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Author Topic: I apologize for my attitude.
Member # 7129

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It’s easy to forget that there is a person behind every one of these screen names, so I’d like to apologize if at any point I’ve taken any of my frustrations out on this community.

I try my best to internalize the issues that I’m dealing with, but sometimes I snap at people or become overly sarcastic. In the last two years, I have dealt with pressures that I never imagined I could deal with.

I’ve never shared most of this information, but I’m going to today. Maybe it’s the anonymity of the internet or just a selfish desire on my part to tell somebody, anybody, why my attitude is the way it is right now. This isn’t a cry for help, advice, or sympathy. To me it feels more like a confessional without the absolution. Either way, here is part of my story:

Two years ago my wife was laid off from her job, sending us spiraling into debt. My wife attempted to conceal the worst part from me, and this deception led to many painful conversations and feelings of betrayal. We worked through the worst of it, and ultimately decided to sell our house to pay off the debt.

At the same time, my second daughter was born. She was code-blue on arrival, and resuscitated on the table while my wife and I looked on in panic and fear. The neonatal doctor diagnosed her with PPH and gave her less than a 40% chance of survival. She was kept in the NICU for a week under forced oxygen and was nourished through a feeding tube, but was finally able to come home on the eighth day. We then begin to catalogue the various specialists that we would need to visit to verify that her development was okay. Since then she has been diagnosed with gastric-reflux, ulcers, hyper-thyroid, and then two-months ago she was diagnosed with hepatoblastoma (liver cancer). Some of you may remember my frantic request for information, and many of you offered your kind thoughts and prayers. The doctors were able to treat this with an experimental injection treatment, but subsequent treatments have not been able to happen because she keeps getting pneumonia. Her pediatric gastroenterologist was concerned that she might be aspirating into her lungs, so a swallow test was scheduled. This afternoon or tomorrow, she will be hospitalized and fitted with a temporary feeding tube. As soon as her pneumonia is gone, a semi-permanent tube will be placed.

Concurrent with all of the events happening to my daughter, another set of events was occurring.

My wife never stopped bleeding after our daughter was born. A follow-up with her Ob-Gyn caused her to be referred to an Oncologist who immediately scheduled a full hysterectomy to remove the cancer which was growing in her uterus. A full-body Cat-Scan also revealed two small benign tumors in her brain that were located near her optic nerve.
A visit to a neurologist showed that her brain was swelling and putting pressure on her optic nerve. The pressure was causing her to rapidly go blind. The official diagnosis was pseudo-tumor-cerebry. Her case was so severe that we were referred to Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, where they scheduled her for surgery and then implanted a permanent shunt in her brain that drained into her abdominal cavity. The surgery was a success, and her headaches went away and her vision slowly returned. Everyone adjusted to the fact that she would be unable to drive until released by the doctor and we anxiously awaited the day. Fast-forward six months and the headaches have returned and vision is intermittently failing in one or both eyes. A patency test of the shunt showed that the fluid is not draining properly. Emergency surgery is scheduled and the line is replaced. The long recovery starts over, but appears to be successful. Three weeks ago we get a scare when she temporarily loses vision in her left eye. A battery of tests reveals no problems with the shunt system, and her neurologist and neuoro-opthamologist begin looking for other causes and settle on the possibility that a combination of stress and migraines are aggravating her symptoms. We live day to day with the uncertainty of her situation.

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Member # 6358

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I am so sorry to hear what you've been going through. That seems like an incredible run of bad luck. Best wishes to you for your wife and daughter, and for your own emotional well-being.
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Member # 676

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Dear God!

HT you've never crossed any lines with me. Be assured of that.

If you need anything, I MEAN ANYTHING, email me at idaneb at cableone dot net. If you want me to mail you a PBJ, I'll do it. If you want a get well card for any of you, I'll do it. I'm at your disposal.

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Member # 6426

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Wow. I say this with all due respect and awe-- I *used* to think I went through a rough couple of years the last two.

I wish you all the best and will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

I wish I could do more.


P.S. - I never saw you cross any lines either... you've certainly been less cranky than *I* have.

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Member # 6456

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Holy cow. You and your family will be in my thoughts, THT. And I think I'm probably way crankier than you anyway, for less reason. So don't sweat that.
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Member # 2943

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I am so sorry to hear that your family is going through such a terrible time. You will all be in my prayers.

My mother has a tumor on her auditory nerve and is deaf in one ear and has very poor balance as a result, so I can relate somewhat.

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Member # 5786

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It's all cool. Hope things work out for you and your family.
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Member # 7264

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THT, you have my permission to cross any lines you want, any time, any place, any thread........we won't report it. Our hearts, minds and prayers go out to you and your family. Keep us updated.
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Member # 4056

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Oh good lord, THT. I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. My best wishes for you in this difficult time. (((THT)))
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Member # 5567

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I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all these issues and trials right now. I will definately be thinking of your family and keeping you in my prayers.

I thought about trying to look you up when I was in D.C. in May -- perhaps I should have, to offer moral support. But I think you were away dealing with your daughter's crisis at the time...


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Goody Scrivener
Member # 6742

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{{{{{{Human and family}}}}}}
If I can be of any assistance, please let me know.

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Member # 2403

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Wow. I'll keep you in my thoughts.
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Member # 2199

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You have at times seemed a little grumpy, but as far as I have noticed you have never crossd the line with me either. If grumpy is the worst that happens you are doing fine. [Wink]

I hope your family has a better year this year, and that they get better quickly.


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Member # 6877

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I'm so sorry. You've never been grumpy to me, but it's okay with me if you are. I have had bad days and been grumpy; you have eminently more reason to grump.
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Member # 4640

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((Human and the lil Target))

Our love, hope and prayers for you and yours.

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Member # 6814

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THT, Dagonee and I are in your vicinity. We are at your disposal.


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Storm Saxon
Member # 3101

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Everything I can say is inadequate to what you're going through, but please believe that I sincerely hope that your wife and child have the speediest recoveries possible.

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Member # 7822

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I'm so sorry to hear of the difficult time you're going through. We'll keep you in our thoughts.

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Tante Shvester
Member # 8202

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Golly! It sounds like you certainly have a full plate. Hatrack IS a nice place to escape to, and I appreciate that you want to keep your playground (and ours) a nice safe place.

Wishing your family a speedy return of restored health.

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Member # 4999

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HT, I don't think you are grumpier than most of us from time to time. I mean, thought your screen name was about disagreeing with most people as often as possible. Though it seems from your story it could be more.

I travel to the DC area about as often as I travel anywhere, I'll give you and Dag/bun bun a heads up next time I'm around.

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