that they don't need adults to be present all the time, the independence is exhilarating because it's a little dangerous. And as adults, we ourselves may still feel the thrill of fear when we walk alone without another adult.
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quote: If I'm alone in the dark, I'm usually not afraid that I'm alone, but that I'm NOT alone.
As my sister said when we moved out to the country: Sister: Won't you be scared that someone will attack you when you're all alone in the woods? Me: See, that's just it. If I'm really all alone, then that means there's no one around to attack me.
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posted
This relates interestingly to a conversation my bf and I were having the other night. We were talking about how we react to danger, and comparing ourselves to different animals in those reactions. For instance, we are both avid hikers and campers, but act very differently while in the woods. I become very quite, sticking to shadows and trying to see everything before it sees me. When something startles me, I freeze, and then get off the path. When he's in the woods, he's a monkey, getting into everything, climbing rocks and trees, and splashing through streams. When something startles him, he goes looking for it. This is because I am not truly at home in the forest, and he is. When we are out in open spaces, meadows and deserts, I'm much more comfortable, because there are fewer shadows for unknown things to hide in, and I can see anything coming. However, he gets antsy, always looking for a tree to climb. The more we talked about it, the more animalistic our reactions sounded. Everything we did was based on where we were most confident of our survival abilities.
I just dont think we are that far off from having been animals ourselves. Our instinctive reactions now seem to reflect learned behavior that kept our ancestors alive. Fear of open spaces, fear of being alone, all are traits designed to keep us healthy and viable as a species.
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posted
A lot of my fears are irrational, and I tend to feel more rational if there is someone else trustworthy there. More rational = less scared.
I just moved into a new apartment, and like every other time I move, I like the lights to be on more, and I find reasons to call my parents a bit more often than usual. I like having AIM on at all times. When the doors creak or I hear noises, or my cat stares fixedly just behind me, it seems so much scarier now that my parents left me to return home. Even though I KNOW I am safe here.
Just a couple nights ago I remembered that stupid story we always told at slumber parties to scare ourselves, about the rocking chair maniac, who escapes the asylum, climbs in peoples' windows, and sits behind a door and rocks and kills people one by one. That story only bothers me when I am alone. I just think it has something to do with being more irrational alone. If another person were here with me who was terrified of something irrational, then I would probably be twice as panicky.
I don't know if I'm saying that right. Just a thought.
posted
I've been thinking a little more about this and i was thinking about how I'm sure there are people out there who never feel apprehensive alone, or lost, or what have you. But then I was thinking about children, and how it's pretty much universal that kids will imagine scary things, and be uncomfortable in perceived scary places by themselves.
Do you think there might be a correlation with those persons who still get antsy when their alone, and those who have particularly vivid imaginations?
I was constantly in a world of my own making as a child, imaginging people and places that weren't there -- including monsters in closets and toilets...does that make me more prone to being scared now that i'm older?
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quote:I was constantly in a world of my own making as a child, imaginging people and places that weren't there -- including monsters in closets and toilets...
I think that's pretty much true of all children. Children don't fully understand yet just how the world works, so their minds invent things that aren't there. The world is inherently a large and intimidating place, and it's even more so when you yourself are small and helpless.
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When I was a kid I read this short fictional story about a radio announcer who went into a haunted house while on the air and had millions of people holding their breaths, listening to his journey. He scared all the people so much, with his imaginary adventure, that the imagination of those millions of people brought to life some horrible monster that appeared in the house and killed the guy. I remember how the moral of that story horrified me--be scared enough about something imaginary, and it'll come true!
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Sadly, I don't agree with you Scott. Things do quite suck, but you can prepare for bad things when you know what is coming. That preparation may be only an illusion of control, but it's something.
posted
So I was in the bathroom staring at the mostly-closed closet and started to have this crazy fear someone could be in there. I'm probably remembering that Dakota Fanning horror movie which for some reason hit me really hard. My cat Bailey came in, looked at me, then went and hid under the bed! Oh, did that ever freak me out. Now I've ventured out into the computer room with another mostly-closed closet door and Bailey is sitting in the hall staring at me.
There are times I dislike having a good imagination.
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posted
Yes, the more I think about it, the more it seems to be the cat's fault. Messing with my head. You wouldn't happen to know how he learned to do that, would you?
posted
I used to have a moderate fear of being alone, especially in woods, on a dark and stormy night, etc.
My imagination would conjure up all kinds of creepy stuff...
But after getting robbed at gunpoint twice in less than a week, about ten years ago, those fears evaporated, overnight. Sudddenly, reality was far scarier than my imagination, and it has stayed that way.
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posted
See, you'd think having animals around would make you feel better -- and with dogs it does, but with cats.....and i LOVE cats, don't get me wrong, i have two and i want more and more, but man. they are FREAKY. they just look past you in a corner where there's absolutely nothing and just stare in fear. it's terrifying.
cats are not comforting in those situations.
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